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Wednesday, April 27, 2011 – Daily News – 3B FEATURES Fastidious friends foil friendship Dear Annie: I have known ‘‘Cathy’’ since grade school. We are now in our 50s. In the past several years, we have become close again. Last sum- mer, I set up a lun- cheon with ‘‘Lois,’’ a mutual friend of ours. Cathy also brought two of her own friends. The women seemed nice, and we got together a few times for dinner and we also took a few trips as a group, but I always felt like a third wheel. I haven’t heard from Cathy much lately, so I finally asked her if some- thing was wrong. Evident- ly, her friends aren’t crazy about me. Lois informed me that I had done some things that made them angry. One was that I left the beach early so I could get ready for dinner, and the other was that I didn’t participate in a discussion. (As I get older, I like to lis- ten more and talk less and never thought it would offend anyone.) I barely remember these things, but I apologized to both ladies for not being more in tune with their feelings. My husband and other friends were astonished that grown women would be so angry over something so trivial. I have a lot of friends and have never had this problem before. I haven’t been on a trip with these girls in months and am not sure I want to. Meanwhile, Lois and Cathy have become very close. I still talk to Cathy, but she seems distant. I am sick over this. Can you help? — Sick in Scranton Dear Scran- Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar ton: Please try to understand that this is not a reflec- tion on your ability to be a friend. It is simply that you do not fit into this par- ticular group of women. It could be that Cathy’s friends are jealous of your longer relationship and are trying to marginal- ize you. Or it simply could be that you have different tastes and emotional needs. The best way to retain your friendship with Cathy is to remove yourself from this group. See her on your own. You’ll enjoy it more. Dear Annie: Over the past few years, my hus- band has developed an odd habit. If asked a simple question, such as, ‘‘Would you like another cup of coffee?’’ he will reply, ‘‘If you are so inclined.’’ I find this rather peculiar, not to mention condescending. The real problem is his need to blame others for his behavior. Last Satur- day, he wasn’t able to mow the lawn. No big deal. Rather than say he couldn’t get to it, he rambled on about how our son usually does it, the sun was too bright, etc. Our children are now beginning to notice. My husband insists this is how normal people act. Our teenage daughter commented that ‘‘normal people’’ don’t make excus- es, and they take responsi- bility for their actions. How can I get him to see the poor example he is set- ting for our kids? — Fran in Fresno Dear Fran: Your hus- band seems to be indulging in a little self-aggrandize- ment meant to make him- self look good at the expense of others. We don’t know who he is try- ing to impress, but it obvi- ously isn’t working. Per- haps if you call it to his attention, he will see that he would gain far more respect if he held himself accountable. Dear Annie: I read the letter from ‘‘Sober in San Diego,’’ whose husband rants and says hurtful things when drunk and then denies it when he’s sober. I’m surprised you didn’t suggest that she get a voice-activated recorder and play his words back when he is sober. A friend of mine did this years ago, and it worked. If her hus- band drinks, at least he shuts up. — Always Sober Dear Always: Readers have suggested such recordings in the past, and we think they are a great idea. Several also recom- mended video for a little extra punch. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e- mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.ne t, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Reader has questions about prostate procedure DEAR DR. GOTT: My father is 93 years old. Owing to an enlarged prostate, he is not able to completely empty his bladder. He is feeling no pain and mini- mal discomfort from this condi- tion. In fact, he feels it is more of a nuisance having to urinate fre- quently. His urologist recommends GreenLight laser surgery to relieve the problem. He has been told that this condition, if left untreated, could lead to kidney problems and/or a blood infection. He is fearful that the surgery could lead to inconti- nence. This thought distresses him greatly. What is your opinion of this option for treating his problem? Are there other options he could consider? DEAR READER: GreenLight vapor- ization of the prostate is a new, mini- mally invasive procedure used for treat- ment of benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH), the most common cause of an enlarged prostate. A laser-light source and fiber-optic delivery system vapor- izes and removes enlarged tissue in the prostate, resulting in immediate relief of symptoms. Urinary flow will improve, and a person will be able to empty the bladder with ease. This is a vast improvement over the “gold standard” trans-urethral resection procedure (TURP) with fewer side effects and faster recovery. Total recovery should take a few weeks following surgery. With GreenLight, a patient will arrive at a hospital, have the procedure, which takes less than an hour, and be dis- charged the same day. It is rather com- mon to return home without catheter insertion. In instances when a catheter is inserted, it is removed within 24 hours. As General Electric once used in their advertising, “Progress is our most important product.” This certainly appears to be the case with GreenLight. Research is a phenomenal thing. If a procedure can be done in less time, with less bleeding, less trauma for the patient and faster recovery, I’m all for it. And, at 93, I am sure that your father would agree. DEAR DR. GOTT: I am a 74-year- Every May since 1963, people in towns and cities across the country have come together to celebrate the enormous contribu- tions of older Americans borne of wisdom, experience, and the will to realize their dreams and speak their minds. Older Americans Month is our chance to show our appreciation and support for our seniors as they continue to enrich and strengthen our communities. Tehama County Commission on Aging is joining the celebration of older adults this month. The theme of this year’s cele- bration “Older Americans: Con- necting the Community” pays homage to the many ways in which older adults bring inspira- tion and continuity to the fabric of our communities. Our seniors are mentoring the leaders of tomorrow. Older Americans step up to help one another as well. Across the country, seniors con- nect with other seniors by deliv- ering meals, helping with home repair,assisting with shopping, and offering companionship, counseling, and care. Their efforts remind us that when older adults are active and engaged in their communities, everyone ben- efits. Join your neighbors not only to recognize what older citizens bring to our communities, but Dr. Peter Gott old female retired radiologic technologist due for my annual screening mammogram in another month. My only signif- icant breast history is the pres- ence of a tiny cyst diagnosed on one side two years ago. Last year, my screening mammo- gram was normal. Which is better/more accu- rate for me to have — the digi- tal mammogram or the long- used film-screen mammogram, and why? An assumption is made here that either study is performed and inter- preted in the most skilled manner utiliz- ing top-of-the-line equipment. DEAR READER: Both methods use X-rays to produce images of the breast. With conventional mammography, information is stored on film that resem- bles a photograph negative. In the case of digital mammography, information is stored as a computer file. Now, the dif- ference. While numerous “films” may be taken, they cannot be modified. With digitals, that information can be magni- fied, enhanced or manipulated for evalu- ation more easily than the information on a film. Through computers, digital images can assist surgeons and radiolo- gists who may be in different locations; fewer follow-up procedures may be nec- essary for confirmation of suspicious lesions; and there is less radiation expo- sure. The FDA approved digital mammog- raphy in 2000. A large clinical trial com- paring digital to film mammography was published and failed to reveal dif- ferences in the detection of breast cancer in the women who participated. One interesting conclusion was that digital mammography was more accurate for pre- and peri-menopausal women and for women with dense breasts. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com. Older Americans Month is a time to honor our seniors also to help them continue play- ing a vital role in weaving a unique and lasting community fabric. Contact our local Retired Senior Volunteer Program (529- 5284), Passages Area Agency on Aging (800-822-0109) or St. Elizabeth Auxiliary (5239-8001) to find out about some of our vol- unteer opportunities with pro- grams that provide services for seniors to improve health literacy, increase access to quality health services, deliver food and nutri- tion services, provide financial and housing counseling, and more. We think you will discover that when you help seniors thrive in your community, you gain far more than you give. Also feel free to attend Tehama County Commission on Aging Meetings (527-5290) on the second Monday, at 2 pm, every other month. 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