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6A – Daily News – Tuesday, December 21, 2010 Opinion D NEWSAILY RED BLUFF TEHAMACOUNTY T H E V O I C E O F T E H A M A C O U N T Y S I N C E 1 8 8 5 Crying game Greg Stevens, Publisher gstevens@redbluffdailynews.com Chip Thompson, Editor editor@redbluffdailynews.com Editorial policy The Daily News opinion is expressed in the editorial. The opinions expressed in columns, letters and cartoons are those of the authors and artists. Letter policy The Daily News welcomes let- ters from its readers on timely topics of public interest. All let- ters must be signed and pro- vide the writer’s home street address and home phone num- ber. Anonymous letters, open letters to others, pen names and petition-style letters will not be allowed. Letters should be typed and cannot exceed two double-spaced pages or 500 words. When several letters address the same issue, a cross section of those submit- ted will be considered for publi- cation. Letters will be edited. 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How to reach us Main office: 527-2151 Classified: 527-2151 Circulation: 527-2151 News tips: 527-2153 Sports: 527-2153 Obituaries: 527-2151 Photo: 527-2153 On the Web www.redbluffdailynews.com Fax Newsroom: 527-9251 Classified: 527-5774 Retail Adv.: 527-5774 Legal Adv.: 527-5774 Business Office: 527-3719 Address 545 Diamond Ave. Red Bluff, CA 96080, or P.O. Box 220 Red Bluff, CA 96080 Commentary The Top 10 comedic news stories of the first decade of the 21st century Believe it or not, an entire decade has passed since the turn of the Millennium. One hundred-twenty months. One- tenth of a century. More than 3600 days. How did that hap- pen? It’s harder to compre- hend than a faded Kazakhstani street sign tagged by Mongo- lian graffiti. As we are painfully aware, much ugly stuff occurred during the decade, but what with all the mayhem and turmoil, you might think nothing worth laughing about went down. You’d be wrong. I know. I know. I know. “Not another Top Ten List.” Yes. Another Top Ten List. Hey, how many ends of the decade does one get in a lifetime? Maybe seven, eight, fourteen if you’re lucky. So, deal with it, because thar she blows: a list of the Top Ten Comedic News Sto- ries of the First Decade of the 21st Century. And not a Paris Hilton or Somali pirate sight- ing among them. Kerry-Edwards ‘04. Worst campaign ever. And that includes France in ‘39. Who would have thought Democ- rats would fondly reminisce about the charismatic Gore- Lieberman ticket? The Clintons. He got $12 million for his memoirs. She got $8 million for hers. Not bad for two people who testi- fied under oath for eight years that they couldn’t remember a single thing. Economic Bubbles Burst- ing. Dot com. Energy. Hous- ing. Summed up best by the Enron Ethics manual on eBay whose seller described it as being in “mint condition- never used.” That could have been the problem. Sold -- $250. John McCain. Old warhorse finally gets his shot. Then couldn’t remember how many houses he owned. Turns out he had eight. Every time I get four houses I trade them in for a hotel. Political sex scandals. Vit- ter. Foley. Edwards. Ensign. Sanford. And Spitzer, the N.Y. governor who flew a hooker from New York to D.C., because God knows there aren’t enough hookers in D.C. Five hundred thirty-five that I can think of, offhand. Put her up at the Mayflower and gave her four grand. That’s a liberal. A conservative will try to get it for free in an airport men’s room stall. Demon- strating fiscal responsibility. Barack Obama. Half-black presi- dent demonstrates America ready to be Afro-curious. People still freak- ing out. “Born in Kenya.” No, he wasn’t. He was born in Honolulu. In a manger. Dick Cheney. Accidentally shot a guy in the face with a gun and got the victim to apol- ogize. Then again, who among us hasn’t mis- taken a 78-year-old lawyer wearing an orange vest for an immense quail? Sarah Palin. For those of us going cold turkey on George Bush, the former governor of Alaska is like a double dose of methadone. Will Durst Raging Moderate Weapons of Mass Destruc- tion. President Bush was mis- led into thinking Iraq had WMDs because he was pro- vided with faulty intelligence. Yeah, DNA is a bummer. Turns out it wasn’t Iraq with the WMD, it wasn’t Iraq with ties to Al Qaeda: it was Iran. We were so close. Probably just a clerical error. George W. Bush. If Reagan and Quayle had a kid. A Wheel of For- tune President in a Jeopardy world. For eight wonderful years, he was the Full Employment