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Wednesday, October 12, 2011 – Daily News 5A FEATURES Fathers ferocity forges family fracture Dear Annie: My hus- band, ''Fred,'' is one of many siblings. His mother passed away several years ago. Since her death, his father's negative and con- trolling nature has become amplified. He is verbally abusive and would never consider professional help. Dad is in his early 80s, and Fred says he has always been this way. Family gatherings are made miserable by his bul- lying and picking on whomever he chooses to torment. He twists any attempt to discuss it. He is never at fault, he's ''only kidding,'' and the other person is simply weak. In recent months, Dad has felt free to taunt our children, attempt- ing to create competition between the grandkids by showering some with large gifts and teasing the oth- ers about their cousins' good for- tune. When confronted, he claims that some grandkids are more deserving than others. He blatantly favors his daughters and their fami- lies, taking them on lavish vaca- tions, setting up education funds, etc. He categorically denies ever having mistreated his sons' chil- dren, and the sisters believe their dad. They have excoriated Fred via e-mail. Although we've tried to be a dutiful family, helping out when needed and entertaining the rela- tives on our fair share of holidays, my husband has said ''enough.'' Fred has chosen to avoid all family Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar tress Dear Distress: There are some relationships you cannot fix, espe- cially when the other party is not cooperative. Your first obligation is to protect your family from those who treat them terribly. If your hus- band needs to limit contact with his father and sisters, please be support- ive. You can try to get your children together with their cousins outside of family gatherings if their aunts are willing. Dear Annie: At our recent wed- ding, we had 25 guests from the groom's side of the family. Not one of them gave a gift. Is that normal? Should we mention it to the groom's mother? — Just Wondering Dear Wondering: Please don't. While it is customary for people who attend a wedding to give a gift, it is poor manners to demand one. And it is quite possible these guests will send something at a later date. Dear Annie: I read your response to ''Can't Handle Bed- bugs,'' who was unwilling to see her gatherings where Dad is pre- sent. He won't subject our kids to the verbal and emo- tional abuse that he endured his whole life. For months, we have had little contact with Dad or with Fred's sis- ters. My kids miss their cousins. The last time I talked with Dad, he hung up on me. How can I bring peace to this fractured family and keep our children safe? — Daughter-in-Law in Dis- mother-in-law because she feared contracting bedbugs. My daughter had bedbugs. We spent $1,000 to exterminate her small two-bedroom apartment. I can only imagine the cost to exter- minate a house. It also introduced dangerous chemicals into her home. In addition, we spent hun- dreds of dollars cleaning all of the clothing and linens in the apart- ment. Add to that another couple hundred dollars to purchase bed- bug-proof covers for the bedding. We then spent $250 on a dog trained to check our house after our daughter visited to be sure she did- n't bring any of the critters home with her. Add two weeks of lost wages (for me) and two weeks of lost schooling for my daughter while we dealt with this. The cost was just part of it. We were ''uninvited'' to our friend's Thanksgiving meal because she is phobic about bedbugs. The emo- tional, physical and psychological toll was unbelievable. My advice to the daughter-in-law would be to meet Mom only in neu- tral territory and not let her into the house at all. — A Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Secret Shopping winners awarded CORNING — Twen- ty-three customer service super stars, representing ten organizations throughout Tehama County are this year's Customer Service Excel- lence award winners. The awards were pre- sented Thursday morning at the Tehama County Employer Advisory Council's October meet- ing held at Rolling Hills Casino. The morning session included the awards, a full breakfast provided by the casino and a one hour customer service training provided by Amanda Wigno of the Job Train- ing Center. The awards are part of the Expect the Best Customer Service Week celebration which joins National Customer Service Week, always the first full week of October. The awardees were nominated by a team of secret shoppers through- out the county who were on the lookout for excep- tional service. "The service has to be memorable and above and beyond to be consid- ered," said Kathy Garcia of the Job Training Cen- ter, which has been host- ing the event and train- ings for six years. "Every industry has customers and relies on service to retain those customers. This week highlights the importance of this critical skill." Winners include: Robin Mason, Insur- ance and Billing Coordi- nator, Dr. Richard Dun- bar, DDS, Red Bluff, Jamie Blue, Sand- wich Maker, Subway on Specialist for serious sleep disorders DEAR DR. K: I've always been very active in my sleep. I used to tell people I was a sleepwalker, but it's really much more involved than that. I often act out my dreams, and recently I threw a lamp across my bed- room, because I dreamed I was pitching a baseball. Have you heard of a prob- lem like this before? DEAR READER: If you are acting out your dreams, I'd say it's very likely that you have a con- dition called REM Behav- ior Disorder. The type of sleep disturbances you describe certainly fit the bill. As you've