Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/19134
Friday, November 5, 2010 – Daily News – 5A FEATURES Ostracize offspring over outbursts Dear Annie: I’ve known my 26-year-old stepdaughter, ‘‘Monica,’’ since she was 5. She never spent much time with her father, but when the first grandchild was born, she came by more often because she wanted a babysitter. Her dad and I were together 21 years before he passed away six months ago. Now when I hear from Monica, all she wants to do is rehash everything that happened at the end of her father’s life. She harangues me about difficult choic- es I had to make, even though my husband and I discussed those things in advance. I still have two children at home and work full time, and I am trying to deal with my own grief. Monica’s attitude makes it hard to stay in con- tact. I know she is grieving, too, but I think she feels guilty for not spending more time with her dad before it was too late. She hurt him a great deal over the years. I’m sure Monica is angry that I haven’t called lately, but I just can’t deal with her. I do love her and our grandchild, but am I wrong to want some distance right now? — Still Grieving Dear Still: We understand that you want to avoid being assaulted by Monica. But please know that these things can take on a life of their own, and the relationship may not recover — even when you are ready. Because you love her and the grandchild, we recommend instead that you maintain minimal contact (as much as you can handle at a time) and urge Monica to get grief counseling. You might even offer to go with her. Dear Annie: My wife Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar and I have been happily mar- ried for 30 years without any major arguments, until now. Our 22-year-old daughter recently moved into an apartment and discovered that no pets were allowed. This meant her 9-year-old cocker spaniel, who is blind and incontinent, did not have a home. My wife offered to take the dog into our house, and it has been living with us for six weeks. I cannot tolerate the smell and the mess any longer. I told my wife the dog must leave. She said if the dog goes, she goes with it. I do not wish to end my marriage, but I cannot remain here with the dog. What should I do? — Solicitous Spouse Dear Spouse: Something more is going on if your wife of 30 years is willing to throw you over for a blind, incontinent dog she’s had for only six weeks. It’s possible she is reluctant to part with the animal because the dog is her link to her daughter. You need to talk to her and find out why she has put the dog first in your marriage. You might also enlist a neutral third party to referee. Or give your daughter a few months to find a new apartment that is dog friendly. Dear Annie: Your advice to ‘‘Shirley’’ regarding a 5-month-old, 12-pound baby whose mother kept him wrapped in a blanket most of the time was off the mark. Having worked as a child abuse/neglect investigator, I can tell you that if Shirley had contacted Child Protective Services, we would have opened an investigation based on Petey’s size alone. Keep- ing the baby wrapped tightly and napping most of the time also sets off alarm bells. If Petey is not given enough attention and stimulation, not to mention food, he could suffer lasting developmental delays or even starve to death. Petey is likely the victim of physical neglect. Shirley should immediately report Petey’s situation to her local Child Protective Ser- vices office. Whether or not the child is being neglected, CPS will likely offer Petey’s mother some assistance and monitor the family until the situation improves. — Concerned Social Worker Dear Social Worker: Depend- ing on the child’s birth weight, 12 pounds is not unreasonably low at five months. And Shirley is only guessing the actual weight. Petey sees the pediatrician regularly, and if he were failing to thrive, it would be noticed. We do agree, however, that the situation bears watching . Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. New Congress must face deficit Does it matter how Tuesday's vote turned out? Of course, it mat- ters that you vote. Other- wise, you haven't earned the right to complain about anything that Congress does -- or doesn't do -- in the next two years. But as the political ana- lysts examine the possibili- ties, the real ques- tion is whether it will make any differ- ence in the policies that will affect our economy in the next two years. The political possibil- ities are vast. The elec- tion could result in a Republican takeover of the House, and a possi- ble Republican majority in the Senate. There's even the long- shot possibility that the Tea Party candidates could split the Republi- can and independent votes, leaving the Democrats with more power than anyone anticipates. Then to complicate matters, no one really knows how the Obama administration will respond to the ultimate outcome. The result could be gridlock -- or compromise. But once the numbers have been counted, the impact on the economy could be dramatic. It's as if the financial system has been sitting on a see- saw, depending on where you come from. Right now, it is pretty well-bal- anced between the possi- bilities of future infla- tion and looming defla- tion. The stock market always hates uncertainty, so it has recently been poised between those two alternatives. The recent higher bias of the market (and gold) seems to point to an eventual inflationary resolution. The possibility of even Bring in this ad to receive $10 OFF* any *Regular Price. Must present ad at time of purchase Crossroads Feed & Ranch Supply 595 Antelope Blvd. Red Bluff, CA 95080 530-529-6400 Shopcrossroads.net 623 Main St. 527-5180 CLOTHING & ACCESSORIES ARRIVING DAILY! more deficit spending and stimulus makes stocks attractive in spite of the economy. After all, all of that money has to go somewhere. And the election's outcome will have an impact on the Fed- eral Reserve, as well. Now we all learned in Econ 101 that the Fed is not impacted by poli- tics. We did learn that, didn't we? But the Fed's governors and its chairman, Ben Bernanke, are not oblivi- ous to the outcome of this election. They're poised to print money -- or, as it's now called, "quantitative easing." If the Fed sus- pects that gridlock will be the political outcome of the election, they might be more inclined