Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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SEPTEMBER 10-16, 2014 UCW 23 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS WHOA IS ME Last year, after I split up with my girlfriend, the law firm I worked for went belly up. I haven't been on a date all year. Friends try to set me up, and I keep giving excuses for why I can't go, but the truth is, I've totally lost my nerve. I'd like to change that. Money isn't the issue. I work here and there and still have severance pay left. But despite interviewing heavily, I have yet to land a full-time gig and feel kind of like a failure, and I don't want to discuss that on dates. — Romantic Stage Fright After a series of big setbacks, it's understandable that you'd feel most comfortable hiding under the bed. You are unlikely to find your lost nerve under there. But, like many people, where you go wrong is in thinking that you need to find your nerve to take action. You don't. You just need to decide that being afraid to do something isn't a good enough reason to avoid doing it. The good news is, you can give yourself a boost pretty easily. A growing body of research finds that "walking the walk" (in your case, just making the body movements of the large and in charge) is actually transformative. For example, social psychologist Dana Carney had both men and women pose for just two minutes like fat-cat executives — feet on desk, hands behind head. These simple acts raised their testosterone (the dominance hormone) and made them more willing to take risks (a sign of confidence), and they reported feeling more, well, Wolf of Wall Street than Chihuahua of Skid Row. And though your inclination is probably to shove all your negative thoughts about your job loss in some mental drawer, research by clinical psychologist James J. Gross finds that this tends to backfire, making you feel worse. Instead, try "cognitive reappraisal" — reframing your job loss so it works better for your mojo. This would just take emphasizing to yourself what you already know — that you're jobless because of others' bad business decisions and a tough economy, not because your lawyering skills rival those of a plastic fern. Obviously, the easiest way for you to feel better is to start working again, which would give you a sense of purpose. The thing is, you don't have to wait for somebody to hire you. Consider donating at least a few hours a week to provide free legal counsel to people in need. Making the world a better place has the side benefit of making it a better place for you to go on dates. Women look for men to show signs of generosity, and pro bono lawyering stories are way better than hoping she notices that you left a 24.6 percent tip. WEEKLY HOROSCOPES ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Aries, reexamine the important relationships in your life. Figure out what you learned from each friendship and acquaintance, and put those lessons to good use. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, with so many tasks to complete, you may be tempted to forget about everything and take a mental health day. But everything will still be there tomorrow. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Gemini, you're brimming with excitement about learning something new this week. You may finally be on the cusp of mastering a particularly challenging skill. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Cancer, it may be challenging to settle your thoughts this week. Work is weighing heavily on your mind, but go easy on yourself and you will still get everything done. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, some people around you may be especially busy this week while you really don't have much to do. Think of it as a good omen of things to come. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Share your feelings for someone else with that person this week, Virgo. You may regret your actions if you don't take that emotional leap. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, while you are usually the one who plays peacemaker, this week you are in a position to cause trouble. Don't worry what others think or say. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Remember that success comes in many shapes and sizes, Scorpio. Don't be so quick to consider something a failure. You may just need a new perspective to realize your success. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Sagittarius, there are many entertainment options this week, so it's difficult to choose how to spend your time. Whatever you choose, it is bound to be a memorable night. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Money matters could be taking up a considerable chunk of your time, Capricorn. Focus your concentration on finances and leave other responsibilities on the side for now. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Aquarius, don't worry if something proves confusing and a challenging nut to crack. Things will sort themselves out in due time, and you will be back on the right track. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 A predicament in your personal life could have you feeling uncomfortable, Pisces. Wait for a clearer picture before taking action. NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD As summed up by a Vox.com writer: "The absurdity runs deep." America uses American military equipment to bomb American military equipment that ISIS captured (from inept Iraqi soldiers, inept in part since America disbanded Iraq's professional military in 2003). America's Kurdish allies, fighting ISIS, use inferior Russian weapons they captured in the 1980s. ISIS has a so-far-safer haven in Syria because America declined to arm moderate Syrian rebels, largely out of fear that radicals like the future ISIS would capture weapons America provided. "So now (America is) bombing the guns that (it) didn't mean to give ISIS because (America) didn't give guns to their enemies because then ISIS might get guns." [Vox.com, 8-8-2014] Compelling Explanations Thomas Clark, 28, of Crawley, England, beat one of society's most foreboding charges in July when he was acquitted of voyeurism even after admitting that he had hidden that video camera in a workplace rest room, and even despite evidence that he formerly worked in the pornography industry. Clark persuaded a Horsham Magistrates Court judge that he suffered an extreme phobia of diarrhea and vomit and that, by hiding the camera, he was thinking only of ascertaining that the rest room was clean before he entered. [Crawley News, 7-25-2014] In America, We're All Great Parents: (1) Kayla McKenzie, 22, was charged with DUI in Bismarck, North Dakota, a condition that led her to crash into five separate vehicles or structures on Aug. 12 — while, according to police, three unsecured children were in her car, including a year-old infant riding in her lap. Nonetheless, said the 0.252 blood- alcohol driver, "I look like a bad mother, but I'm not. I'm actually a really good mom." (2) Rayvon Campos, 22, pleaded guilty in San Antonio in August to first-degree felony assault of his 1-month-old daughter that resulted in brain hemorrhaging. Nonetheless, he reassured the judge, "This is the first time I've ever been in trouble. ... I'm a real good dude." [Bismarck Tribune, 8-13-2014] [San Antonio Express-News, 8-14-2014] Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard ATTENTION! Local Businesses Advertise and Promote Your Business All Year in UP & COMING WEEKLY'S Exclusive "Best of Fayetteville" • Special Edition • September 17, 2014 Advertise, market and promote your business in the most popular and most read edition of the year! Published, Distributed and Online in the Fayetteville, Ft. Bragg and Cumberland County area. Be among the "best of the best" when this popular and valuable edition and reflection of our community hits the streets on Sept. 17th. RESERVE YOUR SPACE TODAY! For more information, rates and deadlines call (910) 484-6200 or visit our website at www.upandcomingweekly.com. Best of Fayetteville 2014 Special Edition