Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/44711
8A Daily News – Friday, October 14, 2011 FEATURES Perfectionism is a two-edged sword DEAR DOC- TOR K: I've always been a bit of a perfectionist — perhaps more than a bit. This trait helps me in many ways, but sometimes it causes me stress. I wonder if it might have a downside. What are your thoughts on the pros and cons? Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. DEAR READER: There are definitely pros and cons to perfection- ism. Also, keep in mind that the world isn't neatly divided into perfection- ists and non-perfection- ists: There's a little per- fectionism in a lot of people. There surely is in me. (At least, that's what some people say.) Perfectionism defi- nitely has an upside. Doing a job as well as you can is a quality found in many corporate lead- ers, skilled surgeons or Olympic champions. But perfectionism can be exhausting — as you may have noticed. Most of us feel like we have more on our plate than we can easily deal with. The more time we spend trying to get one thing right, the less time for something else. So we need more time, and the time has to come from somewhere. Usually, it comes from time you should spend kicking back and relaxing — and we need to relax. In its more extreme forms, perfectionism can also be hazardous to your mental health. It can lead to a tendency toward end- less self-criticism. You find yourself focusing on your mistakes rather than on your achievements. If you have a tendency to suffer from depression, perfectionism can trigger it. We don't really know what causes perfection- ism. Some people are born to be perfectionists. Watch two kids of the same age playing with the same blocks. One kid lines the blocks up per- fectly, with no gaps. Another lines them up slightly askew. I think perfection- ism in parents is learned by their children, particu- larly those who are born to be perfectionists. One resource that may help you get the most positive return from your perfec- tionism is a new book from Harvard Health Publications called "The Perfectionist's Hand- book." It can help you channel your perfection- ism to be productive with less effort and maintain balance in your work and life. The bottom line is that perfectionism is a dou- ble-edged sword. Setting high standards for your- self can be a very good thing. But if you are con- stantly beating yourself up when you don't meet these standards, it can quickly turn negative. Even if your perfec- tionism is not affecting how you feel about your- self, it can be counterpro- ductive. The biggest problem with perfection- ism: It can feed upon itself and make the per- fect harder to achieve. There's an old saying that "Not everything worth doing is worth doing well." I'm not sure I agree with that, but I would definitely say, "Not everything worth doing is worth doing per- fectly." You are the best judge of whether your perfec- tionism has crossed the line from a helpful per- sonality trait to a burden. If it has, the book I men- tioned may help. A talk with a mental health pro- fessional may also help you sort things out. Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. Go to his website to send questions and get additional information: www.AskDoctorK.com. Dad displeased directives disregarded Dear Annie: My hus- band and my son-in-law are both alpha males. My daughter and I are very close. In the early years of my daughter's marriage, there was a small power struggle between her hus- band and me, but I bit my tongue until it bled. We seem to have reached detente. My husband, how- ever, has not. "Joe,'' my daughter's Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar stepfather, is a smart, nice guy. I married him when my daugh- ter was in high school, and she respects him a great deal. She fre- quently asks for his advice and help. The problem is that my son-in-law, "Todd,'' bristles at any advice from Joe and refuses to accept it. Then Joe becomes angry and cannot accept that Todd doesn't want his territory invaded. We live several states away, but they need our help taking care of our granddaughter, so we visit regu- larly, always at their request. The visits always start out well, but after a day or two, the arguments begin, and I feel caught in the middle. Todd already has a fragile ego because my daughter is the bread- winner. He cannot tolerate Joe's opinions on anything, and I can't ask my daughter to help navigate this issue, because she will rightly back her husband. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Just writing this has helped reduce my blood pressure from our last trip. — Frustrated in Kentucky Health Partnership The Tehama County Health Partnership will meet from 1-3 p.m., Tues- day, Oct. 18, at the Tehama County Depart- ment of Education, 1135 Lincoln St. Tina Robertson and Yuliana Moreno from the county Department of Education will provide an Informational Presenta- tion about Red Ribbon Week. Members will also learn about impacts on services that may occur with the transfer of prison- ers back to the county. Members will continue to work on their 2011/2012 subcommittee workplans. Everyone in the com- munity is invited to attend. The Tehama County Dear Kentucky: It seems your daughter has married someone very much like her stepfather. Allow her to han- dle her husband her own way. You can work on yours. Joe doesn't like that his advice isn't appreciated, so try to get him to understand that Todd is sensitive to being told what to do — just as Joe would be. Arrange your visits so your time together is limited. Stay in a motel if you can afford it. Go out for dinner by yourselves, saying you ''want to give them pri- vacy,'' or