Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/333833
DILBERT ScottAdams PEARLSBEFORESWINE StephanPastis PICKLES BrianCrane BABYBLUES JerryScott&RickKirkman GETFUZZY DarbyConley ZITS JerryScott&JimBorgman SHERMAN'SLAGOON JimToomey ARGYLESWEATER ScottHilburn BIZARRO DanPiraro DEARCAROLYN»Myfi- ance and I are planning a small, affordable wed- ding with our family and friends next year. We are a young couple who decided that homeownership is more important than an extravagant wedding, and we are making sacrifices on the guest list, venue, wedding dress and decorations to make sure that we can afford this wedding and our mort- gage payments. My main problem is my fiance's family. His family comes from Vietnam, and he believes that his family will feel that they will lose face if we do not have a catered seven-course meal with black-tie wait staff, like his siblings had when they got married. We are paying for this wedding ourselves, and I do not want such a huge expense, plus I feel like my own blue-collar fam- ily, and I as well, would be very uncomfortable with something so formal. Whenever I try to explain this to my fiance, he tells me I am being culturally insensitive, and that I can- not understand because I am not Vietnamese. Should I allow us to take on an expensive ex- travagance for the sake of being culturally sensitive? —Wedding DEAR WEDDING » I try not to go too crazy in picking apart word choices, but in this case I think the way you wrote this sentence — "My main problem is my fiance's family" — is a po- tentially marriage-killing mistake. Your "main problem" is not his family. It's that you and your fiance don't agree on how to handle your cultural differences. And that includes the failure of both of you to recognize that the "for the sake of being culturally sensitive" imperative ap- plies to both of you. He is just as obligated to agree to an informal wedding that would make your fam- ily comfortable. Neither of you has any claim to cultural primacy here, and I don't like your chances until you're both ready to see this — or until one of you decides you just don't care enough to hold your ground and defers to the other's way. The latter option is fraught, though, so don't pounce on it just because it's there. Too many people enter that state more with an "I don't want to break up so I'll make this sacrifice" mindset than an "I don't give a (fig) which culture we honor and hey, his rituals are fascinating to me — and even though I think his parents are being irrational and forcing mine to make a sacrifice they themselves refuse to make, my fiance recognizes this and won't allow this to set a precedent, and is pre- pared to make it up to me in other ways, including to stand up to them when the stakes are higher; plus, he and I are solid in words and deeds on respecting each other's needs, plus he defers to me on X, which I value so much more, so bring on the seven-course meal." Figure out your priori- ties, then hold whatever ground you must. Wedding causes culture clash for couple and their families Carolyn Hax Ask Carolyn Email Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/ carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com. Sudoku Instructions:Theobjectistoplacethe numbers1to9intheemptysquaresso thateachrow,eachcolumnandeach 3x3boxcontainsthenumberonlyonce. AnswertoPreviousPuzzle CelebrityCipher ByLuisCampos Instructions:CelebrityCiphercryptogramsarecreatedfromquotationsbyfamouspeople, pastandpresent.Eachletterinthecipherstandsforanother. NEACrossword Cancer(June21-July22)— A misunderstanding will occur if you fail to choose your words carefully. Be mindful of the feel- ings of others, and treat each situation with common sense. Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) — You will make a favorable im- pression. Accept invitations that will introduce you to interesting individuals, and you will share ideas and plans for the future. Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) — Whether you loan or borrow money today, you will come out the loser. Offer suggestions, but don't pay for someone else's mistake. Protect your interests. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) — Don't take a passive role in your relationships with others. There is no need to be timid. Stand up for your rights. Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22) — Don't sell yourself short. Your talents will be wasted if you keep them a secret. Put your best foot forward, summon your self-confidence and share your ideas. Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 21) — Your enthusiasm and friendliness will bring joy to those around you. Getting out and about will allow you to share positive thoughts and join forces with other good Samaritans. Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) — You will get ahead if you rely on your abilities, knowledge and overall determination. Don't let anyone slow you down. Be a leader, not a follower. Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 19) — Step out of your comfort zone and try an unfamiliar activity. Close friends and a sense of adventure will put a smile on your face and brighten your day. Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20) — Re-evaluate your financial situation. Increase your under- standing of money matters. Be on the alert for a chance to capitalize on savings, incentives and lower interest rates. Aries (March 21-April 19) — A negative, defeatist attitude is counterproductive. Believe in your abilities. Keeping a positive outlook will allow you to focus your energy and conquer any competition or challenge you face. Taurus (April 20-May 20) — It's apparent that information is being withheld. Act quickly, do a little fact-finding and ask pertinent questions, and you will be able to obtain the data you are looking for. Gemini (May 21-June 20) — You will meet someone who will make a notable difference in your life. A meaningful issue will send you in a positive new direction. Horoscope By Bernice Bede Osol SATURDAY, JUNE 21 SATURDAY, JUNE 21, 2014 REDBLUFFDAILYNEWS.COM |YOURDAILYBREAK | 5 B