Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/440033
DEC. 31 - JAN. 6, 2015 UCW 19 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Leave of Absinthe I drank too much mystery punch at an office party last week and confessed my unre- quited crush to a co-worker. He thanked me and said he was " flattered." I was mortified and now feel really uncomfortable at the of- fice. How can I fix this? — Embarrassed My boyfriend, whose favorite self-help book is The Godfather, had this helpful sug- gestion: "Hire a hit man and have the guy clipped." Unfortunately, this advice violates my rule of not solving people's problems by giving them bigger problems, like a first-de- gree murder charge. Instead, inject a little perspective. Okay, you spewed at the party, but now, back at the office, your thoughts aren't running across your forehead, CNN news-ticker-style: "I'm in love with you. You're so hot. I love your tie. Marry me." To make yesterday's drunken blurta- tion today's "I said no such thing," align how you act with the message you want to send. This starts with realigning your head. Reframe what happened. Tell yourself that it was gutsy to put yourself out there. Next, tell yourself that you accept that he's not interested. Repeat until these notions sink in. If you use these thoughts to avoid acting uncomfortable around him — no look of sweaty shame, no tight smile at the copier — he'll have no reason to be uncomfortable around you. It's like giving yourself a reset — that is, until you drink too much at lunch and he finds your Post-it on his computer: "I still wanna have your babies. Don't forget!" Lawn and Order How can I get the guy I'm dating to shave his neck beard? He shaves his face but not this thick scrubby hair he has all down and around his neck. Mercifully, the hair is rela- tively short; it isn't Amish-length or otherwise truly beardy. But it really is not attractive. — Not Liking The View There are practical reasons for a neck beard. For example, if a guy's car were to go off a mountain road, he might survive a few extra days on trapped Cheetos dust. Assuming this sort of situation is unlikely, you can put in a request for neck beard removal. Because criticism tends to make people feel hurt and defensive, it's most successful when reformatted as flattery. In other words, tell him how hot he is, but tell him you think he'd look even hotter with a cleanshaven neck, and ask him to try that for you for the next time you see him. Be ready to counter possible objections, like that he gets razor bumps. Magic Razorless Cream Shave, a drugstore product designed for black men, can help him prevent them while also removing the Brillo pad making love to his neck. This area can be a power- ful erogenous zone — just not when it's hard to figure out whether it's saying "Kiss me!" or "Use me to clean your oven!" WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD People advertising for love interests via online dating sites have apparently become picky about how they describe their sexuality. To the usuals (male, female, gay, heterosexual) have been added recently (as reported by NPR in December after surveying OkCupid.com) "asexual," "androgynous," "genderqueer" (evidently not the same as "gay"), "queer" (not quite "gay," either), "questioning," "trans man," "transsexual," "transmasculine," "heteroflexible" and "sapiosexual" (turned on by "intelligence"). Still, some users of the site found the choices inadequate. One young woman described her sexual orientation as "squiggly," and the reporter cited others who thought highly of that term. [NPR, 12- 4-2014] Bright Ideas Britain's Home Office revealed in November (by releasing archived documents from 1982) that among the contingency suggestions for worst- case nuclear attack on the country was commissioning "psychopaths" to help keep order. They are "very good in crises," an advocate wrote, because "they have no feelings for others, nor moral code, and tend to be very intelligent and logical," and thus could do quite well at containing the vigilante survivalist enclaves that might develop in the event parts of the kingdom became lawless. (After an apparently thoughtful debate, the suggestion was not agreed to.) [The Independent, 11-1-2014] Great Art! At a recent art show at Paris' Palais de Tokyo, Italian artist Sven Sachsalber, for his provocative piece, brought in a large haystack on Nov. 13, dropped a needle into it, and gave himself two days to find it. Late the next day, he picked it up. (Palais de Tokyo calls itself an "anti-museum par excellence.") [Daily Mail (London), 11-14-2014] Ironies (1) Three homes on the Pacific Ocean near Grayland, Washington, were washed away by violent rainstorms in early December, but the residents had seen it coming. The longtime local name for the area is "Washaway Beach." Said one, "I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, but I had hoped it wasn't this soon." (2) In November, an airline's advertising staff created the catchy slogan (to attract impulse travelers), "Want to go somewhere, but don't know where?" and convinced management to send it, via Twitter, to the airline's thousands of followers. (Spoiler: The airline was Malaysia Airlines, whose Flight 370 still has not been found.) [KOMO-TV (Seattle), 12-11-2014] [Malta Independent, 11-28-2014] ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 It may seem that you have your head in the clouds, Aries. But you know that you have everything under control. Disregard the critics and keep plugging away. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, look inside yourself for the solution to a problem that has puzzled you. You understand the situation better than anyone else, so bear down and find the solution. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 There is no easy way out of the work you have to get done, Gemini. Just hunker down and accept that these tasks have to be completed before you can move on. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 You may feel some pressure from higher-ups, Cancer. But don't allow that pressure to distract you from the tasks at hand. You will get things done on time. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, after weeks of running around, it is finally time to kick your feet up and relax. The concept may seem strange to you, but soon enough you will get the hang of it. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, you have been stuck on a problem but the solution is right around the corner. Perhaps you should change your perspective and go about it in a new way. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Focus on the positives of a new venture even if you're nervous about the outcome, Libra. If you let negative thoughts slide in you can quickly be overwhelmed. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 New possibilities seem to arise out of nowhere, Scorpio. Embrace the good fortune coming your way and make the most of these wonderful and exciting opportunities. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 It will take some energy to referee a situation at home, Sagittarius. Strong personalities can clash at times, but you have a way of working through the obstacles. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Don't try to hide your emotions this week, Capricorn. If others know just how you are feeling they will be more likely to offer a helping hand and some valuable advice. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 You have an infectious amount of energy this week, Aquarius. That will serve you well because many things are piling up on your to- do list. You're ready to meet tasks head-on. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Do you feel like you're being pulled in too many directions, Pisces? Let up on accepting any new responsibilities for now. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard