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Friday, January 14, 2011 – Daily News – 5A FEATURES Established existence excludes excitement Dear Annie: I have been married to my high school sweetheart for more than 20 years, and in that time, we have become homebodies. Every year since we tied the knot, the passion has gradu- ally declined, and lately, it’s about dead. I am beginning to see life slip away without having done anything exciting. I happily gave up many inter- ests for my wife, but I have recently regained my enjoy- ment of thrilling adventures, even if it means doing so alone. I’d like her to join me, and my enthusiasm has put pressure on our relationship because my wife refuses to explore all that life has to offer. I love her and believe she loves me, but I don’t believe we are ‘‘in love’’ anymore. The sparks are gone, and we barely talk. I am miserable and have been for decades, but the wonderful times I spend with our children keep me Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar going. A man needs to feel a woman’s affection. A good friend convinced me that infidelity was not the answer, but she also said that I am cheating myself and teaching my children that marriage doesn’t include conversation, hug- ging or love. She also said I am being unfair to my wife by staying in an unfulfilling marriage. I am tired of spending what little time we have together being pushed away and vegging in front of the TV. I believe it is time to man up and move on, but I am afraid to be alone and don’t want to damage my kids or end up seeing them once a week. Should I continue to bottle up my feelings and keep my family together, or should we call it quits? I am not interested in therapy. I don’t want to share my hurt feelings with a stranger. — No More Frustrations, Please Dear No More Frustration: You are sharing them with us, so we’ll try to give you some advice. There is nothing stopping you from enjoying activities without your wife — many couples have separate interests. But you seem to think life is passing you by, so the need for excitement has taken on an urgency. Leaving your wife without attempting counseling is self-serv- ing. Bottling up your feelings does not allow her to respond to or understand the depth of your unhap- piness. We cannot promise counsel- ing will help her change her ways, but it will help you feel you have done all you can to save your mar- riage. We assume that is what you want to do. Dear Annie: At a movie theater, is there a rule for which armrest belongs to you? — Jim in Omaha Dear Jim: No. The only rule is, you don’t get to hog both armrests. And sometimes, unfortunately, it means you won’t get either one, which is why you have a lap. Now is the perfect time to organize This is the perfect week to get organized for the new year. And every year, you promise to be better orga- nized -- for your taxes, for your investments, for your retirement plan- ning -- and just for the sake of your con- science. You know that if anyone tried to fig- ure out your "system" -- in case of emergency -- they'd be stymied by the way you failed to file your important papers, such as insurance policies or invest- ment records. They'd be blocked by the lack of pass- words to your online accounts. And valuable time would be lost because no one could find authoriza- tion to make health care or financial decisions if you were incapacitated. And there are better solutions -- both paper solu- tions and digital ones. For years, I've offered an opportunity to download my four-page Personal Financial Organizer form. Just go to www.TerrySav- age.com and fill in your name and e-mail in the little pop-up box to get a response with a link to the form, which you can print out and fill out with all your information. This organizer will serve as more than record-keep- ing device. It will point out tasks left undone, such as updating your will or estate plan or reviewing your life insurance policies. There's a space to list financial accounts, contact names and passwords, if you choose to add them. There's even a section to list your credit card numbers and the toll-free number to call if your wallet is stolen. Leave this completed organizer in a safe place where your spouse, or adult child, could find it in an emergency. For the digital genera- tion, there's a new online version of this kind of infor- mation storage. Check it out at www.infosafe.com. What I've been advising you to do on paper can now be done digitally with utmost safe- ty. InformationSafe is available as desktop soft- ware or secure- ly retrieved from a subscrip- tion-based online Web service. It gathers all your legal, medical, business documents in one digital "storage box." The site offers more than 250 templates for saving this information in seven cate- gories: personal, financial, insurance, legal, health, property or key contacts. For each document stored, you can write a "note" with more informa- tion or instructions. And you can attach documents securely, so that the page describing your insurance information can include a scanned attachment of the actual policy. The medical records can have an attached scan of your physi- cian's latest lab and test reports. In fact, many of these record-keepers will send you secure digital files, eliminating the need to scan documents. Attach a copy of your cemetery deed or your revo- cable living trust docu- ments. Scan birth certifi- cates and military service records, so your family has access to the information with one guarded password. The desktop version can be backed up online, pro- tecting you from theft, fire or computer disaster. The online version allows you to access the information securely from any comput- er. Plus it lets you send pass- word-protected, secure e- mail links to the stored information to your family members, attorney or accountant. The desktop or Web pro- grams each cost $49.95 a year, with a 60-day free trial. The programs work with Windows and Mac computers. They carry the highest levels of safety certifica- tion. For everyday money-manage- ment solutions, this is the time to get started on something new. If I haven't yet con- vinced you to do your banking online, then at