Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/20979
Tuesday, December 7, 2010 – Daily News – 3B FEATURES In-law’s invite irritating Dear Annie: I am at the end of my rope. My mother-in- law is a wonderful, giving person, and I care for her. But she does not seem to understand bound- aries. Last weekend, my daughter and her family came for a visit. I wanted to spend some time alone with them and invited my in-laws to drop by later in the afternoon to see the grandchildren. My mother-in-law showed up two hours early and brought a friend. When I reminded her of the time, she said she would wait in the front yard until I was ready. That was annoying enough, but she then informed me that she wanted to show her friend our house. Annie, our house was in no condition to have people wandering through it, and I told her so. Despite my objections, she barged right ahead. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I need to make it clear that this is my house and she needs to respect my decisions. My daughter says I need to be firmer. My husband has asked me not to say anything when these things happen, and he refuses to tell his moth- er when she has overstepped. Now what? — Mi Casa, not Su Casa Dear Su Casa: Your husband should speak to his mother and ask her to be more respectful, but since he won’t do it, you will have to. Your Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar daughter is right. You need to be more forceful, but do so with extreme polite- ness. If she shows up with a friend for a guided tour, stop her at the door, smile apologetically and say, ‘‘I’m so sorry, but we are not prepared for company. I wish you had called ahead.’’ Regard- less of Mom’s protestations, stick to your guns. She will be angry, but she won’t do it again. You will get the boundaries you want, although we can- not guarantee your relationship will be the same. The choice is yours. Dear Annie: My wife and I are members of a private country club. On Mother’s Day, we invited our extended family for dinner there. Our 30-year- old grandson came dressed in worn-out jeans and a work shirt thrown over a muscle shirt. As hosts, would it be proper to ask him not to dress this way in the future? At our old country club, the manager would have asked him to leave, but that’s not the case here. We’d like to invite the family for the holidays, but we are — Embarrassed in North Car- olina Dear Embarrassed: It is perfectly OK to tell a grandchild (or his parents) that you would appreciate it if all guests would dress appropriately for the occa- sion. Not everyone understands what that entails, so be sure to specify what you mean. Dear Annie: I read the letter from ‘‘Lonely and Spiritually Dead,’’ who has been married for 35 years but has- n’t been intimate for the past 21. He offered to give his wife everything if she would just sign the divorce papers, but after three years, nothing has hap- pened. Please tell him that he has choices other than staying miserable or ‘‘filing for a standard divorce that will drag on forever, making only the attor- neys rich.’’ He could choose the collab- orative law process. Collaborative law is a grassroots movement that has been growing at a rapid pace. He can find out about it through the website at collabora- tivepractice.com. Collaborative law is about preserv- ing important relationships and avoid- ing the destructive consequences of the traditional adversarial litigation process, while helping to transition the family members through a difficult time in a more affirming way. It’s pri- vate, cost-effective and can produce amazingly healing results. Every state has collaborative practi- tioners. Please urge all of your readers to look into it before filing for divorce. — Canton, Mass. Dear Canton: The International Academy of Collaborative Profession- als includes legal, mental health and financial professionals. It also offers mediation, which can be less damaging than the usual adversarial divorce. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W.Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. The best 10 singles of 2010 (MCT) 10. Deerhunter — "Heli- copter" Who better than Deer- hunter to make a song about a murdered Russian prosti- tute sound positively tri- umphant? Their astounding "Halcyon Digest" is full of hazy pop hammered togeth- er in a junkyard studio, yet it's the ethereal "Helicopter" that cuts the deepest. 9. Gogol Bordello — "Pala Tute" The joy of sex is rarely so joyously — and unmistak- ably — captured as it is in this happiest, heart-pound- ing, butt-shaking of songs. Eugene Hutz's rough voice, rooted in Romani, belies his experience in this area, but the subject matter of the song is a boy just on the precipice of this brain-bend- ing discovery, and oh, gawd, he's eager to dive in. 8. Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti — "Round and Round" The lead single and best song off of Pink's "Before Today" and the best song in his expansive oeuvre, "Round and Round" seems at first listen to be the kind of song that causes jaded music critics to lament, as Greg Kihn once said, "They don't write 'em like that any- more." 7. Big Boi — "Shutter- bugg" "Shutterbugg" is a four- minute smash that pushes the boundaries of the 21st century Southern funk that Big Boi has pioneered as half of OutKast and a key member of the Dungeon Family in subtle, but signifi- cant ways. 6. LCD Soundsystem — "Dance Yrself Clean" If "This Is Happening" does indeed prove, as promised, to be James Mur- phy's swansong, "Dance Yrself Clean" provides spe- cific instructions as to how to properly mourn LCD Soundsystem. 5. Kanye West — "Power" On "Power," when Kanye West raps "for my inner child I'm fighting for custody," he is referring pre- cisely to the same element of the id that Bob Dylan spoke of reclaiming during his infamous 1963 ECLC Tom Paine Award accep- tance speech and on the bril- liant "My Back Pages." 4. The National — "Bloodbuzz, Ohio" Matt Berninger is acting out in some pretty awkward ways. Flashing lovers from the foot of their bed, going face down on a car hood. Of all his peculiar lyrics, this set may be the strangest. His speaker seems to go all over the place — from odd lone- liness to worries over debt — but it all becomes clear when he drops that word: "Bloodbuzz." This isn't some typical drunk; this is a bone-deep malady, some- thing permanent. 