Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/442382
JANUARY 7-13, 2015 UCW 17 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM Great news for t hose of you who t hought The Lord of the Rings t rilog y didn't spend nearly enough t ime showcasing bat t le scenes in lov ing det ail! The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (144 minutes) devotes it self almost exclusively to f ight af ter f ight af ter f ight in an endless c ycle of glorious, blood-soaked slaugh- ter t hat nonet heless manages to earn it self a PG-13 rat ing. Thank you, MPA A for protect ing me f rom inappropriate sexualit y while allow ing hundreds of dead bodies to appear in a f ilm t hat a four teen year old can watch. I sarcast ically applaud your diligence. And while we're on t he subject of t hings I hate, what was w it h t he oldest son of t he dragonslayer in Laketow n? That g uy Bard (Luke Evans) break s out of jail at t he beginning of t he mov ie and heads out to k ill Smaug (Benedict Cumberbatch). His oldest son ignores what his g uardians tell him about how not to die and runs across t he unst able canals t hrough t he burning tow n. He climbs t he crumbling wooden tower to hand his Dad t he magic arrow, only to t um- ble into t he f ier y w reckage at t he end of t he scene. He and his Dad show up in t he af termat h of t he opening sequence to play count t he dead bodies (I seriously cannot emphasize t hat enough. Hundreds of burned and mut ilated corpses=PG-13). But St upid K id W hose Name I Can't Be Bot hered to Remember doesn't stop t here. He insist s on grabbing a sword at ever y oppor t unit y to defend his sisters. Presumably because girls don't use weapons and can't defend t hemselves in t he presence of a biological male. Except in t hat one scene towards t he end of t he mov ie when t hat one woman steps up and says "Let 's f ight alongside our men." W hich would have been a powerf ul moment, if it had happened earlier in t he f ilm and act ually resulted in seeing t he women f ight on screen. Of course, we could t alk about Tauriel (Evangeline Lilly) t he Made Up Chick Elf Character. She get s a bow and she get s to f ight alongside t he men. Unt il her feelings about K ili (Aiden Turner) dist rac t her, and t hen she yells his name and he ends up losing t he f ight because chick s are such a dist ract ion. And t hen she get s mot ivated to f ight bet ter, at least unt il she falls of f t he side of a mount ain and passes out . Luck ily, Legolas (t he botoxed corpse formerly k now n as Orlando Bloom) is t here to t ake over and save her so she can go cr y over K ili instead of going back into bat t le to k ill more Orcs. A ll t he bat t les are interspersed w it h Middle Ear t h t riv ia link ing The Hobbit t rilog y to t he Lord of the Rings. The f inal f ilm in The Hobbit t rilog y (at least unt il t hey f ind a way to t ie The Simarillion material into t he Middle Ear t h Money machine) wasn't a bad f ilm. Unfor t unately, it was an unnecessar y f ilm. If you like your fant asy f ilms to focus almost ent irely on special-ef fec t s-driven bat t les t hen you're going to like t his way more t han I did. It look s amazingly pret t y, but it took t he most boring par t of t he series (endless descript ions of who k illed who in what bat t le) and t urned t hat into a mov ie. Now show ing at Wy nnsong 7, Market Fair 15, Carmike 12 and Pat riot 14. In Which Thorin Turns into a Big Jerk The Hobbit:The Battle of Five Armies (Rated PG-13) by HEATHER GRIFFITHS HEATHER GRIFFITHS, Contributing Writer. COMMENTS? Editor@ upandcomingweekly.com. 910.484.6200. CONGRATULATIONS CLASS OF 2014! Be part of the class of 2018! It has never been a better time to be a Monarch. Methodist University is close to home, and the MU Journey will empower you with opportunities that will enable you to live a life full of meaning and purpose. Visit www.methodist.edu today. Apply now for Spring 2015 All classes start January 12. 910.630.7000 | facebook.com/MethodistUniversity 5400 Ramsey Street | Fayetteville NC 28311