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6B Daily News – Wednesday, January 8, 2014 Man wants more from 15-year affair with married woman DEAR CAROLYN » I have been seeing a married woman for 15 years. She was my childhood sweetheart and we never really got over each other. I know I need to break away, but whenever I try I get pulled back in. She doesn't know if she can ever leave her marriage. I know she wants to, I have no doubt. I just Carolyn don't think Hax she has the Ask Carolyn strength to. The marriage is not good, but she has adult children that I feel will never accept me and she is afraid they will reject her if she ends her marriage. She is "content" with our relationship the way it is, but I want more. I have woken up alone for 15 years, don't vacation, don't do the things a "normal" relationship would include. I feel like my life is passing me by. Is counseling something I should consider? — Tell Me I Am Stupid for Wanting Only One Person for 40 Years DEAR TELL ME » Yes. For whatever reason, you want to be the loving-only-one-personfor-40-years guy. You get something out of the pining, even. Why do I say that? Because otherwise you wouldn't put up with it. People are unique little snowflakes and all that, but we're all quite consistent on finding ways to do exactly what we want. (See, "she wants to" leave her marriage, above. Ahem.) Again — I don't know what emotional vacancy this vigil of yours fills; I just see the consistency and certainty of your choices. Try framing this not as an unrequited-love story, but instead a misapplication-of-free-will story. The mind is so powerful that if you don't enlist it as your ally, and don't turn it to something that it has the power to achieve, then you're royally stewed. Changing other people's choices isn't in your mind's power, right? And yet it's trained on that. You have the stasis to prove it. Please break the spell by recognizing the reason you haven't been able to imagine your life differently: You haven't actually wanted to. Changing what you want is wrenching, but possible. Ask people who have broken out of ruts of all kinds — generally you'll find one of three catalysts at work. One is necessity, where someone dumps you or dies or fires you, or you become seriously ill, or life otherwise cuts stasis off your list of choices. Another is the surprise appearance of a healthy alternative. A coursechanging opportunity can end a 15-year drama inside of a week. The third is achieving a state of self-loathing — or just abject boredom with your own stalled self — that inspires you to tear the list into little bits and just DO something. You're on the doorstep, I suspect, perhaps wishfully, of No. 3. Go see if counseling can heave you over the threshold at last. Email Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/ carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com. BABY BLUES Jerry Scott & Rick Kirkman ZITS Jerry Scott & Jim Borgman Brian Crane PICKLES Darby Conley GET FUZZY Sudoku Instructions: The object is to place the numbers 1 to 9 in the empty squares so that each row, each column and each 3x3 box contains the number only once. SHERMAN'S LAGOON Jim Toomey Answer to Previous Puzzle PEARLS BEFORE SWINE Stephan Pastis Celebrity Cipher By Luis Campos Instructions: Celebrity Cipher cryptograms are created from quotations by famous people, past and present. Each letter in the cipher stands for another. Scott Adams DILBERT BIZARRO Horoscope By Bernice Bede Osol Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) — Don't let your emotions lead you astray. Do your share at home and contribute to projects that need to be finished. Staying busy will help you keep the peace and avoid criticism. Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 19) — Listen to advice being offered, but make choices based on what's best for you. Not everyone will understand what will make you feel happy and accomplished. Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20) — Consider ways to make your bank account grow. Offering a service or investing in something that will help you expand your marketable interests can pay off. Love is in the stars. Aries (March 21-April 19) — Don't wait until you are forced to make a change. Stay on top of every situation you face. Dan Piraro ARGYLE SWEATER Taurus (April 20-May 20) — You've got insight, knowledge, expertise and determination, so don't let anything stand between you and your goal. A promise will add security to an important relationship. Gemini (May 21-June 20) — Ask questions, do your research and focus on innovation when it comes to finding solutions. Keep life simple by being honest about who you are and what you have to offer. Cancer (June 21-July 22) — Your emotional commitments and your desire to get ahead financially will keep you busy today. Don't lose sight of what's important, and be sure to nurture the relationships that count most. Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) — Your heart is in the right place, but not everyone will agree with your actions. Keep a low profile and work quietly until you finish what you start. Scott Hilburn Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) — Sign up for something that you think you might enjoy. Spending time with the younger or older people in your life will help you see your situation from a different perspective. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) — You will face trouble at home due to stubborn people. Work on projects that can help alter areas of your life that you find difficult or stressful. Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22) — Share your thoughts and engage in functions that will bring you in contact with freethinkers. Make lifestyle changes that will improve your emotional well-being. Sagittarius (Nov. 23Dec. 21) — Prepare to make a change, but before you do, make sure you have everything in place. Preparation and execution will determine how far you will go and how successful you will be. NEA Crossword