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4B Daily News – Saturday, July 30, 2011 FEATURES Gauche gag gets guy gargantuan grief Dear Annie: My wife, ‘‘Amy,’’ is 26. She is a wonderful, pretty girl, and I love her to pieces. We’ve been married two years. Her married sister, ‘‘Zoe,’’ is a year older and super- model gorgeous, but I have never been even remotely attracted to her. A few months back, we had a big family party to watch the royal wedding. Somewhere along the way, a lighthearted discussion broke out among the guys as to who was more attractive — the bride or her sister. That’s when I made the biggest mistake of my life. I joked that my brother-in-law was lucky he nabbed Zoe first, or I would have snatched her up. I don’t know why I said it. I didn’t even mean it. Zoe and my mother-in-law shot daggers at me, and my wife was quiet for the rest of the evening. I decided I would apologize as soon as we got home, but I never had the chance. As soon as we walked in the door, Amy went totally ballis- tic. She screamed and cried about how I humiliated her in front of everyone, and that she’d felt sec- ond-best to Zoe her entire life. I knew she was hurt, but no matter what I said or how hard I apolo- gized, she refused to accept that it was a joke. She said she always believed I had underlying feelings for her sister, and now everyone else thinks so, too. Then, to my hor- ror, she packed her bags and said Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar our marriage was over. I figured I’d give her time to calm down, but things went south from there. Amy told me she couldn’t be mar- ried to a man who was so insensitive, and after that, she refused to see me or speak to me. The next thing I know, I’m being served with divorce papers. I don’t know what to do. Her family has swooped in to shield her from me, so I can’t even get close enough to suggest counseling. Everyone is angry with me, and I’m angry with myself and my big, stupid mouth. Even though I know I was wrong, I can’t believe a wonderful marriage can be over just because of a flip- pant comment that I didn’t mean. Is there any hope for us? — Suffering Soon-to-Be Ex Dear Suffering: Aside from your incredible disregard for your wife’s major sore spot, many peo- ple believe that such ‘‘flippant comments’’ hold hidden truths (see: Freud). At this point, there may be no way to convince Amy that you don’t harbor salacious thoughts about Zoe. Your best bet is to enlist the help of Amy’s parents. Apologize to them. Admit you were an obtuse idiot. Cry. Beg them to get Amy to consider counseling. We hope it works. You sound truly remorseful. Dear Annie: My husband is going to be evaluated for a lung transplant next month, but he is having second thoughts. I asked the doctor if he could put my husband in touch with people who have undergone this surgery and was surprised that he couldn’t help me. I want my husband to have all the facts before he decides one way or the other and would be grateful for your help. — Theresa in Florida Dear Theresa: Try Second Wind Lung Transplant Association (2ndwind.org) at 1-888-855-9463 and Transplant Recipients Interna- tional Organization (trioweb.org) at 1-800-TRIO-386 (1-800-874- 6386). We wish your husband all the best. Dear Annie: I am writing in response to ‘‘Tired of Living with Silent Bob,’’ whose wife of 20 years gets angry over little things on a daily basis. I, too, suffered from anger over every little thing. Talking to coun- selors did nothing. I finally dis- cussed it with my doctor, who diag- nosed me with clinical depression and put me on medication. What a change! Clinical depression is a daily battle, but with medication, I’m able to be less angry. — BTDT Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Surge in ranks of unpaid caregivers SACRAMENTO, (MCT) — Jeris Baker lives with her 91-year-old father in his Land Park home and takes care of him. She pays his bills. She doles out the 17 medica- tions he takes every day for issues ranging from dementia to heart problems and macular degeneration. She watches over him at night, worried about his sleep apnea. She takes him to the doctor and deals with the maze of his med- ical insurance. She makes sure he has a comfortable life. And she's grateful. "I'm glad I have time with my dad," said Baker, 46, a Sacramento art teacher whose latest pink slip was recently rescind- ed. "Once they're gone, you don't have a second chance." She and many of the other 62 million family caregivers in the United States couldn't pay for the quality of care they give their loved ones. And according to an AARP report released last week, the nation couldn't pay for it, either. Family caregivers — increasingly, middle-aged offspring taking care of their elderly parents — provided $450 billion worth of unpaid home care in 2009, says AARP. That's more