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4B Daily News – Tuesday, November 29, 2011 FEATURES Fickle friend frustrates freshman phonetician Dear Annie: I am taking a foreign language class at school. The first week, there was a new girl, ''Molly.'' No one talked to her except me. I made her laugh, and we had fun at lunch. She became my only friend in that class. Two weeks later, ''Scar- Dear Annie: Each month, we have a family dinner at a different restaurant. I do not have much choice about which one, since I am gluten and lac- tose intolerant and also a vege- tarian. Annie's lett'' arrived. At lunch the next day, Molly asked Scar- lett to sit with us. They start- ed talking about stuff I didn't know anything about. With- in days, they were cracking jokes and discussing a sleepover at Molly's. I felt totally left out. I was Molly's friend first, and then she just tossed me aside to make way for Scarlett. When Scarlett isn't there, Molly and I talk just like before. But when Scarlett comes back, I'm invisible. I'm fed up. What should I do? — Forgotten Friend Dear Friend: We know this hurts, Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar At our last dinner (a steak- house), I ordered a $10 salad. My brothers and sisters and their spouses and kids ordered appetizers, meals, drinks and desserts. When the bill came, they wanted to divide it by the number of persons, which meant roughly $100 per person. I objected, since all I ate was a salad. I was accused of being cheap, but I stood my ground and paid separately. Now some of them are angry, and but the truth is, you do not have a monopoly on Molly's affections sim- ply because you ''discovered'' her first. It is, however, rude for her to have discussions with Scarlett in your presence when you are excluded from participating, and you should tell her so. You sound like a friendly, welcoming person. Please use your social skills to make connections with others in your classes. Molly should not be the only fish in your swimming pool. (MCT — As a woman who enjoys conversion, do you have trouble getting your husband, son or boyfriend to hear you? You want to talk. You have information you need to share. But, he seems tightly zipped up in his own world. "One important reason men pretend to go deaf," says a firefighter we'll call James, "is that most women talk in paragraphs." James gives us a pretty good example of this. His wife informed James that she needed a new car this way: "James, my car was making a funny noise yes- terday, so I pulled into the I have not been invited out since. I am not as financially well off as the oth- ers, and $100 would have been a bur- den for me. Is there anything I can do to be included again? — M. Dear M.: It sounds as if your sib- lings are the cheap ones, trying to get you to pay for their drinks and desserts. Talk to one of the siblings who isn't angry with you and explain your position. While it is extremely unfair of them to take advantage of you this way, you still are a member of the family and would like to be included in these monthly excur- sions. Ask how to make things more equitable. (We recommend you ask for a separate check, or put drinks mechanic place. Well, there stands my friend Katie, and I said, 'Katie, we've got to have lunch soon.' Anyway, I explained to the mechanic that I need to buy a new car, but my credit isn't great. So, honey, what can we do to get our credit rating up? You know, James, that this is going to cost us because of higher interest. Anyway, could we look for a new car this weekend?" James says this spiel left his head spinning. "I couldn't figure out if I should try to fix the car myself, go to the computer and pull our credit report or call up car lots for an affordable vehicle," laughs James. "A man's brain Education Calendar November, 2011 Nov. 29, 9-2 pm Soul Love Alegria Shoe Sale St. Elizabeth Main Hallway 529.8002 Thursdays, 3-5 pm Grief Support Group Coyne Center, 528.4207 Dec. 5, 6:30pm-8pm Diabetes Support Group Columba, 527-5290 Dec. 12, 7pm-9pm Cardiac Support Group Columba, 527-5077 Dec. 13, 6pm-10pm Community BLS/CPR Columba. 529-8026 Dec. 15, 7pm, Columba Light Up A Life Visit redbluff.mercy.org or scan this code with a QR reader app on your smart phone to learn more information. www.redbluff.mercy.org/sports St. Elizabeth Community Hospital A member of CHW redbluff.mercy.org FREE Free quarter, half or full page ads the week of December 19 full page ads D NEWSAILY RED BLUFF TEHAMACOUNTY For local businesses that publish discounted "Flight" ad programs duringNovember and December. Rates as low as $5.50 Per column inch! Ask your Daily News Advertising representative about Flights of Fancy! (530) 527-2151 MON.