Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/314829
DILBERT ScottAdams PEARLSBEFORESWINE StephanPastis PICKLES BrianCrane BABYBLUES JerryScott&RickKirkman GETFUZZY DarbyConley ZITS JerryScott&JimBorgman SHERMAN'SLAGOON JimToomey ARGYLESWEATER ScottHilburn BIZARRO DanPiraro DEARCAROLYN»My boyfriend of 10 months has trust issues. His previ- ous girlfriend hooked up multiple times with her ex, so I understand why he has issues trusting women. I have taken it upon myself to never do anything untrustworthy, since one small mis- take could tarnish his opinion of me for good. The prob- lem is, he already uses an accusa- tory tone with me all the time. I blow it off and am reas- suring. This weekend he found out his parents are separating. They confided that they had both been unfaithful. So now he has an even worse opinion of relationships. I have done nothing to lose his trust, but the things he says make it quite clear he doesn't trust any woman. Is there anything I can do to con- vince him to trust me? The reassurance is starting to sound repetitive. —WithoutTrust... DEAR WITHOUT TRUST » Do you see the unjustified logical leap here? This one ex cheated, so of course! All women cheat! That is such unadulter- ated bull. It's emotionally lazy, and bigoted, and, in a perverse way, self-aggran- dizing: He of course isn't an infidelity risk — it's everyone else. You'll need to wake up and break up, but you're not there yet emotionally, since you still think it's your responsibility to fix his inability/unwillingness to trust. You have figured out that reassuring him is a waste of breath. You also get that the act of being trustworthy is not enough for him, also good (though being trustworthy just to persuade someone of your worth is highly suspect). Recognize the prob- lem doesn't lie in you and therefore the solution doesn't lie in you either. And, the next step, seeing the ex isn't the problem, either. Yes, what she did was awful and entirely her fault, but your boyfriend is the one who chose to extrapolate one experi- ence into a view of half the human population. (Well, two experiences; no doubt he picked up more of his family's instability than he realized.) And, he's the one who chooses to date someone even knowing he is unwilling or unable to trust. That's just not fair. He's fresh off some rough experiences, so maybe he just needs some time to find daylight again without dragging a girlfriend through the darkness with him. That's the best case. Worst case, he's not seeking daylight at all, but instead looking to punish everyone else for the pain he feels. Either way, I hope you soon recognize that he needs to be single until he's able to (1) accept individuals for who they are — the accumulation of their own actions, and no one else's — and (2) see humans for who they are — flawed (oh so very!) and capable, all of us, of hurting others, but also resilient, and therefore capable of getting back up and finding joy again after getting hurt. Boyfriend's trust issues are ruining this relationship Carolyn Hax Ask Carolyn Email Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/ carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com. Sudoku Instructions:Theobjectistoplacethe numbers1to9intheemptysquaresso thateachrow,eachcolumnandeach 3x3boxcontainsthenumberonlyonce. AnswertoPreviousPuzzle CelebrityCipher ByLuisCampos Instructions:CelebrityCiphercryptogramsarecreatedfromquotationsbyfamouspeople, pastandpresent.Eachletterinthecipherstandsforanother. NEACrossword Taurus(April20-May20) — Don't let personal problems override your professional re- sponsibilities. You have to carry your share of the work. Gemini (May 21-June 20) — You will face financial woes if you take a risk. Don't be shy about your desire to advance professionally. Improve your job prospects by networking. Cancer (June 21-July 22) — There may be a lot of items on your most-wanted list, but you must be sensible. You can avoid a major argument with a loved one by curbing your spending. Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) — If your current relationship is unsatisfying, you should make a clean break and move on. It's not fair to either party if there is no commitment on your part. Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) — Try your best to get along with your co-workers. You may be dismayed to learn that someone you like doesn't feel the same way. Don't take it to heart. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) — Don't spend money on others just to win approval. Focus on self-improvement projects that boost your esteem, and the people you are trying to impress will respond to your relaxed and self-confident attitude. Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22) — Anger is self-destructive, so use up negative energy by doing some work around the house. The busier you are, the less likely you are to squabble. Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 21) — Look before you leap into a new job or partnership. You may have been sold something that doesn't really exist. Don't burn bridges, and don't be gull- ible. Ask questions and clarify issues of concern. Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) — You are caring and helpful, but please resist the urge to do too much for others. They will come to expect it, and you will burn yourself out. Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 19) — Give your friends and family some breathing room. Make a point of getting out and meeting new people. Exploring new interests will bring good results. Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20) — If you do your job to the best of your ability, you will be able to dispel any negative rumors in the workplace. It's possible that someone may be talking behind your back. Aries (March 21-April 19) — In your race to beat the opposition, you may be letting your personal responsi- bilities slide. Before you start on a new challenge, take care of what's expected of you at home. Horoscope By Bernice Bede Osol TUESDAY, MAY 20 TUESDAY,MAY20,2014 REDBLUFFDAILYNEWS.COM |YOURDAILYBREAK | 3 B