Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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General Dreedle’s Nurse by PITT DICKEY To quote Captain Yossarian, “That was some catch, that Catch 22.” Last month was the Catch 22 of 2010. It was jam packed with kooky events and geo-political hijinx. The 11th month of 2010 will go down in the Old Farmer’s Almanac as a November for the ages. Indulge in a little November nostalgia before we become completely lost in the maelstrom of Christmas hyper-frolicking. November began with the Democrats becoming the dance band on the Titanic playing “Nearer My God to Thee” as their unsinkable electoral mandate of 2008 to change stuff around ran into an iceberg of cranky voters. The Prez is now facing a tea bag fl avored Congress in January while swimming in a chilly North Atlantic Ocean of sinking Congressional Democratic lame ducks. November ended with a Presidential basketball game with Obi taking an elbow to the mouth, collecting 12 stitches, and not passing Go to collect a Democratic House of Representatives. Keeping things interesting, the North Koreans chunked artillery shells at a South Korean island threatening the beginning of Korean War II, the Revengance in 3D. Some soreheads might point out that Korean War I never actually ended so this is just a resumption of hostilities, but we will leave that to history professors to sort out. The self appointed Information Super Hero running Wikileaks dumped 250,000 secret US diplomatic cables revealing such startling information that the Arab neighbors of Iran are not overjoyed with the prospect of a Persian nuclear bomb. The Arabs and the Israelis agree that Iran is the atomic skunk at the Middle Eastern picnic. Naturally nothing useful will occur despite Arab-Israeli agreement on Iran. The coolest factoid from the Wikileaks data dump was the cable revealing that Libyan Strong Dude Muammar el-Qaddafi doesn’t travel anywhere without his beautiful Ukranian nurse, Galyna Kolotnytska. The cable diplomatically described Galyna as a “voluptuous blonde.” The implication is Qaddafi is making whoopee with his nurse. This is just another case of life imitating art. As those of you of a certain age and literary experience may recall, in Joseph Heller’s novel Catch 22, Indulgence... What she really wants under the tree this year! Custom Spa Packages Custom Sk • Hair • Skin • Nails • Massage • Acupuncture • Teeth Whitening MI HWA’S S l Salon & Spa Sl &Spl&Sp WWW.MIHWAS.COM 6 UCW DECEMBER 8-14, 2010 260 Robeson St. • Fayetteville 910.423.4466 Gift Certificates Gift Certificates pa Packages Heated Patio Open 7 Days A Week! Come Enjoy One of Our COOL DRINK SPECIALS $2 Wells and $2 MON $2.50 $2 Wells and $3 Lemon Drops $1 Wells and $1 WED $2 $3 Jager $2 Wells Live Music Saturdays Featuring Eric Newsome and special guests US Army General Dreedle traveled with his very attractive nurse who was always referred to as “General Dreedle’s Nurse.” Yossarian fell in love with General Dreedle’s Nurse and moaned whenever he saw her. Soon The National Enquirer will have a picture of the lovely Galyna on its cover with the breathless caption, “Muammar Caught in Love Triangle.” Mrs. Qaddafi has already retained celebrity lawyer Gloria Allred to bring a divorce action against Mr. Qaddafi seeking half of Muammar’s oil wells, weapons of mass destruction and camel herds. All of these unsettling events have left Americans wondering what fresh Hell will arise next. November’s turmoil has left us between the devil and the deep bleu cheese. Is nothing certain? Is there no rock of stability upon which we can bang our collective heads? Does everything change? Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus of Stability. I say, “If you read it in the Up & Coming Weekly it must be so.” Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus of Stability. He exists as certainly as love, generosity and marijuana exist. His name is Willie Nelson and every year he gets arrested for possession of pot. In the midst of all this uncertainty, Willie brings us back to some semblance of normalcy by repeating his annual drug bust. Willie got busted at the end of November for riding in his tour bus with a cloud of marijuana smoke and six ounces of pot. Cops searching Willie’s tour bus for pot is like baiting a fi eld for deer or shooting fi sh in a barrel. It just doesn’t seem very sporting. The six ounces was just intended for Willie’s personal use before breakfast. While events seem to be spinning wildly out of control, Willie reminds us that some things are eternal. How dreary the world would be if there were no Willie Nelson. No Willie Nelson! Thank God! He lives and he lives forever. A thousand years from now he will continue to redden the eyes of his band mates and crave pizza and Oreos. Free Willie! PITT DICKEY, Contributing Writer. COMMENTS? Editor@upandcomingweekly.com. WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM Game Plan Saturdays ESPN Sunday Ticket NFL