Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/311292
DILBERT ScottAdams PEARLSBEFORESWINE StephanPastis PICKLES BrianCrane BABYBLUES JerryScott&RickKirkman GETFUZZY DarbyConley ZITS JerryScott&JimBorgman SHERMAN'SLAGOON JimToomey ARGYLESWEATER ScottHilburn BIZARRO DanPiraro DEARCAROLYN»My 30-year-old sister-in-law has long wanted to marry her boyfriend of 12 years. They live together, she supports him financially, but he seems lazy or unin- terested in marrying her. I think she deserves better, but I'm sure the idea of breaking up with him is terrifying to her. Neither my husband nor I have really ex- pressed these concerns to her — should we, or should we just trust that she will do what's best for her? —Concerned DEAR CONCERNED » Is she happy? Stranger pairings have happened. Expressing concerns and trusting her are not mutually exclusive. Turn it around on yourself for a moment: You know you've got most things covered, right? But don't you oc- casionally appreciate when someone you respect, and who respects you, offers some useful perspective? We rant plenty about the nuisance of judg- mental bystanders and unsolicited advisers, and it's often warranted — when your parents keep telling you how to raise their grandkids without acknowledging that times have changed or that you do a few things right, or when strangers weigh in without a scrap of context on your situation, or when people assume that what worked for them applies to everyone. But when the founda- tion of trust and respect is there, and you think the value of your view outweighs the risk it'll be poorly received, it's impor- tant to speak up. Concentrate on what you do know instead of undermining yourself with what you don't know. In this case, you don't know "the idea of breaking up ... is terrifying to her." That's just you talking. Instead, her concerned sibling can say, "I'm worried about you. I've noticed X and Y in the past few years, when your norm has always been Z." DEAR CAROLYN » The issue is that he doesn't treat her well enough: He does not seem to enjoy spend- ing time with her family (which is important to her); he has no plans to get a job and instead continues to play poker profession- ally but unsuccessfully (he's apparently in debt); and he has suggested that he might like to move — despite the fact that my sister-in-law would leave behind a fantastic job. Is there a good way to frame these things that avoids indicting the boyfriend? — Concerned Again DEAR CONCERNED » I don't think there's a good way to frame things that doesn't indict the sister, for failing to take care of herself. In those cases, you are stuck, since the problem is likely bigger than her romantic deadweight. Still, someone close to her can declare: "I will love you and back you always, but man will I celebrate when you get your head out of your (seat cushion)." Again, a judgment call on what the sibling bond can withstand. Future looks uncertain for woman with lazy boyfriend Carolyn Hax Ask Carolyn Email Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/ carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com. Sudoku Instructions:Theobjectistoplacethe numbers1to9intheemptysquaresso thateachrow,eachcolumnandeach 3x3boxcontainsthenumberonlyonce. AnswertoPreviousPuzzle CelebrityCipher ByLuisCampos Instructions:CelebrityCiphercryptogramsarecreatedfromquotationsbyfamouspeople, pastandpresent.Eachletterinthecipherstandsforanother. NEACrossword Aries(March21-April19) — You may be on the receiving end of criticism from a part- ner, friend or peer. Show some restraint, and avoid getting into a pointless tug-of-war. Taurus (April 20-May 20) — Your many talents will be on display today. While some may appreciate your creativity, oth- ers may be jealous of it. Gemini (May 21-June 20) — It's time to turn up the heat when it comes to love and romance. Set aside some time for intimacy. Plan a special get- away, even if it's close to home. Cancer (June 21-July 22) — Unexpected visitors may cause friction on the home front. Try to be as accommodating as possible, but don't let anyone take advantage of you. Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) — There are some negative rumors circulating. Don't get drawn into gossip, or you will look bad in front of your peers. Concentrate on your own actions. Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) — Do whatever it takes to enhance your career. Showcase your experience and skills to pro- spective employers. Your strong work ethic and dependability will increase your potential. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) — Nothing can hold you back once you get some momentum going. Others are beginning to show increased interest in your abilities. Overcoming obstacles will become easier as you move forward. Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22) — Don't repeat what you hear. Reserve your judgment until you have uncovered the truth for yourself. You can't form your opinions based on unreliable information or assumptions. Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 21) — Many people are on your side and are willing to help you, but you must do the work yourself if you want to feel the satisfaction of finishing what you start. Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) — Ignore those who aren't directly involved in a certain situation. Keep facts to your- self, face the issues and resolve them to the best of your ability. Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 19) — Listening and observing attentively will provide you with excellent information. Don't air grievances to anyone with the ability to alter your goals. Figur- ing things out on your own will show leadership ability. Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20) — Don't offer a donation to anyone trying to guilt you into making a contribution. Choose your battles and your charities based on what you know to be worthwhile. Horoscope By Bernice Bede Osol TUESDAY, MAY 13 | YOURDAILYBREAK | REDBLUFFDAILYNEWS.COM TUESDAY, MAY 13, 2014 4 B