Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/34916
Monday, June 27, 2011 – Daily News 5A FEATURES Protective pop perturbs partner Dear Annie: I have been dating Jeff for three years. He has two teenage kids from a prior marriage. During the first two years, I understood that he did separate activities with his children, but I now feel he should include me in more than the occasional dinner. Jeff claims he wants us to be together forever, but his actions say otherwise. We spend all our time together, except when his kids are involved. Then I am com- pletely excluded. And on occasions when we make plans and the kids want to visit, he will cancel his time with me. He indulges their every whim. Jeff has no problem interacting with my adult children and me on every level, but won’t give me the same respect. I feel like my future is on perpetual hold. Am I wasting my time with false hopes? — Questioning This Relationship Dear Questioning: It’s possible that Jeff’s children are Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar not happy about your relationship and are putting subtle pressure on him to exclude you. It’s also possible that he is uncomfortable behaving as if he has a romantic life when he is with his children. Or, he might be waiting until they are older. Nonetheless, if you have been together for three years and intend to stay that way, it is best for everyone if the children get to know you and acclimate themselves to your presence. It won’t make things easier if Jeff gives the kids the impres- sion that they control his social life. Talk to Jeff. If he is seri- ous that this relationship is for the long haul, it’s time to bring you into the family mix. There will be bumps along the way, but they cannot be smoothed out if you don’t work through them and learn to accept each other. Dear Annie: I read a lot of advice columns, but yours is my favorite because I love the practical advice. I need some help. My dad was adopted at a young age. Without going into too much detail, he blamed his birth fam- ily for all the pain and suffering from the separation and loss he experienced. As a result, he refused to meet his birth mother when she came looking for him in the 1960s. My father is in his mid-70s now and would like to track down his siblings. He has asked for my help, but I don’t know where to start. His original paperwork and the Internet have only gotten us so far. We know his birth mother’s first and last name and the first names of his siblings, but we don’t know how to find out more about them. Is there an agency that can help us? — Baby M’s Daughter Dear Daughter: We recommend the International Soundex Reunion Registry (isrr.net) at 1-888-886-ISRR (1- 888-886-4777). You also can try the Adoption Reunion Reg- istry (registry.adoption.com). Keep in mind that a great deal of your success with a search requires that Dad’s siblings have made themselves available to be found. Otherwise, you may need to hire a professional to help you. Good luck. Dear Annie: I read the letter from ‘‘Sad and Frustrated,’’ whose grandchildren misbehave when the parents pick them up. Bless them for taking five grandchildren at a time for overnights and weekends. We have three grandsons and know what that is like. Instead of letting the parents pick them up, the grandparents should drive them back home. This gives the kids time to transition, which children have trouble with, and then the grandparents can drop them off and leave without having to watch the antics and disruptive behavior. Keep in mind, the parents may feel uncomfortable disciplining their children in the grandparents’ home. We also enjoy having the grandsons over one at a time. That gives each one special attention that is priceless. We hope those grandparents don’t give up. They are making memories for a lifetime. — Grandma, Too Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Post-herpetic neuralgia from shingles DEAR DR. GOTT: I am a 70-year-old woman who developed shingles on my right leg last June and am now left with neuropa- thy. It went from the middle of my leg all the way down to my foot and toes. I was immediately put on an antiviral and a pred- nisone pack, so the doctor was surprised that I developed post-herpetic neuralgia. My leg and foot are completely numb and I cannot bend the right foot upward, so I wear a boot and go from a wheelchair to crutches and then to bed. It is causing excruciating pain. I have seen two neurologists, who both ordered MRIs of my spine, an EMG and nerve conduction tests. Both dismissed me, saying there is nothing more they can do for me. The last neu- rologist suggested I see a pain manage- ment doctor. I saw one two weeks ago Dr. Peter Gott and am getting epidurals in my spine. The first one didn’t help, so I am hoping to get some relief with the second one, because as soon as I can get out of some of this pain, I can try a physical thera- pist to help me walk with this dropped foot. I am currently taking 300 mg Neu- rontin four times a day, 25 mg Elavil twice a day, 40 mg OxyContin twice a day, and 150 mg Oxcarbazepine twice a day. One of these is causing me to have some involuntary movements. Do you have any thoughts on this? I read your column daily and was hoping that you would have some input on my condition. I went from feeling fine to waking up one day and having my whole life turned around. The first neurologist I saw told me that I would never walk again, and the second one pretty much said the same thing because he had never seen a case like mine where the neuralgia is paralyzing the leg and foot. Any help you can give me would be very much appreciated. DEAR READER: The most common symptoms of post-herpetic neuralgia (nerve damage caused by shingles) are pain and sensitivity to any light touch of the affected area. Less commonly, itch- ing and numbness may be present. Rarely, weakness or paralysis of the area may occur. You appear to be one of those rare cases. Treatment typically consists of opi- oid painkillers (narcotics), certain anti- convulsants, tricyclic antidepressants, and lidocaine patches (a topical anes- thetic). You have been prescribed Neu- rontin, an anticonvulsant; Elavil, a tri- cyclic antidepressant; OxyContin, a narcotic; and Oxcarbazepine, another anticonvulsant. Some patients may find relief by using a topical cream that contains cap- saicin. Many readers have also written about the qualities of mentholated chest rubs in relieving numbness, tingling and pain associated with peripheral neu- ropathy, a similar type of nerve damage. You may benefit from seeing a super- specialist at a teaching hospital if you fail to improve under the care of your newest neurologist. You may also prof- it by seeing a pain specialist, who may be able to help you control your pain levels, thus allowing you to begin phys- ical therapy. You must keep in mind that despite appropriate care, the damage may be permanent. Readers who are interested in learning more can order my Health Report “Managing Chronic Pain” by sending a self-addressed, stamped No. 10 envelope and a $2 U.S. check or money order to Dr. Peter Gott, P.O. Box 433, Lakeville, CT 06039. Be sure to mention the title when writing, or print an order form from my website’s direct link: www.AskDrGottMD.com/order_form.p df. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physi- cian and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cook- book,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com. 50th Anniversary Celebrate the Thomas and Margo Frantz North Valley Ear, Nose and Throat Medical Group and Dr. Timothy Frantz invite you to celebrate his parents 50th Wedding Anniversary with 50% OFF MSRP on premium Oticon Hearing Aids for 3 Days only - Monday, June 27th to Wednesday, June 29th. Fifty years of marriage is impossible without good communication skills. Dr. Frantz’s father wears Oticon Agil products. Discover a whole new world of better hearing with Oticon Agil. Agil is like no other hearing device. It’s designed to improve your ability to hear and understand with reduced cognitive effort, even in difficult listening situations. 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