-THURS. 9:00-6:00 • FRI. 9:00-7:00 • SAT. 9:00-5:00 • SUN. 11:00-5:00 NORTH VALLEY Furniture Depot Mattress Sets & Adjustable Bed • FREE PILLOWS • FREE DELIVERY • FREE DISPOSAL With purchase of Tempurpedic mattress only. 527-1657 235 So. Main St. Red Bluff MATTRESS 527-5837 632 Main St. Red Bluff MON.-FRI. 9:00-5:30 • SAT. 9:00 -5:00 • CLOSED SUNDAYS Active Senior Citizens A Retirement Community for the and dessert on a separate tab.) Dear Annie: I am writing in response to ''In the Middle,'' whose son is caring for his grandmother. There are federal and state funded programs supporting the Family Caregivers Act. The family caregiver must be credentialed through a home care registry to receive payment. Additionally, when the family care- giver needs a break, a replacement would be provided. Respite should also be considered to relieve the grandson, whether that means a home care agency to send a replace- ment or putting Grandma in an adult daycare for the day. In taking care of her, the grandson has gained valuable skills that he could then apply toward a career in home care. Many home care agencies offer free training to become a home health aide. The sisters should contact their local Office on Aging and have Mom's situation evaluated. The ombudsman will then inform them of available services to assist them in keeping Mom at home, while elimi- nating the conflict in the family. And please tell the grandson to check out caring.com. This website offers great information for the family caregiver. — Kathy Roberts, Medical Adminis- trator, Advance HomeHealth Care Dear Kathy Roberts: Thank you for your informative and useful sug- gestions. We hope the grandson will follow through. How women can get men to listen needs clear direction." Most men will tell you they can't handle a lot of information coming at once. They like it in small chunks. To communicate with males, try these tips: Speak in pictures. Say, "I'd like to buy a red SUV that's a couple of years old." Don't say, "I need a used vehicle of some sort." • Ask a man's opinion, so he'll have time to think. If you say, "Don't tell me we can't afford a cruise this summer," he may simply agree with you. Instead ask, "Could we consider one of those 3-day cruises leaving from Miami?" • Talk in terms of his interests. "Don't tell your five-year-old son, "Mommy wants you in that tub in 30 seconds!" Do say, "I bought a new plastic boat for your bath time! Do you want to try it out in the tub?" Learning man-speak requires realizing that male brains are unique. "Women can process a lot more information at one time," says a psychologist we'll call Charles. "Most of my female clients have to reflect on this to get it. It's like telling them, 'Your hus- band feels pain differently than you do.'" Charles says he is coun- seling a 70-year-old woman who can't get her husband to retire. We'll call her Alicia. Her hus- band, who is 72, still climbs ladders to trim trees in their orchard. He runs a successful business as well. "Alicia wants to travel and enjoy life a little bit," says Charles. "She tried telling her husband that he's too old to trim trees. She told him he might fall and break his neck! But he dug in his heels and tuned her out." Charles worked with Alicia to talk with her hus- band in ways he could sup- port. Alicia said to her hus- band, "I like the idea of you retiring while you're still in great physical shape. Alicia went on to remind her hus- band about one of his fan- tasies. He's talked about traveling throughout Cana- da and Alaska. Charles says Alicia is nudging her husband closer to retirement by suggesting he take off three weeks every three months. TEHAMA ESTATES PROVIDES: ◆ Independent Living ◆ Private Apartments ◆ Three Nutritious Meals Daily ◆ 24 Hour Secure Environment ◆ House Keeping Services ◆ Warm & Friendly Staff ◆ Recreational Programs ◆ Scheduled Transportation ◆ Private & Formal Dining Rooms EQUAL HOUSING OPPORTUNITY 750 David Avenue, Red Bluff • 527-9193 Postpartum depression occurs in men as well DEAR DOC- TOR K: I had my first baby about a month ago, and ever since I have been feeling depressed and overwhelmed. I keep waiting for these feelings to go away, chalking them up to my adjustment to new parenthood, but they haven't yet. At what point should I seek treatment? DEAR READER: Most