Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/313248
DILBERT ScottAdams PEARLSBEFORESWINE StephanPastis PICKLES BrianCrane BABYBLUES JerryScott&RickKirkman GETFUZZY DarbyConley ZITS JerryScott&JimBorgman SHERMAN'SLAGOON JimToomey ARGYLESWEATER ScottHilburn BIZARRO DanPiraro DEARCAROLYN»Ihave no bond with my mother, and never have, includ- ing as an infant. She is self-centered, probably has Narcissistic Personal- ity Disorder, and makes herself look good by spin- ning partial truths to make other people look bad. Her usual target over the years has been me. I belong to an orga- nization that holds an event over Fourth of July weekend in a different city every year. This is the first year I'm able to go because it's in my area of the country. I've had these plans for a year, and have been getting more and more excited to combine my first vacation ever with this event. My brother emailed to inform me that my mother's 70th birthday celebration was all figured out — July 5 for 25 people at $40 per person — and that because he under- stands my financial dif- ficulties, he and our other brother were prepared to cover the cost. I'm insulted that I wasn't consulted regarding an event they're suggest- ing I might "co-host," but I'm trying to let that go. My real issue: Am I now obligated to cancel my only vacation, ever, to attend? If I go, I will be resentful. If I don't go, it is fodder for family gossip about what a terrible daughter I am. It looks to me like a lose-lose situation. —M. DEAR M. » People accus- tomed to being treated with respect would re- spond immediately to that email with: "Geez — wish you'd run the date by me first! I'll be on a vaca- tion that weekend that I planned a year ago. If you change the date, I'm in." The only "lose" in that scenario would be the disappointment of having to miss a celebration you care about. I suggest you respond to your brother with those words anyway, as if you are a valued equal in a healthy family. Why? Be- cause your mother's prob- lems confer no obligation on you to make them your problems, too. You get to live as any other indepen- dent adult does. If that whips Mama into a frenzy, then figure out the radius of her frenzy's reach and step outside it. You may still see this as a notch in the loss column. As long as you're prepared to withstand the fallout, though, I actually see it as a win, because it says to your mother and anyone who's still in her sway, "Breaking news: I'm beyond the reach of your powers." That fallout won't be fun; on the contrary. The first time a controlling person notices that she's losing control, the punish- ment is usually swift and merciless. It only works, though, if you keep caring what she says about you. I know, I know — it's very hard work to get there. But you know she's bad egg. It's within your power to upgrade that from intellectual aware- ness to core, life-guiding conviction. Daughter'svacationconflicts with mother's birthday bash Carolyn Hax Ask Carolyn Email Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/ carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com. Sudoku Instructions:Theobjectistoplacethe numbers1to9intheemptysquaresso thateachrow,eachcolumnandeach 3x3boxcontainsthenumberonlyonce. AnswertoPreviousPuzzle CelebrityCipher ByLuisCampos Instructions:CelebrityCiphercryptogramsarecreatedfromquotationsbyfamouspeople, pastandpresent.Eachletterinthecipherstandsforanother. NEACrossword Aries(March21-April19) — Use your energy wisely. An intense romantic encounter will boost your confidence. Follow a hunch, and you'll find success. Improve your profile. Taurus (April 20-May 20) — Don't be caught short by an un- expected bill. Frivolous spending will cause added worry and stress. Keep your money safe. Gemini (May 21-June 20) — You may find that you are on a different wavelength from your colleagues. Re-establish your position by sharing ideas and being open to suggestions. Cancer (June 21-July 22) — You will discover a job oppor- tunity today. More money will come your way if you are open to new horizons and a chance to expand your skills. Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) — Don't let your flair for drama go to waste. Channel your energy in an artistic direction. The dif- ferent facets of your personality will make you a convincing actor and an entertaining friend. Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) — Romance is in the air. New experiences will open your eyes to exciting possibilities. Your current relationship may be losing its spark. Do what's necessary to mend differences or move on. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) — A humanitarian cause will attract you. Your diplomacy will be useful with regards to a friend's dilemma. Your ability to be objective will help you find amiable solutions. Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22) — A social or sporting event will put you in the limelight. You are a strong competitor, and you'll wear out the opposition with your determination and stamina. Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 21) — If you're not ready to face up to unpleasantness, remove yourself from the situation. You can't hide forever, but you can buy a little time and allow the situation to cool down. Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) — Turn a profit by making a pru- dent financial choice. Keep an eye out for promising opportuni- ties. Familiarize yourself with various investment policies. Enjoy the company of someone. Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 19) — If you're feeling stifled intel- lectually, do something about it. Turn your focus to outside activities that will introduce you to refreshing new ideas and stimulating people. Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20) — Don't choose to leave your job without having another one lined up. Difficulties with your employer will arise if you overstep boundaries. Do your job quietly and competently. Horoscope By Bernice Bede Osol FRIDAY, MAY 16 FRIDAY,MAY16,2014 REDBLUFFDAILYNEWS.COM |YOURDAILYBREAK | 5 B