Act for political comedy. And we welcome him back. San Francisco-based political comic Will Durst, who writes sometimes (this being a creditable example), fully expects the next decade to be as fertile, material-wise. Honestly, what's with all the crying on Capitol Hill? Judging by the flow of tears you'd think Republicans had recently suffered some kind of horrible defeat. Thanks to YouTube, just about everyone has seen how John Boehner, incoming House Speaker, cried uncon- trollably on “60 Minutes” when grilled by Lesley Stahl. As I recall, Boehner burst into tears when Stahl asked some- thing like, "Can we start tap- ing now?" But a smaller audience caught the scene on the Sen- ate floor just a few days ago when Mitch McConnell, the Republican leader, cried over the retirement of veteran law- maker Judd Gregg of New Hampshire. This was not the first time. Earlier this year, McConnell sobbed during a Senate speech about the departure of his longtime chief of staff. And now, about Gregg, McConnell kept snif- fling and wiping tears from his cheek as he spoke of his colleague’s service. Funny thing, none of the other senators were moved to tears as they honored Gregg. In fact, Gregg himself was quite composed in delivering his final goodbyes, so what's with the GOP leadership? Nancy Pelosi, who will yield her position to Boehner next month, has revealed that Boehner cries with some reg- ularity in private meetings when discussing legislation. Really? It’s one thing to cry under the pressure of national TV when Lesley Stahl asks, if memory serves, "Is that a new tie?" But sobbing in closed session at the Capitol? Gosh. Of course Glenn Beck, the Iron Man of Fox News Chan- nel, cries all the time on TV – it’s a recurring bit. But until the two top Republicans in Congress showed their weepy sides, it didn’t seem like a trademark among conserva- tive males. The whole thing is in rather stark contrast to the behavior of the GOP's most powerful woman, Sarah Palin, who goes on TV clubbing halibut and blasting caribou, while John Boehner cries uncontrol- lably when Lesley Stahl asks, "Can I bum a cigarette?" Presumably each time Palin goes on the rampage about how politicians need to "man up," she's referring to the leadership of her own party. Crying among politicians isn't unheard of, nor is it strictly a Repub- lican thing. Barack Obama shed tears in public when his grandma, who raised him, died on the eve of his election as president. George W. Bush sobbed on TV as he recounted his feelings for the vic- tims of 9/11. Histori- ans note that over a century ago, Lincoln and Douglas cried publicly on occasion during their famous presidential cam- paign. But Boehner, and now McConnell, seem to be taking crying to a whole new level. Worse, Boehner’s face gets all twisted up and distorted. It was so weird that Lesley Stahl had to laugh at one point, and then a while later tried to comfort Boehner by holding his hand. "This guy has an emotional problem," said Barbara Wal- ters, who’s somewhat of an expert on public waterworks, having made a sport of trying to get guests to sob on her shoulder during prime-time interviews. Walters’ pals on “The View” dubbed Boehner “Weeper of the House.” Peter Funt Not all observers are critical of Boehn- er’s softer side. Even the progressive MSNBC host Rachel Maddow defended his unchecked emo- tional displays, although she made quite a point of not- ing that it would be better if Boehner became as choked up over issues like unemployment, hunger and poverty, rather than soft-ball questions from Lesley Stahl. As I recall, Boehner burst into tears when Stahl asked, “Can you imagine what the writers at ‘Saturday Night Live’ are thinking right now?” Peter Funt is a writer and public speaker and maybe reached at www.candidcamera.com. Your officials STATE ASSEMBLYMAN — Jim Nielsen (R) State Capitol Bldg., Room 6031 Sacramento, CA 95814 (916) 319-2002; Fax (916) 319-2102 STATE SENATOR — Doug LaMalfa (R) State Capitol Bldg., Room 3063 Sacramento, CA 95814 (916) 651-4004; Fax (916) 445-7750 GOVERNOR — Arnold Schwarzenegger (R), State Capitol Bldg., Sacramento, CA 95814; (916) 445-2841; Fax (916) 558-3160; E-mail: gover- nor@governor.ca.gov. U.S. REPRESENTATIVE — Wally Herger (R), 2635 Forest Ave. Ste. 100, Chico, CA 95928; 893-8363. U.S.SENATORS — Dianne Feinstein (D), One Post Street, Suite 2450, San Francisco, CA 94104; (415) 393-0707. Fax (415) 393-0710. Barbara Boxer (D), 1700 Montgomery St., Suite 240, San Francisco, CA 94111; (415) 403-0100. Fax (202) 224- 0454.