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Tuesday, August 9, 2011 – Daily News 3B FEATURES Terrorizing teenagers triumph Dear Annie: My son is being emo- tionally tortured by his teenage daugh- ters. He has been divorced from their mother for years, but has always been there for his kids. He’s never missed a support payment and shares responsi- bility for them. Now the 17-year-old is terrorizing him. My son recently remarried, and the girl hates his wife, who happens to be a very nice young woman. The teenager also encourages her younger sister to do the same. It got so bad that his new wife had to tell my grand- daughter that she was no longer wel- come in their home. All this nasty behavior is being encouraged by the ex-wife. How can I help? I’m a grandparent trapped in the middle. I don’t want to lose my granddaughter by tak- ing my son’s side in front of her, but I can hardly sit back and see him hurt over and over by her awful behavior. I love her and her sister, too. What should I do? — Lost in Frustration Dear Lost: It is not uncommon for children of Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar divorced parents to wish their parents would get back together. When your son remarried, it interfered with your granddaughter’s fantasy world, and she is punish- ing him, hoping to break up his marriage and put things back the way they were. Unfortunately, the more likely scenario is that she will create a long-term estrange- ment from her father. Urge your son to get counseling for both his children to help them deal with their hostility and remaining problems with the divorce. If they are too difficult to have around the new wife, Dad should visit them out- side his home. He should not stop seeing them regard- less of their horrific behavior, since that will only exac- erbate their anger and sense of abandonment. As the grandmother, please stay close to those girls, and help them mature into understanding and tolerant adults. Dear Annie: Please tell me how to handle this. Last year, we gave our son a big graduation party and invit- ed lots of friends and tons of relatives. Of all the fami- ly members, including aunts and cousins, only two showed up. Yet when another nephew had a graduation party two weeks later, all of these same relatives were there. Do these people not realize the hurt feelings this causes? We have now been invited to a delayed graduation party for a niece whose parents did not bother to come to our event. Frankly, we don’t feel like attending. This kind of slight has happened before with these family members, but we attended their events anyway out of obligation. We felt resentful and still do. If we decide not to attend this party, how do I respond when asked why I wasn’t there? — Nebraska Dear Nebraska: You smile politely and say, ‘‘Sorry, we had other plans.’’ No other explanation is necessary. Dear Annie: I read the letter from ‘‘Unwilling,’’ who didn’t want to bring an appetizer to a friend’s party. I don’t know what the big problem is. Throwing a party may be fun, but it’s a lot of hard work. Why can’t the host ask a couple of good friends to bring some- thing? I always offer. Usually, I am flattered to be asked, because it means they enjoy my cooking and trust that I will bring something awesome. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think she should feel obligated to bring an item to a party. Her reaction just seemed a tad extreme. — Gracious Guest in N.C. Dear Guest: Some people perceive the role of host as the person who sends the invitations, while the guests are expected to pay for the actual event by sup- plying the food, etc. This may be fine when it is an informal gathering among friends, and a good friend should not be offended when asked to bring something. However, if you are issuing a formal invitation to a major event, the host pays. Period. If you cannot afford a fancy bash, you have a more modest one. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Reader should see specialist for Rotoscoliosis DEAR DR. GOTT: I am a 72-year-old female and have been diagnosed with roto- scoliosis. The doctor explained how my back was rotating. My doctor sent to me physical therapy. After six weeks they told me they were through. It didn’t help me. I have been going to a chiropractor on a regular basis, as well. When I asked my doc- tor about rotoscoliosis, he said, “You better hope you are brain dead or in a rest home when it worsens.” Needless to say, I didn’t want to hear that. What can you tell me about this? Can anything be done? I have good bones and go in annually for checkups. DEAR READER: Rotoscoliosis is a term most often used to describe a severe form of scoliosis in which the Dr. Peter Gott spine not only curves to the side (as is normal with scolio- sis), but the curvature is also associat- ed with a strong degree of rotation. Treatment in v olv es proactive pain therapy and possible spinal fusion to prevent further curvature and rotation. I suggest you ask your physician to refer you to a spinal orthopedist or neurosurgeon for exami- nation, testing and treat- ment. As an aside, I believe your physician was unnecessarily harsh and uncaring in his response to you. Rotoscoliosis is a painful condition, but there are more compas- sionate, helpful ways to deliver that news. You are not without hope, and getting help early may be your best chance at preventing future problems and pain. DEAR DR. GOTT: I desperately need infor- mation on how to get a mentally ill relative to seek treatment. He and his family immigrated to the United States in October 2009. I believe he had issues before they came here, but the new environment and pres- sure of living here final- ly caused him to buckle. Two months ago he start- ed intensely interrogat- ing his wife about her hundreds of alleged affairs and other non- existent events. Since then it has become a daily ritual of verbal and sometimes physical abuse against his wife. I live 300 miles away and have tried to talk to him over the phone. He exploded when I men- tioned he should see a doctor. I am helplessly watch- ing him destroy his fam- 1 month unlimited tanning Tehama Family Fitness Center only $25 We’ve added a 3rd Stand Up Unit! 2 lay down beds 3 stand up units 1 month unlimited tanning limited to 2 per customer Any Lotion only $15 Offer ends August 31 2498 South Main St., Red Bluff 528-8656 www.tehamafamilyfitness.com ily and himself. I suspect he is schizophrenic, and I have found a couple of clinics in his hometown that accept sliding-scale payments according to household income, but he refuses to admit he’s mentally ill. I don’t know how to get him to go. Could you offer some advice? Are there other resources available to them to deal with his problem? DEAR READER: Unless the person can be proved to be a direct danger to himself or oth- ers, forced commitment isn’t possible. The patient has to be ready and will seek out help only when he or she is willing to admit there is a problem. Unless your relative’s wife is willing to press charges, I’m afraid there is little that can be done. She isn’t doing herself any favors by staying, especially given your statement that she is enduring daily emotional and sometimes physical abuse. If there are chil- dren involved, it is para- mount to their well- being, physically, men- tally and emotionally, that they not be exposed to this. The families of alcoholics have support groups; I am sure there are similar groups for those with mentally ill or abused parents/spouses. My advice? Stay in contact. Remain a calm, stable force for both your relative and his wife. Offer your love and support. The clinics you found in his hometown may be able to offer his wife some local sources of support and advice. Suggest that she contact them. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com.