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Tuesday, November 1, 2011 – Daily News FEATURES Shelved suitor seeks suggestions Dear Annie: My fiancee, ''Beth,'' and I have been together for more than two years. Recently, she called off our wedding, saying she isn't ready. The wedding was planned for a year in the future, so I am grateful she told me now. A few weeks later, we decided to take a break and work on the relationship. We live in separate houses. Beth has a full-time job. I am in school and work part time. We used to see each other every day. Now, although we still talk daily, I only see her twice a week at most. Beth is talking to a counselor about her issues, and we have started couples counseling. One of our main problems is that she becomes distant when things aren't going well and subcon- sciously pushes me away. I have never loved and trusted anyone as much as I do her. How can I support and help her? — Confused in California Dear Confused: You already are being supportive by attending counsel- ing sessions and not pushing Beth to make decisions any sooner than she is able. We hope counseling will help you reach a satisfactory resolution. If so, your relationship will be stronger than ever. But please understand it is also possible that underlying issues will come to light and one of you might decide that marriage is not in the cards. This is nei- ther good nor bad. It is simply how things sometimes work out. Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar Dear Annie: I have a for- mer school friend, ''Paula,'' who has lived in another state for 30 years. She and her hus- band visit relatives in our area once or twice a year. She has hinted that they would like to stay overnight at our house. We have one guest bedroom, but my husband uses it as his bedroom. We would rather Paula not know that we have separate bedrooms. I would like Paula and her husband to visit our home but find lodging else- where. She is always inviting us to stay with them, and we turn the offers down because if we accepted, we would be obligated to return the favor. What can we do? — Prefer Privacy Dear Prefer: Do some legwork and find hotels or motels nearby. (We assume there are reasons she cannot stay at the homes of her various rela- tives.) You are not obligated to put them up at your house. It's OK to say, ''We wish we could accommodate you, but it is simply not possible. However, there's a lovely motel a few miles away, and we'd be thrilled to pick you up and bring you here for dinner.'' Dear Annie: You printed a letter from ''Bruised in Nebraska,'' the 12- year-old boy who said his brother yelled at him and hit him, and whose mother refused to get involved. Your answer wasn't strong enough. It is pos- sible the writer's brother is, in fact, an abuser in the making, and the mother is in denial. So what if he provokes his brother? The boy has to learn that he cannot hurt anyone, regardless of provocation. Avoiding him will not solve the problem. The only helpful advice you gave was to talk to the school counselor and his doctor. Hopefully, ''Bruised'' will seek guidance before the brother does something that cannot be undone. — Los Angeles, Calif. Dear Los Angeles: Many readers were upset because we said siblings can provoke each other into hitting. Others said the brother was mentally ill. Many readers assumed ''Bruised'' was female and should be treated the same as a spousal abuse victim. Since we didn't have that much information, we treated this as a sibling rivalry that was getting out of hand, and since the parents were doing noth- ing, the school authorities and the fam- ily physician would be the best way to report it. We appreciate our readers' concern and hope ''Bruised'' follows through. California Outdoors Q&A Noise Suppressors for Target Shooting or Hunt- ing? Question: Is it legal to use noise suppressors (mis- takenly called silencers) on rifles and handguns? I know that porting, venting, flash collars and muzzle brakes are okay to use at target ranges and while legally hunting in California. Can a noise suppressor that is attached to the front end of the barrel, or that slides over the front end of the barrel, be lawfully used at a target range or while legally hunt- ing anywhere in California? (Tony N., Sr.) Answer: No, stay com- pletely away from silencers. It is a felony for any person, firm or corporation within the state to possess a silencer (California Penal Code, section 12520). Upon conviction, punishment includes imprisonment in the state prison or a fine not to exceed $10,000, or both. A silencer is defined as "... any device or attachment of any kind designed, used or intended for use in silenc- ing, diminishing or muffling the report of a firearm." This definition and law also applies to any combination of parts, designed or redesigned, and intended for use in assembling or fab- ricating a silencer. Beer on a boat? Question:Why do most, if not all, boats for hire ban taking beer or liquor aboard? I have worked as a deckhand and fully under- stand the safety concerns, as well as what large amounts of space coolers full of beer for up to 70 people on a half-day trip might take up. What I am wondering though is whether there are any U.S. Coast Guard or Department of Fish and Game (DFG) laws against it that I can quote for people who ask. Many of the anglers I've spoken with over the years get angry because they think the boat is just trying to make a buck. (Rob M.) Answer: There is no Fish and Game law pro- hibiting alcohol aboard a boat. However, there is a Harbors and Navigation Code law (section 655) that prohibits a person from operating a vessel while intoxicated, similar to the prohibitions for operating a motor vehicle while intoxi- cated. Lead in possession on a duck hunting refuge? Question: Some say if you are duck hunting on a refuge and you have some lead quail loads in the truck (because you're going quail hunting on the way home in the afternoon), a game war- den could ticket you for having lead shot in posses- sion. Other friends say that as long as the lead shot is secured in the truck and not in your