Up & Coming Weekly

OCTOBER 14-20, 2009 UCW 7 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM What makes you happy? Love, money, remembering where you parked your car? Today's lesson will consider the concept of happiness. Does being happy make you happy? Happiness may be overrated. Misery has long been wrongfully disparaged as something to be avoided. Misery may be happiness stuffed in a black box. Let us praise now famous rat killers. History's most famous rat killer was the Pied Piper of Hamelin. According to legend, back in 1284, the quaint little German town of Hamelin was enduring a rat festival like Myrtle Beach endures the motorcycle festivals. Rats to the left of them. Rats to the right of them. Rats behind them. Hamelin had more rats than Washington, D.C., has the rat's fi rst cousin, the lobbyist. The Hamelin town council was pretty stressed out by this turn of events. They did what any governmental body does when faced with a problem. They hired an outside consultant. They put out a request for proposals to rid the town of rats and soon hired a dude named Frankie Gammyfoot to solve their rodent infestation. Mr. Gammyfoot's methods were a bit unorthodox, but desperate times called for desperate methods. He also promised to kickback some of his fee to a couple of the town councilmen who hired him. Herr Gammyfoot showed up for work wearing his fi nest Pied Piper rat-catching duds, which consisted of a funky jester costume. He used his magic pipe to play a tune that lured the rats to a watery grave. Unlike most consultants, he actually did what he promised. He piped the rats right into the Weser River where they, to coin a phrase, drowned like rats. Rats dead, now it was time to pay the piper. Mr. Gammyfoot presented his bill to Hamelin. The town council refused to pay him. They even laughed at him for trusting the government, just like AIG and Bank of America laughed at Congress for giving them billions in bail out money. Mr. G. was highly ticked off at this turn of events and swore a mighty oath of vengeance. As most people know, Mr. Gammyfoot returned to Hamelin later and piped his magic fl ute. One hundred thirty children followed him out of town and were never seen again. The missing kids gave rat catchers and rats a bad name for almost 800 years. Fortunately, a new award-winning rat catcher has recently appeared in Bangladesh to restore the good-name of rat catchers. Consider the inspiring case of Mokhairul Islam, who is a part-time farmer and a full-time rat killer. Like Hamelin, Bangladesh had an ongoing rat festival. Rats were destroying food and spreading rat cooties all over Bangladesh. The Bangladesh government announced a nationwide contest to see who could kill the most rats. Mokhairul won the grand prize as the Number One Rat Killer in all of Bangladesh. He killed 83,450 rats in a nine-month period. Mokey, as his friends call him, used poison at his chicken ranch to kill the rats. As proof of deceased rats, Mokey, like the farmer's wife in the nursery rhyme, cut off their tails with a carving knife. As an intellectual exercise, try to imagine the unimaginable. Try to imagine what 83,000 severed rat tails would like in Mokey's big pile of rodent appendages. Bet you can't do it. Bet you won't even try. Come on, stretch your mind. The government of Bangladesh learned from the troubles of Hamelin. Wishing to keep its children alive, Bangladesh lived up to its promise to reward its most prolifi c rat killer. In recognition for his rat-killing abilities, Mokey was presented a 14-inch color TV at the offi cial government awards ceremony. According to the AP story about Mokey and his dead rats, Mokey's acceptance speech was an instant Zen classic. "I am so happy to get this honor. I had no idea that the government gives prizes for this. This is an exciting moment. I will continue to kill them." If Mokey can be happy with 83,000 tailless dead rats and a 14-inch color TV, the rest of us should be darned happy with what we have. Always remember to pay the piper. Happiness Is a Dead Rat by PITT DICKEY PITT DICKEY, Contributing Writer COMMENTS? 484-6200 ext. 222 or email editor@upandcomingweekly.com. Want to leave an impression with your ad? Up & Coming Weekly is an audited publication with readers who act on what they see. In fact, recent audit reports show that 85.7% of our readers frequently purchase products or services from ads seen in Up & Coming Weekly. Now that's impressive. Deep Deep Impressions Impressions For more information, call 484- 6200.

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