experienced, people can get themselves into trouble while dream- ing. Although it sounds a bit like sleepwalking, this disorder involves much more than just walking in your sleep. People have been known to jump through glass windows or climb tall furniture, all while asleep. How does this happen? When we sleep, our bod- ies are normally paralyzed (or nearly so). This is a good thing, because it keeps us safe and in our beds as we sleep. But in people like you with REM Behavior Disorder, the "sleep paralysis" mecha- nism fails. The name REM Behav- ior Disorder comes from the stage of sleep when the eyes move rapidly and dreaming occurs. The stage is called Rapid Eye Movement (REM) sleep. In a sleep laboratory, these rapid eye movements can be detected with electron- ic devices. But you can sometimes see it happen- ing when you look at the closed eyelids of a person sleeping. People tend to have dreams during REM sleep. The brain is extremely active, but the Courtesy photo South Main Street, Red Bluff, Trisha Button, Retail Associate, Lucero Olive Oil, Corning, Doug Dais, Front Desk Repre- sentative, Tehama Family Fitness Center, Red Bluff, Karen Kirby, Cus- tomer Service Represen- tative, Latimer's Pharma- cy, Los Molinos, Mary Govan, Wholesale Accounts Representative and Tasting Room Asso- ciate, New Clairvaux Vineyards, Vina, Carrie Vaillette, Service Spe- cialist, Food Maxx, Red Bluff, Janet Darrow, Owner, Rainbow Realty, Corning. Secret shoppers could not pick just one employ- ee from the following two businesses, so the entire crew at both received awards: Luigi's Pizza, Red Bluff, Lou Bilotto, Owner, Rich Lato, Aaron Hosler, Krista Lindwall, Counseling Center Giving Families Hope! Did you think we were just for children? • Individual & Family Counseling • Couple/Relationship Issues • Anger • Depression • Anxiety • Emotional Trauma • Family Relationships • Parenting Call our office for more info. 529-9454 Red Bluff 590 Antelope Blvd. Suite B-30 Corning Counseling Center 275 Solano Street #2 Noel Holmes, Lloyd Wil- son, Christina Graham. Hoyt-Cole Chapel of the Flowers, Red Bluff, Clayton Draggoo, Digni- ty Memorial Location Manager, Susan Rhoads, Douglas Heathcock, Reese Fernandez, Daniele Warner, Alisha McLean, Adam Machado, Sheila Dennis Local Businesses! DISCOUNTS bundled business-building promotional packages on print, online On Sale OCT 17-28 ONLY! Only available through D NEWSAILY (530) 527-2151 RED BLUFF TEHAMACOUNTY Contact your advertising representative today Each winner received a Certificate of Excellence and a gift certificate donated by a local busi- ness. The Job Training Cen- ter has one-hour customer service boot camps avail- able at your business site throughout October. Cost is $35 per group. Call 529-7000 to learn more. FIRST ANNUAL BOOSTER FALL BONANZA Featuring "1987 State Championship Girls Basketball Team" Saturday, October 15, 2011 Social Hour: Tri-Tip Dinner: 6:30pm Dancing: Live Band - Northern Heat Tyler-Jelly Building Red Bluff Fairgrounds Pre- Ticket: $30 (available from a Red Bluff Spartan Athlete) Tickets at the Door: $40 Sponsored By 5:30pm 8:30pm body is paralyzed, except for some occasional muscle twitches. Scientists don't Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. know why the bodies of people with REM Behav- ior Disorder aren't paralyzed, as they should be during REM sleep. This disorder can occur when people who have been drinking a lot of alcohol stop drinking, or when people stop certain medicines that they've been on for a long time. It also may be present for the first time in people who have developed Alzheimer's disease. But it can also occur for no apparent reason in other- wise healthy people. There are many med- ications that can help, but it may take you and your doctor some trial and error to find the one that's right for you. While you and your doctor try to find a medi- cine for this condition, there are some things you can do to protect yourself from being hurt. Make your bedroom as safe as possible. It may be a good idea to put your mattress directly on the floor, pad the corners of furniture, and remove anything fragile or dan- gerous from the room. If you share your bed with a spouse or partner, per- haps you should sleep in separate rooms until you get the disorder under control. REM Behavior Disor- der is really unusual, and I have never seen a patient with it. If I did have a patient with this condi- tion, I would refer him or her to a sleep specialist. Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. Go to his website to send questions and get additional information: www.AskDoctorK.com. Salmon fest The 21st annual return of the Salmon Festival will be from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m., Oct. 15, at the Cole- man National Fish Hatchery in Anderson. Activities will include viewing salmon spawning operations, access to the Salmon Aquarium, natural resource information booths, child fingerprinting, recreational displays and sporting equipment, wildlife art, children's activities and food by Mistle- toe Junior High School. The event has free admission, parking and a bus shuttle from the Wal-Mart Supercenter. For more information, call 365-8622. James W. Tysinger, Jr. M.D. Eye Physician & Surgeon Fellow American Academy of Ophtalmology We accept Medical, Medicare & most Insurances Office Hours: Tues-Wed-Thurs 8am-4:30pm Mon & Fri 1pm-5pm For Emergencies, After Hours, Week-ends, Call 530-567-5001 345 Hickory St. Red Bluff Tel: (530) 529-4733 Fax: (530) 529-1114 K W I K K U T S Family Hair Salon $200 REGULAR HAIRCUT off with coupon Not good with other offers 1064 South Main St., Red Bluff • 529-3540 Reg. $13.95 Expires 10/31/11