Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/19403
Wednesday, November 10, 2010 – Daily News – 5A FEATURES Ally’s accommodations aren’t affordable Dear Annie: My friend ‘‘Janet’’ booked some dis- counted hotel rooms through an online auction. One of them was a two- bedroom suite for two nights, which she booked with me in mind, hoping I would share it with her for an upcoming occasion. Janet doesn’t have any children at home, but I have two teenagers and a husband. When she first asked me about this, I told her it sounded like fun, but I’d have to check my calendar. Three weeks ago, I informed her that I simply couldn’t manage it. She was so upset that I rescheduled some appointments in order to spend one night with her, and she said she’d stay the second with her husband. The next morning, I asked what Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar need to pay her, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. You are under no obligation to pay for more than you agreed to. Resentment can also damage the friendship, so you may as well tell Janet that it is unfair for her to charge you for a room she wanted but you didn’t, and that you will pay half of what she is asking. Next time, say ‘‘no’’ more emphatically. Dear Annie: My hus- I owed her, and she named an amount that covered half the bill for both nights. When I said it should only cost me for one night, she replied, ‘‘After I bought this, you said you would stay with me, so you should have to pay for half of the total bill.’’ Annie, I never asked Janet to buy this package, and I was really put out that I had to leave my responsibilities at home to accom- modate her. Janet is a good friend, but I am miffed. What should I do? — Resentful Dear Resentful: If you gave Janet the impression that you would stay both nights, then you band and I have been married 21 years. The problem is, he texts me all day long. He has lots of alone time at his job. I am a homemaker, and even with the kids in school, I still have many things to do during the day. My husband starts texting me at 6:30 a.m. and doesn’t stop until he gets home at 4. Worse, he gets upset if I don’t text back. This drives me crazy. He says I’m pushing him away, because if I don’t care to talk to him, it means I don’t love him. I’ve explained that his constant texting stresses me out, and I don’t understand why he is so insecure that he must be in touch nonstop. I have also told him that texting so often means we run out of things to say in person. I do love him. How can I get him to stop? — Text-Stalker’s Wife Dear Wife: Your husband is bored and has a toy that allows him to behave like a toddler and demand your undivided attention. When you don’t respond, he feels like the unpopular kid at school and freaks out. You need to train him to expect less contact. Here’s one suggestion: Start by respond- ing to every other message, adding a ‘‘Sorry’’ at the beginning. Then make it every third message, and so on, until he won’t be surprised to get only a few texts from you each day. If he gets worse, howev- er, it could be considered abusive and will require counseling. Dear Annie: This is in response to ‘‘Bettendorf, Iowa,’’ who was concerned about children playing in the street. My teenage children know to watch for little kids. My neighbors also watch their children, but as an added safety measure have purchased orange traffic cones to alert all dri- vers that children are playing in the street. This might work for Bettendorf’s neighborhood. She could even purchase them herself. It seems worth the expense. I am thankful my neighbors care enough to do this, as the cones create an immediate brake pedal reaction. And it provides the opportunity for a friendly wave. — R.R. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. The sandwich generation Life is taking a big bite out of the "Sandwich Gen- eration." If you're a boomer, it's more likely than ever that you're helping with the care of both your aging parents and your adult children. You're the "meat" in the middle of the sandwich -- and the center is getting thin. A new survey done by Zogby International for Generation Mortgage (a reverse mortgage company) shows that baby boomers are among the hardest hit by this recession. Nearly half of those polled had either lost a job or taken a cut in pay or benefits in the past two years. As a result, 17 percent had been unable to make a mortgage or rent payment on time. Yet, if you're the boomer in your family, you're the one everyone looks to for help. Your adult kids, grad- uating from college with huge student loan debt and few job prospects, are mov- ing back in. They may col- lide with a grandparent who reluctantly moved into your home when their money ran out, or they needed some care and assistance. Finally, the boomer gen- eration has found a use for that huge house on which they overspent a decade ago. Now if they can only keep up with the mortgage! This is a tough position for American families that planned for a different lifestyle. But it is not with- out precedent. A hundred years ago it was common for three generations to live under one roof -- an old lifestyle that may be forced into a comeback. But 100 years ago, Americans did not have to plan for a 25-year period of retirement. People worked harder at physical labor, wore out faster and didn't have modern medicine (with all its costs) to help them live longer. So the question for the Sandwich Generation is how to manage this squeeze. It's no longer a Fibromyalgia? Please call Suffering With (530) 529-6544 Rory Lengtat, D.C. cute term designed to make you smile. Now the reces- sion is taking a big bite. Face reality. The hardest advice to take is the most basic. You need to face up to the reality of your posi- tion -- and the fact that it might not be tem- porary. That is, you might be helping your parents for the rest of their lives, and it might be a while until your adult kids find a job. Change your time horizon. Make a plan -- and share it. It does no good to pre- tend that things are really the same for anyone in this sandwich. A family discus- sion is required -- but first you need to make your own financial plan, since you're presumably the ones with the money and the assets, which is why everyone thinks you can fix things. Create priorities. The Zogby poll shows that 73 percent of the Sand- wich Generation has cut back on entertainment and eating out, while 43 percent has decreased overall spending on basic groceries. For sure, your everyday lifestyle will change when you take on the responsibil- ity of another generation. But you must take an honest look at whose needs come first. Top priority -- yourself. Keeping