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Wednesday, March 23, 2011 – Daily News – 5A FEATURES Reader regrets relentlessly reticent romance Dear Annie: I am 47 years old and am living with so many regrets. I married my husband because I did not think any- one else would ask me. I have never been in love with him. Fast-forward 25 years. Our children are off on their own. I have been in counseling, and my thera- pist suggested I bring my husband in with me. He has refused, saying there is nothing wrong with our relation- ship. We are intimate several times a week, and I do everything around the house. That is all he requires of a relationship. But honestly, if he did come to counseling, how could I tell him that I am not attracted to him, that I never am aroused by him, that I love him like a brother? I am ready to ask for a divorce so I can try to find a passionate man to fall in love with. I want to feel needed and desirable. Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar than you believe and be sorry you left. If you are looking for a man to fulfill your fantasies, the odds are against you. You need to ask yourself that Ann Landers question: ‘‘Are you better off with or without him?’’ And only you can supply the answer. Is this a lost cause at this late stage of my life? Is it better to strike out searching for love that I may never find? Or do I stay in this safe, amicable, boring marriage? — Jen- nifer Dear Jennifer: It is possible to find someone more exciting, but that tends to be temporary. It’s also possible to find passionate love, and that might free up your husband to find someone who truly loves him, as well. Or you could discover that this marriage is more worthwhile Dear Annie: My hus- band and I discussed giving his five grown children annual cash gifts now instead of having them wait for an inheritance. The problem is, one of my stepsons, ‘‘Clark,’’ is 33 and has no interest in becoming employed. My husband has offered many times to pay for additional education, but he doesn’t want it. Clark lives with his mother and stepfather. He is a kind and thought- ful man who does not drink or use drugs. But his life seems to revolve around the Internet and TV. The cash gift we are considering is not that much, but it would enable Clark to continue living comfort- ably under his current circum- stances. I worry it means he will never learn to provide for himself. I am concerned for his financial future. I looked into setting up an IRA for him, but he has to have earned some income to qualify. My husband wants to treat all his children equally. How would you handle this situation? — Worried Stepmom Dear Stepmom: Treating all the children equally means just that — if your husband chooses to give annual cash gifts to one, he must do it for all. And unless Clark’s mother kicks him out, the extra income is unlikely to make a big difference. You can advise Clark to save the money for his upcoming ‘‘rainy days,’’ but he is a grown man, and his financial future is not your responsibility. Dear Annie: I enjoy your col- umn over my morning coffee, but this is the first time I have felt com- pelled to write. I loved the letter from ‘‘Smelling Better,’’ who started taking zinc supplements for body odor and was helped tremendously. I, too, had the same great results for another con- dition. After my divorce, I developed a horrendous case of scalp psoriasis. Visit after costly visit to the derma- tologist only resulted in using the same cream over and over, and the psoriasis kept getting worse. I then heard about a zinc shampoo and conditioner and ordered it out of desperation. After three shampoos, the psoriasis was gone. Thanks for letting us help each other. — Itch Free Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Seasonal safety tips for drivers and vehicles As many regions across Northern and Central Cal- ifornia are bracing for pos- sible snow, rain, and cold temperatures over the next few days, AAA Northern California urges motorists to get their vehicles ready and to refresh their winter driving skills. “Although summer auto crashes are more often fatal, fall and winter have the highest number of weather-related crashes, deaths and injuries,” reports Matt Skryja, AAA Northern California spokesperson. “The com- bination of poorly main- tained vehicles and driver error, along with loss of visibility and slick roads, causes thousands of pre- ventable crashes each year.” Car care Preparing your vehicle is the first step in improv- ing your chances of safe winter driving. There are many ways to winterize your car. • Check the systems. Make sure your brakes, defroster, heater, exhaust