better, insist on babysit- ting so they can have a romantic dinner out. When the two men have an unavoidable altercation and your blood pressure rises, leave the room and let them hash it out themselves. Dear Annie: I am 14 and just started high school. I have always been friends with younger kids, so I am worried about making friends when there isn't anyone younger. I go to a small school, and there aren't a ton of people. I am friendly with everyone, but don't have any really good friends I can count on. I had one friend last year who became competitive. She would make fun of me and get my other friends to join along. She still thinks we are good friends, but I am hav- ing other thoughts. I want to find a new best friend. Am I freaking out over nothing? — Confused Dear Confused: Navigating high school can be socially chal- lenging, but it won't help to become Health Partnership is a collaborative effort among various organizations and individuals to improve the health and well being of Tehama County residents. The group's vision is to develop a multi-discipli- nary approach to address- ing the broader determi- nants of population health: thus redefining the con- cept of health to include not only physical and mental health but also education, economy, safe- ty, housing, transporta- tion, recreation and other aspects that influence the quality of life. Protecting and improv- ing the community's health is a shared respon- sibility among residents, public and private institu- tions and community organizations and associa- tions. Join in with the group as they meet the third Tuesday of the month at 1 p.m., alternating between Red Bluff and Corning. For more information call 527-6824 or email jacobsonm@tcha.nct. anxious. Work on developing your self-confidence — it is highly attractive. And remember, not everyone is ''best friend'' material, and thinking you must find some- one puts pressure on you. If you are friendly and easy to be around, you will find people to hang with. Dear Annie: This is in response to the self-absorbed ''Disappointed Reader,'' who thought her in-laws were too demanding by wanting occasional calls and visits. Some of my friends have dis- cussed this attitude. We decided that since our children feel no obligation to call or visit, we no longer have any obligation to give them any- thing. We've helped with down pay- ments, washers, dryers, refrigera- tors, cars, furniture, restaurant meals and trips out of town. We've spent plenty on grandchildren who don't say ''thank you'' or bother to send a birthday card. We were there for them when they needed us. Now they don't have time for us. Our lawyers have rewritten our wills. ''Disappointed Reader'' may discover she isn't getting so much as a personal memento. Thanks for the opportunity to give these selfish brats a heads up. — Nana in Alaba- ma Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. COMMUNITY CLIPS Boat launch closure The boat launch and parking area at Whiskey Creek in Whiskeytown National Recreation Area will be closed to the public through Oct. 16. The clo- sure is to allow the local Redding based California Army National Guard to train at this location with their bridge bay and bridge erection boats and support equipment. "This element of our National Guard needs an appropriate location to train with their unique set of equipment and personnel in support of missions that may be assigned to the National Guard," said Chief Ranger Jim Richardson. "We are happy to provide an ideal training environment and assistance to our National Guard service members in maintaining their readiness for the chal- lenging missions they face on the home front and around the globe." Fishermen and other James W. Tysinger, Jr. M.D. Eye Physician & Surgeon COMPLETE AUTO REPAIR All makes and models. We perform dealer recommened 30K, 60K, 90K SERVICES AT LOWER PRICES Smog Check starting at $ (most cars and pick-ups) 2595 + cert. Pass or FREE retest 527-9841 • 195 S. Main St. Fellow American Academy of Ophtalmology We accept Medical, Medicare & most Insurances Office Hours: Tues-Wed-Thurs 8am-4:30pm Mon & Fri 1pm-5pm For Emergencies, After Hours, Week-ends, Call 530-567-5001 345 Hickory St. Red Bluff Tel: (530) 529-4733 Fax: (530) 529-1114 Veggie Class Friday, October 14 @ 10am 5[[X EQM_[Z What you can do with you Veggie Garden during the winter Please call to reserve a seat boaters who regularly use Whiskey Creek as their favorite boating location are asked to use launch areas at Oak Bottom or Brandy Creek Marina during this closure. Bond Measure Ameeting The public is invited to attend the Citizens Over- sight Committee for Bond Measure A meeting at 6 p.m. on Monday, Nov. 7, at the Shasta College Tehama Campus, Room 7206A, 770 Diamond Ave., in Red Bluff. The purpose of the com- mittee is to inform the pub- lic at least annually in a written report concerning the expenditure of the bond proceeds. In carrying out this purpose, the committee shall: • Actively review and report on the proper expen- diture of taxpayers' money for school construction. • Advise the public as to whether the community college district is in compli- ance with the requirements of paragraph (3) of subdivi- sion (b) of Section 1 of Article XIIIA of the Cali- fornia Constitution, to ensure that: a) bond revenues are expended only for the con- struction, reconstruction, rehabilitation, or replace- ment of school facilities, including furnishing and equipping of school facili- ties, or the acquisition or lease of real property for school facilities; and b) no funds are used for any teacher or administra- tive salaries or other school operating expenses. 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