to buy bonds and create liquidity. After all, someone has to keep the economy from going down the deflationary drain. The really big ques- tions to be decided by this next Congress revolve around taxes, spending programs and trade. They may also revisit health care, and even financial reform. But the focal point of the debate should be our federal budget deficit. In the past two years, the deficit has jumped from $161 billion to $1.3 trillion. General spending has increased from less than 20 percent of our econo- my, our GDP, to more than 25 percent. It's not your imagina- tion that the government is quickly taking over our economy, much like crabgrass. And, like a weed, it blends in at first because it's all green. Only ultimately do you realize that it's destroyed the lawn. The key question fac- Local Established Business For Sale OR Partnership Opportunities ing the new Congress will be how to control the huge and growing national debt while we still have some credibility in the global economy. Will they enact policies that encourage the economy to grow its way out of debt? Those policies would reward invest- ment, entrepre- neurship and hard work. Or will the next Congress try to squeeze the fail- ing economy harder, exacting more taxes? Terry Savage The Savage It's certainly not clear that even a Republi- can majority will do the "right thing." After all, the last time the Repub- licans ran Congress they racked up huge deficits in the midst of a pretty good economy that had generated growing tax revenues. Truth on Money tant. But, don't just vote blindly out of party affil- iation, or to protest, or because of smarmy com- mercials being run by all of the can- didates. In many races, we haven't been given great choices. So once the electoral fer- vor ends, all Americans will have to stay involved and continue to speak up. Our future is at stake -- and that's certain- ly The Savage Truth. There's plenty of opportunity for change when the new Congress is seated in early 2011 -- and plenty of opportuni- ty for mischief when the current, lame-duck Con- gress meets again briefly in December. What do you think will happen? Is gridlock the best we can hope for? We're already on track for more slow growth and more deficits. Can we afford to not do anything for the next two years? Will the world let us get away with that kind of indeci- sive policy and contin- ued "quantitative easing" -- while they hold piles of dollars? The real question: Is there any chance of pro- ductive compromise to set our country on a bet- ter course? Your vote is impor- Terry Savage is a registered investment adviser and is on the board of the Chicago Mercantile Exchange. She can be reached at www.terrysavage.com. She is the author of the new book, "The New Savage Number: How Much Money Do You Really Need to Retire?" Cortisone-injection frequency up for debate DEAR DR. GOTT: Could you tell me how often someone can have corti- sone injections? My mother had some in her shoulders. They worked great, but now the pain and stiffness are back with a vengeance. Dr. Peter Gott DEAR READER: Cortisone can be inject- ed into joints such as the ankle, knee, shoulder and other areas to relieve pain and inflam- mation. They have been known to help osteoarthritis, gout, carpal-tunnel syndrome, bursitis, plantar fasciitis and a host of other con- ditions. About 30 years ago, corticosteroids were given with great regularity. Today, how- ever, a different approach is taken. Some physicians restrict a per- son to three injections a year, others to three in a lifetime. This has result- ed from research indi- cating that repeated injections can cause damage to tissues over time when given in excess quantities to one area of the body. One consideration is whether or not the injections work. If one or two are unsuccessful for reduc- ing pain, it’s rather unlikely that additional ones will respond any differently. Side effects include a cortisone flare, in which the injected material crystallizes, causing pain for up to two days that could be greater than what was experi- enced prior to the injec- tion. Tendons can be weakened, there can be pain at the injection site, and the color of the skin at the site can change. The most common sys- temic reaction is observed in diabetic patients, who should monitor their readings, because cortisone can cause a rise in blood- sugar levels. Long-term risks of high doses with frequent administration can include weight gain, facial puffiness, cataracts, osteoporosis, hypertension and rare but serious damage to the large joint bones, known as avascular necrosis. So, in answer to your question, your mother should return to her orthopedic surgeon or the physician who gave her the injections. If that specialist (who is familiar with her medical his- tory) feels strongly that no more should be administered, then I suggest you heed the warning. If, how- ever, your moth- er is aging, her quality of life is affected, and she cannot find relief from pain through other means, perhaps she will receive a favorable response. The pros and cons can be answered only by the person behind the nee- dle. To provide related information, I am send- ing you a copy of my Health Report “Osteo- porosis.” Other readers who would like a copy should send a self- addressed stamped No. 10 envelope and a $2 check or money order payable to Newsletter and mailed to Newsletter, P.O. Box 167, Wickliffe, OH 44092-0167. Be sure to mention the title. DEAR DR. GOTT: I am on your no-flour, no- sugar diet and using your cookbook. One recipe calls for dates. The dates I purchased have dex- trose in them. Is this ingredient a sugar that is taboo on your diet? DEAR READER: Dextrose, sucrose and glucose are all simple sugars. The primary dif- ference between all three is in the way the body metabolizes them. Some manufacturers and pack- ers for food-industry products prefer to use the word dextrose instead of sugar because the public is becoming more savvy and might not purchase a product if weight is an issue for them. Dates that are dried are usually packed in sugar as a flavor enhancer. Organic or natural-food stores may have alternatives without sugar added, but as it stands, the dates you purchased aren’t allowed. Check the packaging label to verify the packaging content. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com