system, and lights work properly. Change the blades in your wipers and check the level and condi- tion of the antifreeze. • Inspect the tires. Good tread allows the water to escape from under the tires and increas- es traction. Keep tires at proper pressure. Low pres- sure allows the tread to squeeze together and reduces traction. Too-high pressure prevents the tread from contacting the road thoroughly. • Keep a full gas tank. In winter it may become necessary to change routes, idle for long peri- ods of time, travel slowly, or turn around in a storm. A full gas tank allows you to do these maneuvers without worrying about running out of fuel. • Keep the windshield and windows clear. Have a snow brush and ice scraper in the vehicle. Clean off the roof of the vehicle and the windows. Use the car’s defroster or a clean cloth to “defog” the inside of the windows. • Carry an emergency kit and your AAA card. Items to include in the kit are a flashlight, first-aid kit, flares or emergency triangles, window washer fluid, tool kit, blanket or sleeping bag, gloves, paper towels, drinking water, and extra food. Also include abrasive material such as sand, salt or non- clumping cat litter, and a small shovel to free the vehicle if it becomes stuck. • Include chains. Remember, chains must be installed on the “drive” wheels of the vehicle. • Carry an extra car key. Many motorists lock themselves out of their vehicles when installing chains or attending to weather-related problems. Driving Tips It’s not enough to pre- pare your vehicle for win- ter. Brush up on these tips for adapting your driving techniques for winter weather conditions. • Adjust your speed for the weather. SLOW DOWN. Keep in mind that CHICO — Passages continues its series on Estate and Long-Term Care Planning with its second of four free workshops titled “Where Should Mom and Dad Live? Housing Options for the Elderly” 10 a.m. to noon, April 19 at CARD, 545 Vallombrosa Ave. Reserva- tions are required by calling 898-5923 by April 18. Speakers representing real estate and finance, assisted living facilities and Chico’s Housing & Neighborhood Ser- vices Department will explain options. Alan Wylie Inspector 4950 Mountain Lakes Blvd #B Redding, CA 96003 Mobile: 530/638-1015 TERMITE INSPECTION FREE & SERVICE* or UP TO 15% OFF TERMITE TREATMENT PEST EVALUATION FREE & SAVE 10% OFF PEST CONTROL SERVICE* COMPLETE AUTO REPAIR All makes and models. We perform dealer recommened 30K, 60K, 90K SERVICES AT LOWER PRICES Smog Check starting at $ (most cars and pick-ups) 2595 + cert. Pass or FREE retest 527-9841 • 195 S. Main St. your vehicle needs at least three times more distance to stop on slick roads. • Increase your follow- ing distance. To safely stop, a vehicle needs a minimum of four to eight seconds between it and the vehicle in front. • Be alert. Learn to “read” road conditions to anticipate a hazard in time to react safely. Bridges, overpasses, and shaded spots are a special danger because ice often forms first in these areas. • Steer clear of colli- sions. Learn to take eva- sive action by steering around a situation to avoid collisions. Steering is pre- ferred to braking at speeds above 25 mph because less distance is required to steer around an object than to brake to a stop. In win- ter weather, sudden brak- ing often leads to skids. • Recognize hydroplan- ing hazards. Even a small amount of water on the road can cause a vehicle to hydroplane. One-twelfth of an inch of water between your tires and the road means each tire has to displace one gallon of water a second. To reduce the chances of hydroplan- ing slow down, avoid hard braking or sharp turns, drive in the tracks of the vehicle ahead of you, and increase your following distance. • React to trouble quickly. If you are in trou- ble, pull completely off to the side of the road, turn on the hazard lights, light flares or place emergency triangles, signal for help, and stay in the vehicle ‘Housing options as we age’ workshop Future workshops will be held: • May 17, 10 a.m.-1 p.m., Long Term Care Insurance: Is it Right for You? Location: CARD • June 7: 10 a.m.