Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/414441
NOVEMBER 12-18, 2014 UCW 23 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Along Came Polygraph I'm an aspiring comedian — seriously aspiring — so I'm out most nights doing stand-up. My girlfriend gets upset about all the time I put into this and expects my nights off to be spent with her. Recently, I was go- ing to an open mic, when a friend called and invited me to a birthday party. I ended up blowing off stand-up for the party, but later, my girlfriend asked me how stand-up went and I just said "fine." I don't normally lie, but looking back, I was just tired and not up for a drawn-out conversation. The next morning, I said something about the party, and she re- alized that I'd lied. Now she is upset and says that if I'd lie about something so insignifi- cant, maybe I'm lying about bigger things. — Stand-up Guy Yours was not a white lie — a lie to spare another person's feelings — but more of a beige lie: a lie to spare your own feelings (allowing you to get into bed instead of into a three-hour parole hearing). Even small lies gnaw away at trust and can destroy your bond. But seeing as there's no evidence you're a serial liar, what's important is why you told this lie. Maybe you're generally conflict-avoidant. But chances are, you're specifically conflict- avoidant — comedy conflict-avoidant — probably because your girlfriend sees your devotion to your comedy as a crime against the relationship. This is probably what led her to believe that all of your non-comedy nights belong to her — which amounts to your being an indentured boyfriend, working off all your stand-up nights with romantic evenings out. When you love somebody, no, spend- ing time with them isn't the worst thing in the world. But you also need time to goof off and be a person — to cut out of comedy some night to hang with a friend at a party or just sit in your underwear and stare at the UPC label on a can of beer. As you've seen, avoiding conflict doesn't make it go away; it just goes away and sharpens its fangs. You and your girlfriend need to discuss whether she's truly on board with your doing comedy and all that entails, including your need for some unapproved lone fun. If, for her, this isn't so much about time as it is about feeling important to you, you could pledge to be extra-affectionate when you're together — hug her, kiss her, sweetie-talk her — and set aside a designated day every week to spend together (as a number of comedy couples do). If she can opt for quality over quantity, you should be able to retire from your brief career as a failed liar — or at least put lying in its proper place: getting out of your driveway in the morning with- out starting a blood feud with the neighbor and keeping holiday dinners with the family from ending with somebody's face pressed between the plates of the George Foreman grill. WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD Julian Assange, the WikiLeaks publisher of state secrets who remains holed up in the embassy of Ecuador in London, has signed on with an Icelandic licensing agent to sell Assange-branded high-end clothing, shoes and various household goods in India and much of Europe, and is negotiating to put his logo on apparel in Japan and the U.S. The agent told The New York Times in October that "WikiLeaks" and "Assange" "can be as big as Coca-Cola." A 46-page book sets out licensing standards (e.g., no tacky slogans, such as "We Steal Secrets") and includes the one approved Assange portrait (an "idealized line drawing" of him "gazing soulfully into what is presumably a better future," wrote the Times). [New York Times, 10-23-2014] Things You Thought Couldn't Happen A Practical Use for Trigonometry: When a stampede killed pigs and induced sows' abortions on a farm near York, England, two years ago, the operator of a noisy hot- air balloon denied responsibility, referring to a court order keeping balloons 500 meters away. Using GPS coordinates and the location of dead pigs, a mathematics professor at York University (employing trigonometry, he said) proved that the balloon could not have been more than 300 meters away. After the professor "showed his work" on the problem, the balloon's insurer upped the settlement to almost four times its initial offer. [The Northern Echo (Weybridge, England), 10-13-2014] Lucky Dog Retreat Rescue in Indianapolis reported in October that, even after many heroic saves, they had never heard of a dog like Adam, who is apparently allergic to humans. Following a blood test to determine why he remained so sickly despite therapies, a doctor reported that Adam is allergic to human dander, and researchers told WRTV that a special serum was being prepared. [WRTV (Indianapolis), 10-14-2014] Things You Thought Would Happen Britain's The Guardian reported in October that repairing the "fashion" holes in earlobes is one of the fastest- growing cosmetic procedures in the U.K., as millennial generation radicals tire of their half- to 3/4-inch, see-through lobes. Doctors charge up to $3,000 to remove the entire area around the hole (originally created by stretching the tissue) and connect the healthy parts back so they fuse together. (A Hawaiian man, not currently a patient, supposedly has the largest ear hole, nearly 4 inches in diameter.) [The Guardian, 10-18-2014] ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Aries, containing your emotions may be challenging this week. Exciting events begin to unfold, so enjoy them as much as possible. Enlist some friends to join the fun. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Practice discretion this week, Taurus. You do not know how a particular situation will unfold, so it is better to stay neutral until the entire situation settles. Then you can take action. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Some colleagues may want to goof off all week long and get nothing accomplished, Gemini. But you have other goals and know some hard work now means fun later. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 It is time for you to step up and take the reins, Cancer. Your leadership skills have long been an asset, and it's time to put them to use for the greater good. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, an upcoming adventure has you brimming with excitement. Some people are drawn to your vigor, while others are a little uncomfortable. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Downplay your authority this week, Virgo. Newcomers to your place of employment will feel more comfortable around you if they don't have to worry about rank. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, it is impossible to postpone a commitment any longer. It may not seem like the right time just yet, but you need to forge ahead anyway and handle things as they come. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 It is easy to feel burnt out before you achieve a goal, Scorpio. You just need to learn how to pace yourself a little better and to ignore distractions that result in delays. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Express your creativity this week, Sagittarius. You have long felt the desire to display this other side, and now is a great time to do so. Encourage others to do the same. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, express your emotions this week even if you think your ideas will not garner much support. Exercise diplomacy, as you do not want to engage in any conflicts. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 You may explore different interests and hobbies this week only to find that nothing seems to be the right fit, Aquarius. Do not let it get you down. You will find the answer. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Don't squander money on a lavish purchase this week, Pisces. There are better ways to spend your money in the coming weeks. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard