Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/193314
Wednesday, October 16, 2013 – Daily News 3B FEATURES Alzheimer's cargivers can find their own peace stances can. Here DEAR DOCare a few examTOR K: I do my ples: best to care for my — Guilt. When mother, who has your loved one Alzheimer's dishas Alzheimer's, ease. But I often the guilt can seem feel guilty and endless. You feel frustrated. Can guilty that you you help me change my outDr. K don't visit often enough, or that look — for my by Anthony L. sake and my Komaroff, M.D. you don't do enough. You feel mother's? DEAR READER: For- guilty about things that tunately, I never had to you did or didn't do face the challenge that before the disease took you face, as my parents over. When you experiboth died while in full ence guilt, ask yourself: possession of their facul- In what ways can I ties. But many of my replace my guilt with patients and friends are awareness of the good experiencing what you things that I'm doing for are going through. And my loved one? — The present like you, they often feel Experience guilty and judge them- moment. what's happening right selves harshly. The sad truth is that now, without labeling or today there is little any- judging it. Don't dwell on one can do to fully pre- the past or worry about vent the slow decline of the future. Enjoy the view someone afflicted with from wherever you stand. Alzheimer's. As I look at It decreases worry and the status of research on stress. — Moments of joy. the disease, I'm an optimist. I think some power- During the most trying ful ways to prevent and times, we sometimes find treat the disease may well moments of joy. With such be discovered in the next Alzheimer's, moments may be small 20 to 30 years. As a caregiver, there is but significant: a smile of Your only so much you can do. understanding. cooperation And even when you're mother's doing everything right, a while getting dressed. A person who is not in her caress that takes you right mind may not appre- back to earlier years. ciate what you're doing. Hang on to these When that person is moments by keeping a someone you love, that's journal describing the times when you feel a really hard to deal with. In her helpful new strong sense of joy. book, "Mindfulness Sup- Describe what made the port for Alzheimer's moment so joyful. Be a source of reassurCaregivers," my Harvard Medical School colleague ance and what you think Dr. Gail Gazelle helps may be happy memories. guide caregivers back to Touch your mother the physical and emotional way you always have. health so that they can Sing a song she loved, continue to care for their and try to get her to join loved ones while preserv- you. When you remind ing their own well-being. her of what she loved, you You can learn more about can bring both of you a the book, and also order measure of peace. it, on my website: Dr. Komaroff is a AskDoctorK.com. Dr. Gazelle offers lots physician and professor Harvard Medical of practical advice, tips at To send and exercises to help you School. go to reframe your thoughts. questions, AskDoctorK.com, or Your circumstances might not change, but your abil- write: Ask Doctor K, 10 ity to control the way you Shattuck St., Second experience your circum- Floor, Boston, MA 02115. Woman wants relationship with guy riage.'' Relationships don't Dear Annie: I have been come with guarantees. Only in a relationship with a time will help you decide. wonderful guy for a year. But until there is a commitWe are in our mid-20s. ment in place, we suggest Both of us are interested in that you not build your moving abroad in the near choices around his. Do future. whatever is best for you. When we started dating, Dear Annie: Several we just wanted to have fun. I have since graduated and Annie's years ago, I was cut out of the life of a family member I am currently working. He had previously been close to. is also a graduate, but has yet to find a job. The prob- by Kathy Mitchell No explanation, nothing. lem is, I have begun to real- and Marcy Sugar Suddenly I'm persona non grata. I tried to talk to her ly care for him and want to change our status from ''just dat- and asked what I had done. I told ing'' to ''in a relationship.'' Howev- her that if she would just discuss it er, he still doesn't want to take that with me, I would apologize, if necstep. He says it's because he hasn't essary, although I won't apologize started his career yet. He also thinks for something I don't know I've we are too young to be thinking done. I just found out that this person is about marriage, and I agree with that. I'm not interested in marrying now a grandmother. I posted a conin the next few years, but I do want gratulatory message on her Faceto be in a relationship with someone book page, and now I'm blocked. for a few years before I start think- When the rift occurred, I asked my parents to intervene and find out ing about marriage. This has left me wondering what was wrong. They refused, saywhether I should take it down a ing they didn't want to get involved. notch and enjoy whatever time we I asked my ex-friend's parents and have left together, or walk away. — was told it wasn't any of their business. I tried writing this person and Confused and Sad Dear Confused: If you've been asking for an explanation. No dating for a year, you are already response. I no longer care to reconcile, but ''in a relationship'' whether he acknowledges it or not. He believes I would still like an explanation. — making it official is akin to a pre- Too Late To Try Again Dear Too: We're sorry you have engagement, and he's not ready for that. If you enjoy being with him, been stonewalled, but this is not feel free to continue and use the uncommon. Of course, it would be time to ''start thinking about mar- nice if she would tell you why Mailbox you've been cut off, giving you the opportunity to explain or apologize. And there is nothing wrong with giving a blanket apology, not necessarily for wrongdoing, but for somehow damaging the relationship, even unintentionally. But too many people believe that spelling out the reason would be more damaging