your own ship afloat is the top priority, without which and despite all your good intentions, you can't help anyone else. So you need to make a household budget allowing everyone to share the bur- den. Adult kids can and should pay some room and board. Grandma will cer- tainly share her Social Security check. It's like the airlines' announcement: Put on your facemask first, before helping others. Aging parents. Be sure to check into available programs in your community that can help your elderly parents -- if not KWIK KUTS Family Hair Salon WITH COUPON REGULAR HAIRCUT Senior & Child Reg. $12.95 PERM OR COLOR Not good with other offers 1064 South Main St., Red Bluff • 529-3540 $200 $500 Expires 10/31/10 Reg. $55.00 off & Up off Reg. $13.98 financially, at least by giv- ing them some resources to spend time with others of their generation in an elder day care program. You're not doing Grand- pa any favors by letting him go to his room and watch TV. Your children. Sorry, but your priorities have turned upside down -- and your kids are not likely to understand. You've spent your life putting them first, making sure they got to col- lege. Now they have student parents who saved enough, and have kids who got the good jobs, reach out to someone else in your fami- ly or neighbor- hood who is on the edge. You won't have to look far if you open your eyes. And even Terry Savage The Savage loans and no jobs. But this is their problem to solve - - and the most you can offer is a roof over their head until they figure out how to move out. Never dig into your own retirement funds, or take out a mortgage loan, to repay your kids' student loans. Have a family discus- sion. There's no reason for you to be the only one wor- ried about your finances. After you've sorted out your priorities and taken a realis- tic look at the available money, sit down at the kitchen table and share your worries -- and your hopes. With everyone aware of the reality, you might be sur- prised at the solutions they contribute. We've become so insular that these tough times might teach us the value of inter-generational living. It's tough running a three-generation household, especially when you're financially squeezed. Com- munity agencies report that the number of people using food pantries has more than doubled. Older people must choose between food and medicines. Swallow your pride, and ask for help. And if you're one of those fortunate Americans who have job security, have Truth on Money showing your concern in a small way will be a big help -- dropping off a basket of gro- ceries, offering to drive a senior to a doctor's appoint- ment or giving a low-paying entry job at your com- pany to a neigh- bor's struggling graduate. There is no doubt that we are in the toughest times since the Great Depression. But our grandparents and great- grandparents made it through. And we will, too. That's the Savage Truth. Terry Savage is a registered investment adviser and is on the board of the Chicago Mercantile Exchange.She can be reached at www.terrysavage.com. Are two flu shots appropriate? DEAR DR. GOTT: We had the H1N1 flu shot at our doc- tor’s office earli- er this year. Now we see H1N1 is in the flu shot for this coming sea- son. Is it safe to take it again? Or should we try and get the single flu shot if possible? DEAR READER: To Dr. Peter Gott my knowledge, there is no single flu shot, so I believe it is appropriate for you to receive a sea- sonal-flu injection. My reasoning is that season- al flu covers different strains that you wouldn’t be immunized against if you didn’t have the 2010 injection. What you received earlier this year was specifically for H1N1. To be on the safe side and because I don’t know your age, allergies or health history, you should clear this with your primary-care physician before being immunized. The swine-flu pan- demic began in April 2009 and took more than 18,000 lives worldwide, according to Fox News, which also reported the governments of North America and Europe dumped their vaccines after finding their shelves were full of unused serum and sup- plies that were about to expire. Conservative skeptics held back and simply didn’t get immu- nized. France also felt the threat of a pandemic was an overestimation. Germany ended up with 34 million doses of vac- cine from manufactur- ers, with very little used. That said, the World Health Organization believes the 2009 H1N1 viruses will continue to spread in many parts of the world for years to come. The 2010 to 2011 sea- sonal-influenza vaccine will protect against the H3N2 virus, influenza B virus and the 2009 H1N1 virus. Those who had H1N1 or the vaccine last year can safely receive the seasonal-flu vaccine this year. DEAR DR. GOTT: It is definitely better for some vitamins and min- erals to be taken with food at mealtimes, but other food supplements must be taken on an empty stomach. You can also take smaller amounts of some vita- mins and minerals between meals, with water, and get a bigger punch from them. For me, it’s better to take mineral capsules, tablets or pow- ders with lunch or supper than it is for breakfast, when my stom- ach enzymes aren’t strong enough to digest them well. The minerals give me a stomachache. Also, never take a multi-B vit- amin before bedtime or you won’t get to sleep. See, it all depends! DEAR READER: You certainly appear to have done your home- work. I could not find confirmation for some of your claims, such as multi-B at bedtime caus- ing insomnia; however, each of us responds dif- ferently to medication, even over-the-counters. Remember that vitamins and minerals are essen- tial nutrients, but the body typically only requires small amounts of them. Readers should speak with their physicians before beginning a regi- men, because a well-bal- anced, nutritious diet rich in fresh fruits and vegetables will likely be all that is required to maintain good health. Furthermore, read labels to determine whether a medication or supplement should be taken with food or with- out, or in the morning or at bedtime. To provide related information, I am send- ing you a copy of my Health Report “Vitamins and Minerals.” Other readers who would like a copy should send a self-addressed stamped No. 10 envelope and a $2 check or money order made payable to Newsletter, and mailed to Newsletter, P.O. Box 167, Wickliffe, OH 44092-0167. Be sure to mention the title or print an order form off my website at www.AskDrGottMD.co m. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com. 645 Main St., Red Bluff • 529-2482 We’re now booking gourmet catering for your Holiday Parties Call us to get a quote, or book your party www.californiakitchencompany.com