-noon, Veterans Aid & Attendance Benefit: What is it and how do I qualify? Location: CSUC Stu- dent Services Center, First and Ivy streets, Room 304 For information about how to pay for long-term care, call the Health Insurance Counseling & Advocacy Program (HICAP) of Passages, at 898-6716. A Clean, Reliable, Trustworthy, Chimney Company... Possible? ”Their tarps are always clean and my home is always clean afterward. What I like best is their reliability and quality.” “I can trust them!” Dr. Evan Reasor Flue Season 527 3331 THE Chimney Professionals with your seatbelt on. Call for help on a cell phone. Remember to keep your AAA card handy for these types of emergencies. • Know how to drive in the fog. Visibility in fog can deteriorate in a moment. The rapid loss of visibility creates serious driving hazards. The fol- lowing are specific driving tips for fog. - Drive with lights on low beam. - Reduce speed. - Listen for traffic you cannot see. Open windows if necessary. - Use wipers and defroster for maximum visibility. - Be patient! Don’t switch lanes unnecessari- ly. - Unless absolutely nec- essary, don’t stop on any freeway or other heavily traveled road. - If possible, postpone your trip until the fog has lifted. AAA Northern Califor- nia offers a wide array of automotive, travel, insur- ance, DMV, financial ser- vices and consumer dis- counts to nearly 4 million members. AAA has been a leader and advocate for the safety and security of all travelers since it was founded more than 100 years ago. Venous lakes aren’t for swimming DEAR DR. GOTT: For the past seven or eight years, I have what has been identified as a venous lake. When it first appeared, I went to my dermatolo- gist, and he cut it to let it bleed out. After that, my lip was swollen and uncom- fortable for several weeks, but it seemed to disappear. Within six months, it was back again. I then went to a skin specialist. A few years later, he explained that tiny blood vessels slowly leaked blood into my lip. He recommended my lip be lasered, which he did three times in a row. This procedure did seem like a miracle, but again, within a short peri- od of time, my lip pooled with blood. At that time, he told me that if the laser treatment didn’t work and it came back, my lip could not be lasered again. Well, it came back even larger than before. I no longer can conceal my lower lip with lipstick, and at this point I don’t know what to do. Do you have any recommendations? DEAR READER: Venous lakes are rather common lesions caused by dilation of small blood vessels that present on the ears and lip, occurring in adults older than 50 who have had long-term exposure to the sun. Men are more prone to them than are women. They are dark blue to purple, soft, smooth and have well-defined edges. Compression of the lesion will often empty the blood contained with- in. To some degree, they can be compared to a varicose vein, a condition that seems easier to understand. Diagnosis can often be made by visual examina- tion, but surgical biopsy may be performed as well to differentiate between a benign lesion and a cancerous one. If treatment is accom- plished, it is either for cosmetic reasons or because of recurrent bleeding. Medication cannot remove the lesions. Surgical procedures include excision, electro- surgery, sclerotherapy and cryosurgery. Laser lights such as a flashlamp pulsed-dye process have been used with success. This treatment may require several proce- Dr. Peter Gott dures before removal is suc- cessful. Another procedure utilizes a cool gel that protects the epi- dermis. Reports are few, but this approach is simi- lar to light lasers yet doesn’t require anesthe- sia and there is no crusting or bleeding under the skin; nor is there scarring. If your lesion bleeds frequently or is bother- some because of its size, you may wish to proceed with further corrective attempts. If there is a cos- metic issue, you may wish to experiment with a foundation concealing product that can be cov- ered with lipstick. Complaints from patients who have had undergone surgical exci- sion include a post-surgi- cal lumpy area, discol- oration of the surround- ing tissue and a wish they never had the procedure done in the first place. Others, however, have experienced good results. I guess the bottom line here is, if you are going to have anything done, choose a person you have confidence in, whom you know will do the best job possible. I’m not sure what the proper proce- dure for you really is. If you are dissatisfied with your past experiences, seek the services of yet another professional. Present your case, and express your dissatisfac- tion and the previous lack of progress. Perhaps a plastic surgeon is the answer. Readers who would like related information can order my Health Report “Medical Special- ists” by sending a self- addressed stamped No. 10 envelope and a $2 check or money order made payable to Newsletter and mailed to Newsletter, P.O. Box 167, Wickliffe, OH 44092-0167. Be sure to mention the title or print an order form off my website’s direct link at www.AskDrGottMD.co m/order_form.pdf. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com