3. Arcade Fire — "Sprawl II" A bouncy ditty at the end of the Arcade Fire's mam- moth third album, "The Suburbs," "Sprawl II" is a pleasant surprise. Though the record is stuck in the muck of suburban plight and existential quandaries, "Sprawl II" sounds positive- ly jubilant in spite of — or because of — these themes. The song slowly unfolds as Regine Chassagne's voice leaps from the desperate cir- cumstances she sings about, peaking with an emotional- ly rapturous chorus that informs the best of the band's songs. 2. Janelle Monae — "Tightrope" When Janelle Monae closes her live performances with "Tightrope," it's no mere act of coincidence that someone comes on stage to place a cape over her while she's belting — a direct homage to James Brown that is both fitting and earned, as Monae has posi- tively busted her hump to get to that moment. Effort- lessly mixing one of the funkiest bass lines this side of Daptone Records with a swinging horn section and scat-like vocals, this song is an empowerment anthem, a dance craze, and the high- light of your day all at once. Monae's expertly calculated vocal delivery allows her to fit in as many verses as she can without ever fully tip- ping over into rap, although when OutKast's Big Boi steps in with a verse of his own, the transition is seam- less. When you add it all up, "Tightrope" isn't merely the song that pushed Monae closer to the mainstream, but instead the one song that proved that in 2010, genre was almost a tertiary consid- eration to the average listen- er. You can call it pop, you can call it soul, you can call it funk, rap, retro-revival- ism, or just about anything else, but just make sure you call it by what it really is: hands down one of the greatest singles released all year. 1. Cee-Lo Green — "F**k You" We were all one nation under a "F**k You" in 2010, as Cee-Lo Green brought the fresh decade its first real anthem with his sugar rush of cheerful pro- fanity, exuberant classic R&B homage and endlessly relatable (and even warmly empathetic) sentiment. Credit Green's impeccable pop smarts as much as any novelty factor, the ease with which he condenses a half- century of heartbroken laments from Motown to Kanye into an instant clas- sic. Mark my words, your grandchildren will be singing along to this one. 12 24 TEN10 Rare autoimmune disorder is stubborn DEAR DR. GOTT: How do you get pem- phigus vulgaris? My young relative has been diagnosed with this condition. He has been sick since November 2009 and can’t seem to get well. What should we expect? DEAR READER: Pemphigus is a rare autoimmune skin disorder that causes skin or mucus- membrane blisters of the mouth or genitals that tend to rupture easily, leaving open lesions that can become infected. Pemphi- gus can occur in people of any age but is most common in those of Jewish or Middle Eastern descent. While it’s commonly a chronic condi- tion, it can be controlled best with early diagnosis and treatment. The immune system of a healthy person attacks harmful viruses and bacte- ria. In the case of pemphi- gus, the immune system gets confused and produces antibodies that attack healthy cells of the skin and mucus membranes. Com- plications include skin infection from the open lesions and sepsis. The con- dition is known to be a side effect of specific medica- tions such as some of those for controlling blood pres- sure. Pemphigus can be diffi- cult to diagnose because symptoms are similar to those of other conditions. A doctor may rub a patch of healthy skin with a finger or swab in the area of a lesion. If the top layers of the skin shear off, a patient may have pemphigus. He or she may choose to order a skin biop- sy. The biopsy may involve staining the tissue with a flu- orescent dye in an attempt to identify the antibodies. There are three forms of the condition — paraneoplastic pemphigus, pemphigus foli- aceus and pemphigus vul- garis. The paraneoplastic form affects the skin, mouth, lips and esophagus and is associated with can- cer. The foliaceus type com- monly begins on the face and scalp, and may appear on the chest and back. Lesions may itch and crust but are not generally painful. Pemphigus vulgaris Dr. Peter Gott is the most com- mon form of the disorder. Blisters that form within the mouth or throat make eat- ing and swallow- ing difficult. Treatment is geared toward preventing com- plications and reducing symp- toms. Corticosteroids, antivirals, antifungals, antibiotics and immunosup- pressants are often pre- scribed. There are potential complications with long- term steroid use, such as cataracts, glaucoma, elevat- ed blood-sugar levels and bone loss. Immunosuppres- sants are designed to keep the malfunctioning immune system from attacking healthy tissue. Drugs in this category carry serious side effects, including an increased risk of infection. Antivirals, antibiotics and antifungals are prescribed by a physician for the pur- pose of preventing or con- trolling infection. Severe cases may require hospitalization because of the possibility of infection. It may be necessary to initi- ate IV feeding or to remove plasma from blood to elimi- nate the antibodies attacking the skin. In this process, the plasma is replaced with either IV fluids or donated plasma. Treatment of one type or another is often so successful that all lesions heal and the patient recuper- ates fully. However, other patients may require low doses of medication for an indefinite period of time. On the home front, a patient should avoid ultravi- olet sunlight, because it can trigger new outbreaks of blistering. Avoid contact sports and other activity that could cause trauma to the skin. Talcum powder sprin- kled on bed linens can keep oozing lesions from sticking and causing further trauma. Acidic and spicy foods, gar- lic, onions and leeks should be eliminated from the diet, because they can aggravate blisters and even cause them to appear. If corticosteroids are prescribed, a patient should speak with his or her physician regarding supple- mental calcium and vitamin D or other nutrients. ‘Tis the Season Food Drive! December 7, 2010 Raley’s Supermarket (In the parking lot) 2pm until 8pm our community’s food pantry can continue feeding local (hungry) families and individuals! 12/24 TV will be doing a LIVE BROADCAST from the Raley’s parking lot. Thank You, Red Bluff, for your generous support of this event. We could not do it without you. In the past, local businesses, service clubs, churches, schools, Government agencies and people in our community have made this event a success. WE WILL NEED AT LEAST 7 VOLUNTEERS FROM 2PM TO 4PM AND 20 VOLUNTEERS FROM 4PM TO 8PM to receive & sort the donated food and to clean up. Contributions may be sent to: The Salvation Army PO Box 935, Red Bluff, CA 96080 www.redbluffsalarmy.org Bring canned goods to fill the trailer so