Up & Coming Weekly

NOVEMBER 4-10, 2009 UCW 31 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Ducky Rubber I kept seeing this woman I was interested in at pool parties, but I've always been very shy and reluctant to make the first move. At the third party, she hugged me as she was leaving. The following week, she kissed me. I invited her to come up for dinner. We had a great time. I even kissed her, and she didn't resist. Several days later, she said she'd see me at my condo's pool that afternoon, but never showed or called. Midweek, I texted her, inviting her over for "drinks, soft music, and a nice relaxing massage to ease the stress of the work week." No response. Amy, I just meant a back rub, clothes on, like I once gave a female friend. I've never thought of a massage as having sexual connotations. Do you think she inferred that from my offer of a "stress reliever," and is that where I went wrong? — Devastated A guy who's "never thought of a massage as having sexual connotations" is a guy who thinks it's an act of rudeness to be male. No, none of that sexually aggressive "Me Tarzan, you Jane" stuff for you: "Um, if it's not a big deal...and if it is, I totally understand...but maybe we could spend a respectful, gender-neutral afternoon exploring the Tarzan archetype, then use this coupon I have for a two-for-one cucumber facial." Of course, offering a woman a massage is, like, the oldest college boy sex gambit in the book: "If you'd just take your shirt off, I could really get at that knot." The thing is, if the woman isn't already sleeping with you, she's going to find the massage offer creepy — unless it comes as a spontaneous (or seemingly spontaneous) idea in the context of hanging out. Women do expect dating to lead to getting it on: two people engaging in some naturally occurring, mutually satisfying makeout- type stuff — not "Hey, why don't you come over and lie there face down while I tenderize you like a roast?" A woman doesn't want a "stress- reliever"; she wants a date — with a man who's man enough to say "Hey, let's go out." This simple approach suggests he feels he's enticement enough; he isn't telling her "I know an evening with me isn't that great an offer, but maybe if I throw in free spa services?" Chances are, you also take rejection personally instead of thinking maybe the woman has a boyfriend or a girlfriend or maybe you aren't her type — all of which should lead you to the same simple, unemotional conclusion: Whoops, time to move on to the next. No, no, you couldn't possibly take that approach. Poor dear, you've "always been very shy and reluctant to make the first move." Well, for sure don't do anything to try to change that. Continue taking the mousy way out, admiring your favorite pool bunny from afar, and praying she'll be man enough to throw herself at you. Instead of getting her on the phone and asking her out, continue to duck rejection — or at least knowing whether you've been rejected — by text messaging her. It should help you while away the weekends, trying to solve the mystery of whether she has texting disabled, whether her phone fell in the toilet, or whether she did get your message — the intended or the unintended one: "There are alpha males, Amy Alkon WEEKLY HOROSCOPE THIS WEEK in the STARS www.Astrology-101.com ARIES - March 21 thru April 20 Your Money sector plays host to this week's Full Moon. If bills are starting to pile up one of your skills could become an added source of income. TAURUS - April 21 thru May 21 Full Moon in your sign focuses on your Personal sector. Month may bring favorable overtones to improve things. When one door closes, another opens. GEMINI - May 22 thru June 21. Time to relax, to listen to your intuition. Our subconscious often has the answers to our questions. Anticipate good things, associate with supportive people. CANCER - June 22 thru July 23 Lucky you! Your sector of Hope plays host to Full Moon's new position. It works in your behalf. What you are wishing for can come to pass. LEO - July 24 thru August 23 Recognition for a job well done or for services rendered are probable. Take advantage of new Career of Community opportunities Full Moon may open. VIRGO - August 24 thru Sept 23 Gains thru negotiations with people in far away places cannot be ignored. Busi- ness may be combined with Holiday socials. Compromise to reach agreements. LIBRA - Sept 24 thru Oct 23 Emphasis on joint fi nances may come as Full Moon moves thru your Investment sector. Benefi ts could be gained if you focus your attention in one direction. SCORPIO - Oct 24 thru Nov 22 Meaningful associations, whether personal or business related should have answers under this week's Full Moon. Be adaptable in times of change. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23 thru Dec 21 Work sector plays host to Full Moon. Changes may develop that could be more to your liking. Health programs started now work in your favor. CAPRICORN - Dec 22 thru Jan 20 . Accent should be on creativity and how to cash in on your abilities. An aggressive approach should help your talents bring benefi ts. You are better than you think! AQUARIUS - Jan 21 thru Feb 19 A real estate or Domestic matter appears to be taking shape nicely. A contract that may have been on "hold" should be moving ahead again. PISCES - Feb 20 thru March 2F0 If at fi rst you didn't succeed, the Full Moon is a time to "try again". Efforts will work to your advantage if you follow up with people you've seen before. NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD The human brain's 100 billion neurons may have such specifi c functions that a few electrically charge only upon recognition of a single celebrity, such as Oprah Winfrey or Bill Clinton. UCLA researchers, studying the healthy cells of pre-op epilepsy patients, inadvertently discovered this unusual property, which apparently varies with individuals but remains internally consistent, whether the celebrity is represented by picture, name or sound. Patients were presented "hundreds of stimuli," one researcher told The Wall Street Journal in October, but "the neuron would respond to only one or two." For example, neurons were found that reacted only to Jennifer Aniston, only to The Simpsons, only to Mother Teresa. [Wall Street Journal, 10-9-09] The Continuing Crisis In 2002, following an acrimonious family debate, the head of late baseball slugger Ted Williams was cryogenically frozen, in the hope that science will some day learn how to revive dead people. An employee of the Arizona lab that stores the head recently disclosed some inside shenanigans, according to a September report in the New York Daily News. According to the employee, to keep Williams' head from sticking to the inside of its storage carton, the head was placed on an empty Bumble Bee tuna fi sh can inside the container, but the can itself then stuck to the head and had to be whacked off with a monkey wrench. (Since the lab's work is secretive, only fi rst-person reports are likely to emerge on this story.) [New York Daily News, 10-2-09] High-Maintenance Goddesses: In Ahmedabad District, India, in September, Ramveer Singh Baghel, 35, sliced off his tongue as an offering to the goddess Amba. His sacrifi ce made him an instant deity in the local temple, delaying his trip to the hospital. [Times of India, 9-28-09] Adventure in the Bush: In June, after a monitored, endangered marsupial (a "woylie") was killed in West Australia, scientists set out to recover the expensive radio collar transmitter it was wearing, but as they approached the signal, a 6-foot-long python swallowed the woylie and collar. The scientists captured the snake, intending to wait for the collar to pass through, but poachers broke into the Department of Environment and Conservation's shelter and stole the python, surely intending to sell it. According to a June report in The West Australian, the scientists, aided by authorities, eventually picked up the radio transmissions again, arrested one poacher, and freed the snake from its impending life of captivity. [The West Australian, 6-27-09]

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