actual possession while hunting, then you're not in violation. It seems to me this situation would be like the 25 shell limit in the field. As far as I know you can have additional shells in your truck as long as you only have 25 or less in your possession while hunting. If you run out then you can return to the truck for more. Who's right? (Eric M.) Answer: You are. As long as the lead stays in your truck, you should have no problem. What to do when an abalone's shell breaks? Question: Earlier this season I was diving a low tide looking for big abs. I happened to find a nine- incher. He was really clamped down and a lot stronger than the clickers I'm used to. In the process of popping him off, the shell broke into pieces. Since I did not know the legality of keeping an ab with a broken shell, I had to leave it there. It haunts me every day. Did I do the right thing? (Jesse L.) Answer: First of all, before trying to pop any abalone off their substrate, be sure to first insert the abalone iron correctly under the animal to be sure you have the appropriate lever- age to pop the animal off without injuring it. If the animal is clamped down too tightly to where you can't get the ab iron under the animal correctly without harming the animal, then you should leave it alone and come back later once the animal has relaxed and you can remove it properly. A better idea would be to pursue another abalone that is not locked down to the rocks. Regarding your situa- tion, you did the right thing as the law requires that abalone are in a whole con- dition and attached to the shell. It is impossible to measure an abalone with a fractured shell and often the abalone is no longer attached to the shell once you fracture it. Next time try to leave a clamped down abalone alone and choose another that may be more easily harvested. Let your ears take care of earwax DEAR DOC- TOR K: I've always used a cot- ton-tipped swab to clean earwax out of my ears. My husband says this is dangerous. I think it would be more harmful to leave the wax in my ears. Who's right? Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. DEAR READER: Is cleaning out earwax nec- essary? No, for most peo- ple it's not. The ear is a self-clean- ing organ. Normally, ear- wax moves from inside the ear canal to the outer ear. Then it either washes out or dries up and falls out, usually without any help. Earwax is actually use- ful. It helps shield the ear canal from damage by water, infection or trauma. It traps particles, such as dust. And it helps elimi- nate bacteria that could damage the canal or eardrum. Like you, many people insert a cotton swab into the ear. But your husband is right. As tempting as that may be, it's potential- ly harmful. The swab may push the wax farther into the ear canal, where it accumu- lates and hardens. Pushing hardened earwax deep into the ear canal can damage the eardrum. Hardened earwax can also cause hearing loss, ringing in the ears (tinni- tus) and earaches. In peo- ple with hearing aids, hardened earwax can cause the aid to malfunc- tion. If earwax is caus- ing any of these problems, it DOES need to be removed. Over-the-counter ear- wax removers can be effective. There is also a safe and effective home remedy for earwax block- age. Use warmed (not hot) baby oil or miner- al oil or liquid docusate sodium, dripped into the ear with your head cocked (to keep it from spilling out). Hold your head cocked for 60 sec- onds and then drain your ear oils onto a washcloth. Or get a bottle of hydrogen peroxide at the drugstore. Soak a cot- ton ball with the hydrogen peroxide. Tilt your head and drip the peroxide into your ear. You may hear it fizz as it tries to dissolve the earwax. After about 30 seconds, drain your ear onto a washcloth. If this helps, do it two to three more times. If this does not remove the wax within a few days, visit your doc- tor. See your doctor first if you have significant ear pain. You could have a perforated ear drum, and flushing the ear could cause an infection. Earwax is there for a reason and doesn't ordi- narily need to be removed. Your best bet is simply to clean your outer ear with a washcloth. Leave wax removal to your ear's own self-clean- ing mechanism. Above all, don't try to remove your earwax with cotton-tipped swabs. You can do more harm than good. I'm all for home remedies — when they work. You don't necessar- ily need a doctor to remove earwax. But you could need a doctor if you try to do home surgery with a swab. We have a lot more information on ear and hearing problems in our Special Health Report, "Hearing Loss: A Guide to Prevention and Treat- ment." You can find out more about it on my web- site. Local Businesses: You can sponsor a whole classroom of kids to design an ad for YOUR business! YOU choose the winning entry. Your kid-designed ad will be featured in FREE Womathlon November 19th , 2011 at Tehama Family Fitness Center Attention Ladies! Test your strength, endurance, and perseverance at this competition! Saturday November 19th Events: • Hex Bar Body Weight Dead Lift for Max Reps in 1 minute • Bench Press 3 Attempts for Max Weight • 25 lbs Kettlebell Snatch for Max Reps in 2 Minutes • Pull up Bar Hang For Time • Medley- TBA • 1.5 Mile Run for Time Cost: Pre Register by 11/1 $15 • Late Registration $25 *Minors must have parent signature Weigh-ins at 8am-First Lift at 9am For More Info Contact Troy 530-528-8656 Tehama Family Fitness Center 2498 South Main St. • 528-8656 www.tehamafamilyfitness.com Free quarter, half or full page ads the week of December 19 full page ads D NEWSAILY RED BLUFF TEHAMACOUNTY • Published as a full section of The Daily News in November For local businesses that publish discounted "Flight" ad programs duringNovember and December. Rates as low as $5.50 Per column inch! Ask your Daily News Advertising representative about Flights of Fancy! (530) 527-2151 • Digital edition stays online for a full year Tuesday, November 1 D NEWSAILY Sponsor Deadline: RED BLUFF TEHAMACOUNTY For details and sponsorship Reservations call your Daily News advertising Representative today! 527-2151 Through a Child's Eyes 3B In the