CityView Magazine

16 | March/April • 2014 G ary Chapman's world-renowned book, e Five Love Languages, has sold over four million copies in the English language alone. As a mar- riage coach, I oen use this as a tool in teaching couples how to meet the needs of their spouse. Dr. Chapman explains that there are five love lan- guages — words of affirmation, physical touch, gi receiving, quality time, and acts of service. Each of us usually has one primary love language. e other four are less important. In the book, Ben and Emily were struggling to connect with each other, although they had been married less than three years. On their wedding day, they never anticipated that they needed help meeting each other's needs. It didn't occur to them that loving each other would ever become difficult. While having dinner one night in a local res- taurant, Emily noticed a couple who seemed to be totally engaged with one another, engrossed in their conversation. What's hap- pened to us? Emily wondered to herself. Didn't we used to be that enamored with one another? Now, instead of talking during dinner, we text our friends or search the Internet. I dare say if you have been married for more than a few years, you have experienced the same feeling as Emily. Rather quickly it seems we become bored and disinterested in our spouses. Unless, of course, we have learned the art of loving each other well. God explains in His Word that we are on this earth to serve, not to be served. at means if one is trying to get every need met while neglecting his or her spouse's needs, one is ignor- ing God's directive. Problems are likely to occur — spiritually, physically and emotionally. Love is about giving. Many times we give love in the way we ourselves want to receive love. However, each person's spouse most likely has a different love By LEIGh annE MCLEan That lovin' feeling? HAVE YOU LOST language and may not enjoy the way his or her mate is express- ing love and appreciation. For example, my husband's love language is words of af- firmation. He compliments me oen, affirming that he truly appreciates me. Without fail, he gives me some sort of positive verbal recognition almost daily. Although I can appreciate his compliments, it isn't my primary love language. So, naturally, there is a bit of a disconnection. Not to sound ungrateful, but I'd much prefer he take a walk with me, even if we don't say a single word! If we take a walk and he actively engages me in conversation, it's amazing how my feelings of love toward him increase. In return, I am much more likely to give him the verbal encouragement he craves. If you've lost that loving feeling, ask your spouse about his or her love language. Now try this for one week. If his love language is words of affirmation, stick a note on his steering wheel each night so he will find it in the morning. If her love language is physical touch, hold her hand while walk- ing or watching television. If she loves acts of service, cook dinner for her and clean up aerwards. e simplest and smallest of presents can bring great joy to one whose love language is receiving gis. Is his love language quality time? Plan a special evening together for just the two of you. Here's the secret to making an effort like this. ough you may not feel up to the challenge, remember that feelings fol- low actions. You may not feel like listening to your spouse talk about his rock collection, but make the effort. e more gener- ously and lovingly you act toward your spouse, the more you will naturally become more generous and loving toward your spouse. Changing the way you show love takes practice. Just a few small changes can energize your marriage relationship… guaranteed! CV Leigh Anne McLean, M.A. is a Certified Marriage Coach and Christian Counselor.

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