Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/221031
2B Daily News – Tuesday, December 3, 2013 Daughter said aweful things out of jealousy over siblings benefited from family counseling at Dear Annie: My husthe time, there's not much you can do band and I are in our early about that now. We suggest you send 80s. We have four children. Susan a letter or an email, simply say''John'' and ''Susan'' are ing that you love her and always will, from my first marriage. that you are sorry for the rift, and that They were very young you hope someday her anger will pass. when my first husband died Meanwhile, please have Alice conand I remarried. I then had tact RAINN (rainn.org) at 1-800-656''Jane'' and ''Alice.'' On my most recent Annie's HOPE. Being cordial to her molester may be harder on her than you think. birthday, Jane took my husDear Annie: I was taught that band and me to our favorite restaurant. Jane also invited by Kathy Mitchell ''RSVP'' stands for ''please respond.'' Alice, who lives in a rental and Marcy Sugar But these days, huge organizations (often charities) send mass-mailed on our property. (Susan lives in another state.) Alice posted on invitations to hundreds of people, some Facebook what a nice dinner we had. of whom have little connection to the The next morning, Susan called Alice at group and may live so far away that it 4 a.m., screaming, ''Why didn't you would be extraordinary if they attended. I always write a note sending my invite John?'' She then proceeded to call regrets, because this has been ingrained me and scream. I was shocked. I sent her an email later and asked in me. But I also worry that the funcwhy she was so upset. I love John, but he tionary who receives my note wonders, has made a mess of his life. He is a bully ''Who is this anachronism living in the and has had confrontations with every- past century?'' Do the charities really one in the family. We recently found out expect the non-attendees to RSVP that that John molested Alice when she was 5 they will not be there, or do they merely years old. Alice is cordial when she is seek a head count? — Don't Want To Be forced to be around him, but John has Old-Fashioned Dear Don't: They want a head count, never admitted or apologized for his but an RSVP saying ''no'' is equally actions. My older kids are not terribly reliable. appropriate. And we are certain they We named Jane executor of our estate appreciate (and marvel at) an actual because Susan is a heavy pot smoker and handwritten response by someone who is quick-tempered, and John cannot be well-mannered enough to send one. trusted. It breaks my heart, but that's the Bless your heart. Dear Annie: Please tell ''Polly Posiway it is. Susan hasn't spoken to me in months. tive'' that she and her husband should I now believe she and John have always attend a cancer support group. After my been jealous of my younger daughters. husband was diagnosed with cancer, we Even though my husband raised them all, joined two cancer support groups. We Susan has said hurtful things about him. get a lot of information from the surShe also says I ''never wanted'' her. This vivors and are able to give advice to the newly diagnosed. I can't stress strongly is completely untrue. I pine for Susan every day, but I refuse enough how important support groups to phone her because of the awful things are. — Big Cancer Support Group Advoshe says to me. My husband says we cate only have a few years left and we should Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy enjoy them. What do you think? — Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime Heartbroken Dear Heartbroken: It is not unusual editors of the Ann Landers column. for children, even grown ones, to harbor Please email your questions to resentments and jealousies against anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Mailbox, c/o Creators younger siblings, particularly when Annie's those siblings are from a different mar- Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa riage. While your older kids could have Beach, CA 90254. Mailbox Cheapskate, who me? Some people think the word cheapskate is an insult. Not me. I enjoy being called a cheapskate. It reminds me that I'm not what I used to be: a credit-card junkie. There was a time I used plastic to fill the gap between my pathetic income and the life I so rightly deserved. When my sixfigure bridge collapsed, (yes, you can take that to mean more than $100,000 in non-mortgage debt) I had two choices: change my ways or lose everything. Knowing I wouldn't do well with the latter, I opted for change. I could fill several books with all that happened and what I've learned (Wait! I have), but I'll cut to the chase. We didn't go bankrupt, we paid back every penny and now I live to tell. Yeah, you can call me a cheapskate any day, and I'll take it as a compliment. So, you may be thinking, how did she do that?! I stopped spending every penny I had and all we hoped to have. Bottom line: I learned how to live on less than our income. A lot less. The steps are simple: • Rein in your brain. You have to stop believing you are entitled to have it all now and then pay, and pay and pay for it later. The truth is you can't have it all, but you cliched as that may sound, it's a principle to hang on can have enough. • Embrace frugality. I to. With so many discount stores and Amerwas repulsed by ica's gigantic the word until I garage sale -understood it. ebay.com, Frugality is just half.com, doing whatcraigslist.org -ever it you may never takes to pay retail again. spend And how about less than that food? Let me you earn. tell you, I was a What a major coupon novel consnob until I cept. Frugal Mary learned how to doesn't mean make those sucktacky, frumpy or ers work for me. stingy. The truth Now I save is we cheaparound 60 perskates (see? I cent off my grocalled myself a cery bill every cheapskate!) week. I swalactually fix stuff instead of running out to lowed my pride and buy new stuff. Another learned how to do it right. novel concept. We figure Watch for more on that in out how to use this for an upcoming column. I could go on and on, that when that costs more than this. We drive paid- but I'll close with this: If for cars, we challenge you begin to apply even a everything and ask if few of the things you read there's a better way. in this column every day, Here's an example: I used you will end up with extra to get my hair cut every cash. You just might want four weeks. Then I fig- to open that savings ured how to stretch that to account now so you'll be six. That's four-and-a-half all ready to go. fewer haircuts a year, Mary Hunt is the which translates to -of well, you do the math. founder Apply this kind of think- www.DebtProofLiving.co ing to all areas of spend- m, a personal finance ing and just watch the member website. You can her at dramatic results. Being a email cheapskate is less embar- mary@everydaycheapsk rassing than you'd think, ate.com, or write to unless you count that half Everyday Cheapskate, P.O. Box 2099, Cypress, haircut. Ha-ha! CA 90630. • Never pay retail. As Hunt Everyday Cheapskate Business Person of the Year Nominations are being accepted for the Corning Chamber of Commerce Business of the Year. The award is selected based in part on the following criteria: • Staying power – a substantiated history as an established business. • Growth in number of employees – a bench mark to judge the impact of the businesses on the job market. • Increase in sales and or unit volume – an indication of continued growth. • Innovative products or services – illustration of the creativity and imagination of the nominee. • Responses to adversity – example of problems faced in the nominee's business and the methods used to solve them. • Contribution by nominees to aid community oriented projects – through the use of his or her personal time and other resources. If you would like to submit a nominee, compile a one-page summary based on the above criteria and send it to the Corning Chamber of Commerce, 1110 Solano St., or info@corningcachamber.org. The award will be presented at the Installation Dinner Jan. 18, 2014.