Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/258661
FEBRUARY 12-18, 2014 UCW 23 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS A Good Time Was Jihad By All I'm good friends with the woman next door, but she and her husband fight constantly in front of me and others. Recently, we were all in their car. She was driving, and he repeatedly told her everything she was doing wrong. Then he called to order a pizza, and she laid into him, saying he was ordering wrong. It was really unpleasant. Then, last week, they came to a dinner party at my house and started fighting right at the table! Is there any way to stop the tension and this rude behavior? Uncomfortable It's so sweet when you look at a couple and realize that their relationship reminds you of a classic romantic comedy — like Apocalypse Now. There are social conventions we all just know to adhere to, like that you don't get to use other people's ears as hampers for your relationship's dirty laundry. Unfortunately, this couple seems to have reached the "winning is everything" point — the point at which social conventions get crumpled up and thrown out the car window and you and your guests are dismayed to find your dinner party doubling as a jury trial. Well-meaning people will advise you to take the woman aside or chirp "Yoo-hoo, I'm right here!" when they go from zero to "I hate you" right in front of you. But there's a good chance these suggestions won't work, thanks to our body's sloppy and imprecise "fight or flight" system, which is seriously in need of an upgrade. It turns out that the adrenaline rush that would get triggered to help our ancestors escape a hungry tiger's attack can also be triggered by a verbal attack by a wife when her husband fails to meet certain apparently essential takeout-ordering standards. Psychologist Daniel Goleman calls this an "emotional hijacking" because the brain's reasoning center gets bypassed. He explains in his book "Emotional Intelligence" that the surge of adrenaline and other crisis hormones make a person's emotions "so intense, their perspective so narrow, and their thinking so confused that there is no hope of taking the other's viewpoint or settling things in a reasonable way." In other words, the behavior you should have the best success modifying is your own. And no, the modification shouldn't involve riding in the trunk when you go places with them or having the garden hose close at hand at your dinner parties so you can break up any snarling dogs or married couples. A couple whose party manners fall off faster than pants on a nude beach doesn't deserve your company — much as they might like to have a witness in case one of them needs to claim "self-defense." You may want to see the wife alone, but you should decline all future opportunities to be in the presence of this duo. WEEKLY HOROSCOPES BY HOLIDAY ARIES (March 21-April 19)Your astral gift of the day is clear vision that helps you define your purpose so precisely that others can easily see it, understand it and know how they can help you with it. TAURUS (April 20-May 20) You'll stop working when the work is done and not a moment sooner or later than that. This is the secret to your success — an amazingly simple key, and yet few will do as you do. GEMINI (May 21-June 21) IThe cleverest of people are usually not trying to be clever at all; rather, they are trying to solve a problem. Your problem today will have to do with lightening the mood. CANCER (June 22-July 22) Because you feel positive, loving and kind, you'll radiate the good vibes that have people gravitating toward you whether you want them to or not. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)Those who most need your leadership will resist it. How frustrating. You only have their best interests at heart. Alas, you'll have to find ways to be more influential. It's just the excuse you needed to grow your charisma. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Take the time to figure out what you really want to do. Once you know this, you'll feel better about everything else in your life. All will fall into place. Your conviction is something to admire, and admire it they will. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23)Hype and passion are not the same things, though they are often confused. Passion is about inner desire, not exterior motive. Hype tends to follow the money. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21) People whose lives are stressful sometimes use up all of their self-control in keeping it together. That doesn't make them bad people. Those who are not as loving and patient as you may have good reasons. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) When love is strong in you, as it is right now, you can forgive, and it's not that big of a deal to do so, even if you have to forgive the same action over and over before the other person finally gets it. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)Your preferences are different from what some people seem to think you ought to prefer, and that's how you know they are true. Your heart doesn't take a vote and move on consensus. It does what it does. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) A Russian proverb says: "Don't buy the house; buy the neighborhood." You won't be purchasing either today, and yet the saying applies to something you'll buy that will align you with a particular group of people. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) People say that the best things require work and are not produced in haste. However, sometimes what's fast and easy is the glorious reward for all the laborious and failed efforts that came before. NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD America's returning warriors continue to experience inexplicable difficulty after putting their lives at risk for their country. It took 13 years for Army Sgt. Maj. Richard Erickson to get his job back from his civilian employer after he took leave in 2000 to serve in the National Guard special forces. The employer soon fired him for taking "excessive military leave." The employer? The U.S. Postal Service, for which Erickson worked as a window clerk (and which was forced to reinstate him after a January 2014 ruling awarding him $2 million in back pay). Erickson had won several interim victories, but USPS fought each one, extending the case, and said in January that it might even appeal the latest ruling. [Los Angeles Times, 1-8-2014] Recurring Themes Happy New Year: (1) Once again, celebrants in France marked Jan. 1 by setting fire to 1,067 cars nationwide (down from 1,193 the previous Jan. 1). (2) In the Hillbrow neighborhood of Johannesburg, South Africa, celebrants apparently decided to abandon a 20-year-old tradition and not hurl furniture from high-rise apartments. (The Hillbrow custom was highlighted on one social-networking website, along with the New Year's graveyard gathering of relatives in Chile and Ireland's banging bread on walls to dispel evil spirits.) [Daily Telegraph (London), 1-1-2014] [Wall Street Journal, 1-2-2014] Holy Mutations: Deformed animals born in developing countries often attract streams of pilgrims, seeking to touch a creature considered divinely blessed. In December, a five-legged cow in Raipur, India, had supposedly "caused" the last 30 women who touched it to give birth to boys. And a day after that report came one from Phuket, Thailand, in which a newborn gecko with six legs and two heads has become a magnet for visitors seeking clues to winning lottery numbers. [Daily Mail (London), 12-25-2013] [Phuket News, 12-26-2013]] In November the Journal-News of Hamilton, Ohio, examining various police union contracts in the state, learned that in several jurisdictions, officers are allowed to work their shifts even when less sober than some drivers whom they ticket for DUI. In Lebanon, Ohio, for instance, cops can work with a .04 blood-alcohol reading. In Butler County, a .04 reading triggers legal protections for officers that are unavailable to ordinary drivers. (However, in Lebanon, an officer's right to suck on a breath mint before taking the test was recently removed from the contract.) [Journal-News, 11-17-2013] COPYRIGHT 2011 CHUCK SHEPHERD Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard For the Week of January Jan. 27, 2014 By Holiday Mathis Talk Line: 910-864-6400 Local News, Weather, Traffi c & Sports Good Morning Fayetteville with Goldy & Jim Weekday Mornings 6-10 a.m. W