least start a new check register for the new year (and put the old one away with your bank statements and tax records in case of a future audit). By now, almost everyone has accepted online bill pay- Terry panies and investment accounts in minutes. Then you're ready to enjoy the search features ("How much did I pay to?") and the bud- geting features ("What did I spend in each cat- egory?") and the "warning" fea- tures ("You're about to over- spend in that cat- egory"). Savage The Savage Truth on Money ment -- probably done directly at your bank's web- site. But the information there is simply a record of your payments. There's a lot more you can do to facilitate budgeting or tracking of payments by category. Your bank allows you to down- load your payment records directly into your money- management program. For years, I've recom- mended Quicken, which is now the lone surviving money-management sys- tem. You don't even need to leave your desk to get start- ed. At Quicken.com, you can download the 2011 ver- sion and pay with your credit card. Once started, you'll not only track bill payments by downloading securely from your bank's website into the program, but you can set goals and manage your spending. And it will help at tax-time because it is integrated with Turbo-Tax. (Even if you don't use that software, your accountant probably does!) Do not be intimidated. Quicken makes it easy to get securely connected to your bank, credit card com- Adobe Rd. Chevron Fresh Cooked CRABS Cooking Fresh Crab 2 DAYS A WEEK • “Freshest CRABS in Red Bluff” • Cleaning of Crab Free! Every Crab sold $1.00 donated to a local charity Price & availability depending on weather. Call to see if they arrived. 527-1859 2370 NORTH MAIN STREET, RED BLUFF • 527-1859 “Your Convenience Store With A Whole Lot More” www.rollinghillscasino.com If you want to keep track of your finances almost anywhere, there's a Quicken online version that allows you access to all your information, securely from any computer. It allows you to track spending and pay bills when you're on vacation or traveling on business. If you want even more instant control on your per- sonal handheld device, the solution is at Mint.com -- a free app that's part of the Quicken family. While you can't pay bills -- yet -- from Mint, you can track all your accounts and spending in real time. The program sends you alerts when it's time to pay a bill, when your spending is going over budget -- or when you're about to go over a credit limit. And it offers sugges- tions for money-saving financial products from institutions whose support makes the whole process free to users. This is the week to start your new money-manage- ment system -- either on paper or digitally. A finan- cially organized mind is a mind that's ready for oppor- tunity. Cause of watery eye hard to find DEAR DR. GOTT: I am a 65- year old female in good health, other than the type 2 diabetes I’ve had since 1992. I have used insulin since 2002, and my dia- betes is in good control with an A1C of 6.5. I have had a Dr. Peter Gott watery eye for four months now. Initially, I threw away two tubes of mascara, thinking they may be causing my eye to be infected. The water is clear, and there is no pain in my eye. I used allergy eyedrops and took an allergy pill with an anti- histamine in it. Neither helped my eye. I visited my dentist and learned I needed some dental work done on the upper right side of my mouth. I asked if this could cause my eye to water, and he didn’t think so. I later had the dental work completed, and my eye still watered. I visited my ophthal- mologist, and he gave me a thorough eye exam, including irrigation of the tear duct. The water flowed through to my throat. He could not find a reason for my eye to be watering. So I visited my family doctor, and she referred me to another ophthalmologist for a second opinion. The sec- ond one did a thorough eye exam, including irri- gating the tear duct again. The second irrigation was VERY painful, leading me to believe that the needle was not placed in the proper position. When the doctor released the water, it ran down my cheek so the second doc- tor believes there may be a tear-duct blockage. She wanted to refer me to a surgeon. I don’t believe the second procedure was done correctly so I don’t wish to see a surgeon. She further suggested I use eyedrops up to four times a day and hold hot compresses to that eye twice a day. After a week, the eye is still watering. Do you have any sug- gestions? Or is this just a part of the aging process and something I am going to have to live with? DEAR READER: I certainly hope not. Tear- ing occurs when the body makes more tears than are lost through natural drainage or evaporation. Obvious causes include exposure to cold, wind, allergies and infection or, as both ophthalmol- ogists attempted to determine, a blocked tear duct. Other less com- mon possibilities include irritation, an ingrown eye- lash, dry eye, eyelid abnormalities, eyestrain and blepharitis (over- growth of normal skin bacteria). Keep in mind that some medications such as antihistamines, diuretics, pain relievers, sleeping pills and beta- blockers might be the cul- prit. As we age, we com- monly have dry eyes (decreased production of tears) and a relaxation of the muscles that hold the inner portion of the eyelid tightly against the eye. Treatment will obvi- ously depend on the cause. Blocked ducts can be repaired by creating a new channel from the sac to the inside of the nose. Narrowed (but not blocked) drainage chan- nels can be widened with the use of a probe. Aller- gic conjunctivitis will respond to antihista- mines. Infective conjunc- tivitis might ultimately require an antibiotic. Per- haps you are unknowing- ly on a medication that could be causing the tear- ing. I cannot comment on the second irrigation treat- ment, but I can recom- mend you make an appointment with your primary-care physician so he or she can ask relevant questions, perform some simple testing, and zero in on or rule out some of the possibilities I mentioned. Good luck. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com CARE TO COMMENT? 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