than the country's total Medicaid spending that year — more, for that matter, than WalMart's total sales in 2009. It's also 20 percent higher than unpaid home care totals for two years earlier. "If the family caregiver were no longer available, we'd see an immediate rise in nursing home use and rehospitalization," said Susan Reinhard, AARP senior vice president for public policy. "Being a family care- giver is becoming a fact of life, and it's becoming more complicated because of the increasing demands of health care." For two-thirds of older adults, family members are the only source of care. They step up to help, because that's what fami- Lyme disease testing varies DEAR DR. GOTT: I am a 39-year -old female recently diagnosed with Lyme disease. For the past 3-1/2 months, I have been experienc- ing many ner- vous system symptoms and actually had a test done to detect Lyme disease about 1-1/2 months ago. It came up negative. Dr. Peter Gott I happened to get information through a friend that there are actually two types of Lyme tests and that one is much more accurate than the other. I then went to a specialist who ordered the more sensi- tive test and discovered that I do, indeed, have Lyme. I am shocked because I haven’t been hiking much in recent years, although I did a fair amount when I was younger — and I don’t live in a particularly high-risk area. I have been freaking out for the past few months think- ing I had MS or God knows what else. I am very concerned about others out there who could have Lyme disease and come up with a negative test because it was not the right test. I am confused about why the less accu- rate test hasn’t been dis- continued, as it is so misleading. (This is the test currently being ordered by most MDs). Please tell your readers about the two types of test as well as Lyme symptoms. It could liter- ally save someone’s life! Sign me ... GLAD TO BE DIAGNOSED FROM THE CENTRAL COAST OF CALIFOR- NIA DEAR READER: MCT photo Jeris Baker, 46, puts compression stockings on her father John Hill, 91, outside their home, as her son Kirt Baker, 20, left, arrives to help her care for him July 20. lies do. Some _ like Sacra- mento resident Deborah Terry, whose 80-year-old mother, Marie Thomas, has dementia and lives with her —don't even think of what they do as caregiv- ing. "I think of it more as, my mom had problems, and I'm helping her," said Terry, 61, who works in accounting. "Caregiving sounds like a nurse, you know? She's just my mom." Still, taking care of loved ones can exact a toll. Statistically speaking, the average caregiver is a 49-year-old woman who works full time and spends 20 hours a week helping her elderly mother for five years' time. She makes 15 percent less than col- leagues who don't take care of aging relatives, according to U.S. Census data. As she juggles her responsibilities, she's like- ly to reduce her work hours or quit. During the recent economic crisis, says the National Alliance for Caregiving, she was 20 percent more likely to con- solidate households with her elderly loved ones to save money. And she's so stressed, researchers have found, that she may lose up to 10 years off her own life expectancy. Linda Bachini helps care for her late mother's elderly brother and sister, who live together in Rock- lin. Recent medical prob- lems sent Bachini's aunt, 91-year-old Helen Payne, into a nursing home _ tem- porarily, the family hopes. Now Bachini's uncle, who is 84 and suffers from mac- ular degeneration and kid- ney disease, is alone. "Last week, I was get- ting kind of hopeless," said Bachini, 55, who lives in Lincoln and works in a jewelry store. "What do I do? Do we sell their house? Do I quit my job to take care of them? "My husband and I get frustrated and exhausted. We're just so busy. It's challenging being there with my uncle and then going to the nursing home and then doing our jobs. If my aunt can't come home, my uncle will have to live with us." To ease the situation, she's trying to find part- time care through Seniors First, a Placer County, Calif., nonprofit agency that offers services for the elderly. Support groups and community organizations can also help family care- givers find relief from the stress, suggests Peter Reed, chief executive officer of the Pioneer Network, a national elder care advoca- cy group, and Sacramento County's new Adult and Aging Commission chair- man. "It's about taking care of yourself as much as the person you're providing care to," Reed said. Up to 70 percent of family caregivers suffer clinical levels of depres- sion, experts say. "To some extent, who wouldn't be depressed?" Baker said. "Who would enjoy this?" She remembers her father as a tall, lean man with a good sense of humor who was dedicated to his family. But now, at 91, John Hill's dementia and other medical prob- lems are getting the best