than silence, or they may subscribe to the mind-reading school, thinking you should ''know'' the reason. The fact that no other person will intercede on your behalf indicates there is little hope of reconciliation or of finding the explanation you desire. Accept it and move on. Dear Annie: Tell ''Trying To Get Granny To Shower'' that for around $200, Granny's bathtub can be made safe and easy. A shower seat is just the beginning. Add a hose extension to the showerhead so she can direct the flow where she wants it and not have water get in her face. Then install a pole that extends from floor to ceiling just outside the tub so she can hold on as she gets in and out. I ordered mine through a well-known drugstore. — Marsha, Age 76 Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. Slash the high cost of gas I can sum up my response to the high cost of gasoline in just one word: Aargh! While waiting for prices to come down (do you think they ever will?), don't sit around complaining all the while paying through the nose to drive your car. Do something about it! There are lots of things you can do to increase the number of miles you can squeeze out of each gallon of gas, effectively reducing its cost. Here are a few: Empty the trunk. The heavier the car, the harder the engine must work to move it around. The harder the engine works, the more fuel it burns. So unload all that other stuff you've been carrying around in the trunk for no good reason (please, leave the spare tire and emergency equipment). It's a trunk, not a mini-storage unit. Unload and you could easily increase your gas mileage by as much as 10 percent. Check tire inflation. Get into the habit of checking tire pressure every time you fill up but when the tires are cold. The recommended PSI, pounds of pressure per square inch, is written right on the tire itself. Under inflated the week, plan ahead. Run all of your tires cause the engine to work errands at the same time, in one longer harder than necessary; over trip rather than making many small inflation causes tires to wear trips all week long. Once your car is warmed up, it operates more efficientprematurely. ly, which means with better Clean the air filgas mileage. ter. One of the Repair, maintain. Transmain causes of low mission torque converter gas mileage is a dirty air clutch failure results in poor filter. If yours cannot be gasoline mileage, as does cleaned, replace it and transmission slipping, a repeat often. Check with a stuck choke plate and leakknowledgeable profesing injectors. Wow, that realsional at an auto parts store ly sounds like I'm know that or your mechanic about I'm talking about doesn't it? how often to clean or I'm no auto mechanic, but replace the air filter on Mary I've learned from so many of your particular model. my readers who are that it This is a task you can pays to find a good mechanprobably do yourself. ic you can trust and then trust Lighten the lead foot. him. Maintenance is less Drive as if there is a raw costly than repairs. egg positioned right under Increasing your gas the gas pedal. Your mismileage by only 10 percent is sion is to accelerate so gently that you do not break the egg. the equivalent of getting one free fillSudden acceleration and lead foot up every tenth visit to the filling stasyndrome is the biggest of all fuel tion. Not bad! The secret is to redirect that savings to some other use before thieves. Bundle your errands. Instead of it gets absorbed into your regular making many small trips every day of spending. Hunt Everyday Cheapskate Civil Air Patrol open house draws interested teens Civil Air Patrol Composite Squadron 126 held an open house on Aug. 29, which was well attended by adults and children 12 to18. Attendees enjoyed munching on cookies and pizza, viewing the model rocket display, operating the airplane flight simulator and listening to a presentation by two of the cadets. Cadet Master Sgt. Wecker and 2nd Lt. Samuel Reynolds gave an interesting presentation about how much the Civil Air Patrol means to them and how much they have learned from their years attending the CAP meetings, increases the starting rank of recruits when joining the Armed Services. Two airplanes were exhibited outside. A Cessna 182, which is the same model most often used in Civil Air Patrol missions, and a Pieten- bivouacs, and special outings. One of the most exciting recent excursions was to Travis Air Force Base to ride in a KC-10 Extender. 18-foot-long sea creature found off Calif. coast LOS ANGELES (AP) — A marine science instructor snorkeling off the Southern California coast spotted something out of a fantasy novel: the silvery carcass of an 18foot-long, serpent-like oarfish. Jasmine Santana of the Catalina Island Marine Institute needed more than 15 helpers to drag the giant sea creature with eyes the size of half dollars to shore on Sunday. Staffers at the institute are calling it the discovery of a lifetime. ''We've never seen a fish this big,'' said Mark Waddington, senior captain of the Tole Mour, CIMI's sail training ship. ''The last oarfish we saw was three feet long.'' Because oarfish dive more than 3,000 feet deep, sightings of the creatures are rare and they are largely unstudied, according to CIMI. The obscure fish apparently died of natural causes. Tissue samples and video footage were sent to be studied by biologists at the University of California, Santa Barbara. Santana spotted something shimmering about 30 feet deep while snorkeling during a staff trip in Toyon Bay at Santa Catalina Island, about two dozen miles from the mainland. Wecker and Reynolds also discussed the positive information a cadet earns to enter on job applications and how CAP participation pol Air Camper (1930s design built in 1984). The program was closed by the Cadets Flag Ceremony. The Civil Air Patrol Cadet Program is open to youth ages 12 through 18. Additionally, there are volunteer opportuni- ties for adults, pilots and non-pilots alike. For more information, call Major Stephen Oppenheim at 530 2269 5 3 0 , (sq126cc@cawg.cap.go v), Lt. David Cassados at 530-514-9239 or go to GoCivilAirPatrol.com.