Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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MARCH 12-18, 2014 UCW 19 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Fool Disclosure On a business trip, I drank way too much with some work friends and ended up kissing a random girl I met at a bar, despite my having a girlfriend I love very much. I feel horrible. Until now, I'd never cheated on a woman. Is it crazy to want to tell my girlfriend? It was kissing only, and I never saw the girl again. Plus, I barely remember it. I am planning on proposing soon and don't want us to have any secrets. — Ashamed Getting away with something might feel good in the moment, but in time, it goes over like itchy underwear. Ruining the drunken make-out fun is one of the evolutionary underpinnings of human society, our evolved fairness-monitoring system that made it possible for us to live cooperatively in groups. This system is basically an internal accounting department, tracking who owes what to whom and using our emotions as the enforcer. Conversely, we feel guilty and long to right the balance when we're the one breaking some agreement. But is letting your girlfriend in on your lips' browser history the right thing to do? Maybe; maybe not. Chances are, you tell yourself that you'd be confessing for your girlfriend's benefit, that she deserves to know. Well, maybe she deserves to not know. Maybe what's really driving your desire to confess is the weight on your conscience and how telling will lessen your load. What should determine whether you tell your girlfriend is why you kissed the girl and whether the past is a harbinger of what's to come. If you're a bad bet for remaining faithful, disclose this so your girlfriend can decide whether it's worth it to her to put herself in harm's way. If, however, this was a drunken one-time thing, why cause her unnecessary worry and pain? Keep your big wandering yap shut and lighten your guiltload by doing what you would've if you had told her -- making amends. Do kind acts for people in need and basically be a fantastic boyfriend to her. (Be careful not to go noticeably overboard. A dozen roses on some random Tuesday is "Oh, you shouldn't have"; 100 is "Wait… what did you do?") And finally, to ensure that this remains a one-time event, come up with some standards of bar-time engagement for yourself, like maybe that you need to switch to Shirley Temples after two beers. This way, you'll be prepared to act like somebody's boyfriend when temptation sidles up to you at the bar. (There's a reason they call it "sloppy drunk" and not "making wise relationship decisions" drunk.) Amy Alkon WEEKLY HOROSCOPES BY HOLIDAY ARIES (March 21-April 19). Just because you have a right to do something doesn't mean you should do it. Your rules for yourself are more stringent than the rules of the law or even the rules of etiquette. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Your mood won't change with the moods of others. You'll be the fixed point, and others will adjust to your frequency. Lucky for them, you're likely to set it at something that will improve their lives. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). You've stopped taking things personally and concerning yourself with rewards or punishments. The situation you're in calls for rational thinking. There are only actions and consequences. CANCER (June 22-July 22). You'll approach a stranger you want to know as you would a sincere friend, and before long, that is what you become. People will trust you because you prove to be trustworthy. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). As long as a relationship seems to be progressing, don't worry that it's going rather slowly. Take each interaction less seriously. Relax and let natural rhythms take hold. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). People love you. It's hard to remember this when you're not with the ones you love or when they're not behaving as well as they could be. Reach out and let them show you that you are loved. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). You needn't slap on a veneer of kindness, helpfulness and interest if that's not what you are feeling. If it happens naturally, great. But if it doesn't, you'll be better off acknowledging your true feelings. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). If you can't seem to get yourself to take action on your own behalf, make plans and tell people about them. The added social pressure will help to motivate you. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). You feel positive about a relationship that offers solid commitments, emotional and otherwise. You find a lack of commitment bothersome and are put off by people who seem to be making things up as they go. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Think of more options than you have already. If you confine yourself to the first few possibilities right off the top of your head, you'll be doing yourself a disservice.Go deep for the best solutions possible. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Your willpower is strong, and your ability to overcome adversity is impressive. You'll put these gifts to work today, and you'll be propelled toward a goal. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). Good relationships can be crafted; great ones are an art. People who practice being good to people, having fun with people and supporting people become better at it. The art is in making the craft invisible. NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD Norway's prison system is regarded as among the most inmate-friendly in the world, but convicted mass murderer Anders Breivik is still not impressed. Breivik, serving 21 years for the 2011 bomb-and-gun attacks that killed 77 people, may already enjoy amenities unheard of for a comparable American murderer, but he sent wardens 12 demands in November, including an upgrade of his manual typewriter and his PlayStation 2 (to a PS3, with better access to game selection). He also demanded that his weekly government "allowance" (equivalent of $49) be doubled, and said if the "torture" of his living conditions is not relieved, he would be forced into a hunger strike. (Breivik threatened a similar strike in 2012, citing "inhumane" conditions such as cold coffee, lack of skin moisturizer and insufficient butter for his bread.) [Los Angeles Times, 2-18- 2014] [BBC News, 11-9-2012] The Continuing Crisis Following alarming reports, the Ohio attorney general's office began working with the Ohio Veterinary Medical Association in December to be vigilant for pet owners who might be commandeering their dogs' and cats' pain killers -- for their own use. Worse, other reports suggested some owners were deliberately injuring their pets just to obtain the drugs. [Dayton Daily News, 12-11-2013] The Super Bowl may be the "holy grail" for Las Vegas sports gambling, but outside the United States, horse-racing, soccer and, surprisingly, pro tennis dominate. Tennis provides bettors with 19,000 matches a year (compared to 1,200 NBA games, 2,400 Major League Baseball games and fewer than 300 NFL games), with betting on 400,000 individual games and even on individual points, of which there are nearly 2.5 million, according to a January New York Times dispatch from Melbourne, Australia. In January's Australian Open, a routine fourth-round women's match between players ranked ninth and 28th in the world attracted more than $4 million in wagers -- on just the first set. [New York Times, 1-22-2014] Grrrrr! (1) In Chedzoy, England, in January, the border collie spaniel Luce was "re-homed" after Royston Grimstead, 42, learned that she had chewed completely through a wheel arch on his $120,000 Aston Martin. Said Grimstead, "(S)he had this guilty look on her face." (2) A magistrates court in Aberystwyth, Wales, convicted Ms. Rhian Jeremiah, 26, of criminal damage in January for biting into the roof of a Fiat 500 during an alcohol- fueled incident last year.[Yahoo News, 2-4-2014] [BBC News, 1-10-2014] COPYRIGHT 2011 CHUCK SHEPHERD Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard By Holiday Mathis Dance Works, The North Carolina State Ballet Directed by Charlotte Blume Fayetteville State University Dance Ensemble Directed by Avis Hatcher - Puzzo present ACT II Swan Lake "Fairies" Prologue, Sleeping Beauty and FSU Dance Ensemble Friday, March 21 at 7:30 p.m. Saturday, March 22 at 3:00 p.m. Seabrook Auditorium FSU Tickets available at ETIX.com and Seabrook Box Office The Concert Check the reviews in www.upandcomingweekly.com 208 Rowan St. 910.484.6200 "IS THE PLAY FILM BALLET CONCERT ART SHOW RESTAURANT ANY GOOD?"