of him. The other day, Baker says, he woke her in a panic before dawn, con- vinced he was trapped in a birdcage. "It's emotionally stress- ful," she said. "Just extremely stressful. He's your dad. Sometimes, he's pretty much the way he used to be. And some days he's completely off his rocker." NY State Fair unveils 1,500-calorie ’Donut Burger’ SYRACUSE, N.Y. (AP) — Want fries with that ... doughnut? A food booth in Syracuse will unveil the ‘‘Big Kahuna Donut Burger’’ at this year’s New York State Fair. For between $5 and $6, the adventurous eater will get a quarter-pound burger in between slices of a grilled, glazed doughnut. Toss on some cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomato and onion and you’ve got yourself a 1,500-calorie meal. America’s state fairs can be counted on to pro- vide foods featuring offbeat ingredient combina- tions. Wisconsin has chocolate covered bacon on a stick, you can get fried beer in Texas, Massachu- setts provides fried jelly beans and North Carolina has the ‘‘Koolickle,’’ pickles soaked in Kool-Aid. New York’s fair opens Aug. 25. Lyme disease is the most common tick-borne ill- ness in North America. It is caused by a bacteri- um known as Borrelia burgdorferi. The bacteri- um is spread by deer ticks that feed on the blood of humans, mice, deer, birds, cats and dogs. They are brown and approximately the size of the head of a pin, making them very diffi- cult to spot. In order for a person to develop Lyme dis- ease, he or she must be bitten by an infected deer tick. Before any bacteria can be transmit- ted, however, the tick typically has to be attached for at least 48 hours. Symptoms vary from person to person, with various areas of the body affected. Common signs may include a rash or bull’s-eye ring in one location or over the body, joint pain, headache, body aches, fever and chills. Less common symp- toms are neurological in nature — such as Bell’s palsy, weakness of the limbs, irregular heart- beat, impaired memory, hepatitis and These are typically associated with advanced disease. Some symptoms of Lyme disease (without the telltale bull’s-eye ring or rash) are also found in disorders such as fibromyalgia, depres- sion, joint pain and chronic fatigue. Therefore, if your physician has any ques- tion at all, he or she might choose to order lab testing such as an ELISA (enzyme-linked immunosorbent assay) test, a Western blot to detect antibodies to several pro- teins of B. burgdorferi, or a PCR (poly- merase chain reaction) that detects bacterial DNA through fluid drawn from an infected joint or spinal fluid. The ELISA test is the current stan- dard of care and is ordered first. It can take several week following the initial bite for the body to develop suffi- cient antibodies for the test to be positive. Test- ing too early may pro- duce a negative result when in fact, infection is present. If the ELISA is positive, it is followed up with a Western blot; in patients with “chron- ic” Lyme or Lyme arthritis, the PCR may also be ordered. It is important for both physician and patient to realize that testing may not indicate Lyme disease. And, once an individual has been diagnosed, a portion of the report known as the IgG may remain positive for months or years after the initial infection. This doesn’t require treat- ment, but remains an indication that the patient had Lyme at one stage. Treatment is com- monly initiated with oral antibiotics such as doxy- cycline for adults and children over the age of 8, or amoxicillin or cefuroxime for those younger, pregnant women or women who breast-feed. A two- to four-week course is the norm. However, some research studies now indicate that between 10 and 14 days might be sufficient. With progression of Lyme disease that fails to respond to traditional methods, treatment with intravenous antibiotics may be appropriate and can last anywhere from two to four weeks. This method is extremely effective in eradicating infection; however, it may cause a low white blood cell count, diarrhea, or infection with other antibiotic-resistant organ- isms unrelated to Lyme. The Food and Drug Administration has warned consumers and health care providers to avoid Bismacine. This injectable com- pound contains high lev- els of a metal known as bismuth. It has been pre- scribed by some alterna- tive medicine practition- ers. While safe in some oral medications, in its injectable form it can cause poisoning that can lead to heart and kidney failure and is not approved. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com If readers want to contact Dr. Gott, they may write to him at his website, or send their mail directly to Dr. Gott, c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut, Kansas City, MO 64106. However, if readers want to request a newsletter, they should write to the Connecticut address listed above.