mothers experience the "baby blues" during the first few days after giving birth. Symptoms include anxiety, irritability and weepiness. They typi- cally worsen by the fourth or fifth day after delivery. Then they go away over the next two weeks. The cause is unknown. It may be simply exhaustion from labor and delivery. Postpartum depression is different. Compared to the "baby blues," it is more severe, is constant throughout the day and also lasts longer. Since you've been feeling depressed for at least a month, I suspect you have postpartum depression. This condition can make you feel sad, worthless or guilty. You may find you're unable to concen- trate or take interest in anything, even your new baby. We don't know the causes of postpartum depression. Hormone fluc- tuations are one possibility. During pregnancy, your levels of estrogen and prog- esterone both rise dramati- cally. After delivery, those hormone levels plummet. These changes may lead to changes in your mood, sleep patterns, appetite and more. It's also possible that some women find the prospect of caring for a new baby very stressful. You might predict that this would be more likely to happen in women having their first baby. In fact, postpartum depression does appear to be more common after the first baby than after subsequent births. Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. One thing that has struck me about my patients with postpartum depression is how guilty they feel. Here they are at what is supposed to be one of the happiest times in their lives, and instead they are sad — and guilty about being sad. Postpartum depression occurs in about five women out of every 100 who have a baby. It usually starts in the first two to three weeks after the birth of the baby. If you have had depression in the past, you may be more likely to suffer post- partum depression. Postpartum depression is not just a problem for women. Some fathers develop depression during the postpartum period, often when their wives develop depression. But fathers can develop depres- sion in the weeks following the birth of the baby even if the mother is not depressed. In fact, some research indicates postpar- tum depression is more common in men than women. If you think you have postpartum depression, be sure to seek help. Lack of treatment can take a toll not only on your mental health, but also on the way your baby develops. Fortu- nately, there are many types of treatment for you to consider, ranging from psychotherapy to antide- pressant drugs. Some of these can be taken safely even while a woman is breast-feeding. In severe cases, electro-convulsive therapy can work faster than drugs. The stresses of mother- hood may never fully go away, but your feelings of depression can and should be treated. Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. Go to his website to send questions and get additional information: www.AskDoctorK.com. Missing: NYC parrot; 'loves to sing opera' NEW YORK (AP) — A heartbroken New York City man is desperately searching for his opera-singing par- rot. Captain, a 25-year-old green and yellow Amazon parrot, flew off Allen Kirson's shoulder as they went biking in Brooklyn on the day after Thanksgiving. The New York Post says the talented bird who ''loves to sing opera'' has performed at senior citizen homes and children's hospitals. Kirson says Captain also dances, and has a big vocabulary. Crafter's Boutique Monday-Saturday 10am - 4pm 50 CRAFTERS IN 1 SHOP! 650 Main St., Red Bluff 530 528-2723 Or Rent a Space to Sell Your Crafts Gifts for family & friends Plenty of parking on Pine Street Financing & Delivery Available ATTENTION ATHLETES Baseball/Softball Fusion Camp Have your best season yet This 4 week camp combines speed training, sport specific conditioning, plyometrics, and core training. This camp will make you a better mover, and more efficient at the movements of your sport! Guaranteed to make you better! December 1st -22nd • January 3rd , 5th Tuesday and Thursdays 4:00-5:00 At Tehama Family Fitness Center Cost $80 paid in full prior to camp Limited to 20 athletes Instructed By: Troy Lalaguna, CSCS and Divsion 1 Softball player Aubrie Stroman Tehama Family Fitness Center 2498 South Main St • Red Bluff 528-8656 www.tehamafamilyfitness.com COME & SHOP LINDA M. FOURBY, LUTCF Authorized Independent Agent BlueShield of California Anthem® Bluecross • Individual • Small Group • Medicare Supplements • Part D Prescriptions (530) 529-2369 805 Walnut St., Red Bluff CA Lic.#0C05427 In the