Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/488398
APRIL 1-7, 2015 UCW 27 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Wane of Terror I've been seeing this guy long distance. I haven't really been feeling it and kind of let it drop off, thinking he'd get the hint. He keeps texting and calling. I keep telling him I'm just really busy. The truth is I've met somebody else. Do I have to tell him? — Dreading It "Life is short!" you hear people say. And it can be — if you're in the habit of Snapchatting while meandering across bus lanes. But as the Stoic philosopher Seneca said, "It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it." Unfortunately, other people sometimes waste it for us, like by expecting us to "get the hint" that they're done with us. By the way, men, especially, tend to be poor at hint taking. So yes, you actually have to tell the guy. Behavioral science research finds that we are biased toward the RIGHT NOW, irrationally overvaluing a small payoff we can have right away over a substantially larger one down the road. We're especially quick to put off anything that involves duty (and its conjoined twin, discomfort). This is irrational because deferring almost always costs far more — like if we delay going to the doctor until we have not only a tumor but one with 3,651 Facebook friends. Likewise, instead of cleverly escaping the stress of breaking up, you've built stressing about it into your daily routine. It seems that ending the daily feel-bads should be motivation enough for you to clue the guy in. The problem is, the human motivational system tends to be in-activated by "avoidance goals" — negative outcomes we're trying to avoid, such as avoiding feeling guilty for stringing a guy along. (It doesn't help that the "reward" here — shifting from feeling guilty to feeling relieved — is abstract and intangible.) What we find most motivating are "approach goals," positive outcomes we strive toward. To recast breaking up in that way, offer yourself an immediate and tangible reward, like treating yourself to a big sloppy dessert right after you do the deed. Telling him in a timely way is something you do not just for him but for you, because what you do becomes who you are: Murder and you're a murderer. Garden and you're a gardener. But doing the right thing, the kind thing, would take what, five uncomfortable minutes on the phone? The cumulative dread of doing it probably feels way worse than the actual doing. Plus, the momentary awfulness seems a small price to pay to become a different sort of person — one who doesn't make a guy feel like the kid whose mom was supposed to pick him up after soccer but instead moved to Belize. AMY ALKON copyright 2015 WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD Even dangerous felons sometimes serve short sentences, but Benito Vasquez- Hernandez, 58 — guilty of nothing — has been locked up for nearly 900 days (as of early March) as a "material witness" in a Washington County, Oregon, murder case. The prosecutor is convinced that Vasquez- Hernandez saw his own son, Eloy, murder a woman in 2012, and the case is on hold until the victim's body is found. The judge has given Vasquez-Hernandez two opportunities to leave, both impractical (pay a $500,000 bond or give a video deposition, but he speaks no English, is illiterate in Spanish and, said his lawyer, might be mentally incompetent). (Consolation: Material witnesses in Oregon earn $7.50 a day.) [The Oregonian, 3-12-2015] The Continuing Crisis The trendy St. Pauli neighborhood in historic Hamburg, Germany, suffers its share of uncouth revelers who wander out from nightclubs seeking restroom facilities but too often choose walls of storefronts and private homes, reported London's The Guardian in a March dispatch. The solution, according to the civic group IG St. Pauli: paint jobs with an "intensely hydrophobic" product known as Ultra- Ever Dry," which somewhat propels liquid aimed at it right back toward the source by creating an air barrier on the surface. In other words, said an IG St. Pauli official, it's "pee back" time, and shoes and trouser legs should expect splashes. [The Guardian, 3-4-2015] We have "139 frogs, toads, lizards, turtles," Ms. Thayer Cuter told Seattle's MyNorthwest.com in March, touting her Edmonds, Washington, amphibian rescue shop, especially the heroic job done recently on Rocky, the Texas toad who came with stones in his tummy. "He had to have a lot of enemas (but) Rocky is rock-free now" and, after passing all the pebbles, is finally able to eat. Added Cuter, turtles are underrated pets, "very social" and love massages and "cuddl(ing)." [MyNorthwest.com, 3-11-2015] The Job of the Researcher: Cockroaches can be bold explorers or shy and withdrawn, according to recent work by researchers at Belgium's Universite Libre de Bruxelles, who caught a bunch of them, affixed radio tags and studied their movements. "Explorers" are necessary for locating food sources, although, obviously, they are also most likely to find Roach Motels; "shy, cautious" roaches are necessary for survival and group stability, and a mixture of the types ensures cockroaches' legendary survivability. [Mother Nature News, 2-6-2015] Chuck Sheppard Copyright 2015 ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 You are determined to get things done this week, Aries. You might want to start with that long list of chores that you have been putting off for some time. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, a challenge awaits you this week. Don't be afraid to seek help from others, as recognizing you need help is a sign that you're capable of handling this task. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Gemini, accepting too much responsibility at work is starting to affect your performance. Delay some of your more trivial tasks to focus on the more important ones. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Cancer, it's easy to get your way this week, but try to remain humble. Others might not be so lucky, so offer your help in any way you can. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, enthusiasm about a new plan reigns supreme. You don't need to convince others about your excitement. Just jump right in and get started on the project. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, your generosity knows no bounds and that is a trait people love about you. Continue this positive approach to life, and your efforts will be their own reward. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, you are a powerhouse of activity this week and it's hard for others to keep up. Slow down a bit so coworkers don't fall too far behind. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, try to look at a problem through someone else's eyes. This new perspective may be just what you need to find a solution that has thus far proven elusive. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Sagittarius, your confidence inspires you to try something new this week. Embrace this newfound boldness, but don't forget to keep your head on straight along the way. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, let others know what you expect of them this week. Be clear and concise and set a firm deadline. Reward those who fulfill your expectations. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Don't be afraid to stray from your comfort zone this week, Aquarius. If you never try new things, success will prove elusive. Jump in with both feet. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Pisces, be subtle in your approach with friends and family members. This thoughtful approach will benefit you and those you care about. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard