Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/18988
Wednesday, November 3, 2010 – Daily News – 3B Glacial groom gets grating Dear Annie: How do I deal with being mar- ried to someone I simply do not like? After 15 years, I realize that I don’t enjoy being around my husband. I look forward to him leaving the house. It is hard for me to do anything for someone I feel nothing for. I am just going through the motions. Is this what mar- riage is supposed to be? My parents contented- ly spent time together, and I long for this in my own relationship. I want a companion. My hus- band is rarely home, and when he is, he spends hours on the phone with his buddies. He is friend- ly to them, but cold and defensive with me. He treats his parents the same way. I used to blame myself and get upset when he would ignore me, and we would fight because he would accuse me of being controlling. He said I was jealous that he was having fun and that I needed to make friends. I gave up asking for his attention and began behaving sweetly toward him, but he still treats me the same, and I don’t under- stand why. He gets defen- sive when I say some- thing completely inno- cent. It is like he is trying to get me to start an argu- ment, but I won’t. I don’t think he will change. I have to learn to deal with it, but it makes me sad and lonely. Do you have any sugges- tions? — Dealing with It Dear Dealing: Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar We see no reason to stay with a man who treats you with complete indifference and whom you no longer like. If there are children involved, however, try counseling first, and see if you can find more effec- tive ways to deal with your husband. Dear Annie: I am an only child. My two sib- lings died in an accident, and my parents ended up divorcing after 20 years of marriage. Both of them married others, and after another 15 years, my father passed away. Here’s the dilemma: When my siblings died, they were buried at a cemetery in my home- town. My parents were obviously devastated, as were my paternal grand- parents, and they all bought plots next to my siblings. My siblings are in the middle two plots, my grandparents are on one side, and my father is buried on the other side. This leaves a vacant plot next to my father. My mother intends to be buried next to her sec- ond husband in a different city, so my father’s wife has asked to take the vacant plot next to Dad. The plot is in my moth- er’s name, and she adamantly refuses to let my stepmother be buried near my siblings. She would rather the plot remain vacant. My father’s wife has no chil- dren and very much wants to be buried next to my dad. Now what? — Stuck in the Middle Dear Stuck: Your mother is being ungener- ous. Perhaps you could convince her that her chil- dren won’t mind having your stepmother two plots down. Otherwise, we rec- ommend your stepmother buy a plot close by. If your mother should pre- decease her, Stepmom can then negotiate to exchange her plot for the vacant one next to Dad. Dear Annie: I totally disagree with your response to ‘‘Crowded by the Ex.’’ FEATURES DEAR DR. GOTT: I read Vitamin D column needs clarification about how much vitamin D to take from your Sept. 30 column. In the information about research on D, you state it is linked to thy- roid disorders, hypertension, stroke, diabetes, heart failure and colon cancer, among other things. I have read vitamin D fights off these disorders, not contribute to them. Was this a misprint? DEAR READER: In essence, yes it was. The article should have indicated, “As research unfolds and theories are validated, deficiency is thought to be linked to thyroid disorders ...” The word “deficiency” did not appear in print. I spoke of insufficient amounts of D at the beginning of the paragraph, but the way the information appeared would lead a person to think just as you did. Thank you for pointing this out. It’s readers like you who keep me on my toes, and I’m grateful you took the time to write. The husband is mar- ried to his current wife and has an allegiance to her, not the ex. If the ex’s presence causes a prob- lem, the husband has to tell her to keep her dis- tance. The children from the first marriage, espe- cially if they are adults, need to respect their father’s current marriage. The husband must set boundaries to support his wife. The gift giving, vis- iting and bon voyages should have stopped 20 years ago. I speak from personal experience and from many years of marital counseling for this very same issue. I am disap- pointed that you didn’t give ‘‘Crowded’’ more support. — Feeling the Wife’s Pain DEAR DR. GOTT: You recently wrote about lichen planus and gold as a risk factor. I’ve had lichen planus for more than five years, and you are the only reference I’ve encountered that claims gold could be a problem. I have two gold bridges and two gold caps. Could these be contributing factors? DEAR READER: This inflammatory condition can affect skin and mucous membranes. When on the skin, it resem- bles raised, flat bumps or lesions that are itchy and somewhat purple in color. They can crust or scab, resembling poi- son ivy or other forms of plant dermati- tis. When mucus membranes of the mouth are affected, white patches that resemble lace can appear and be quite painful. Lichen planus occurs when the immune system attacks the cells of the skin or mucus membranes. As I previously reported, triggers can include allergens, tattoo pigments, spe- cific medications for hypertension, arthritis or heart disease, and the use of nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs such as ibuprofen and naproxen. One source of information for the Dr. Peter Gott gold connection I reported on is Medline Plus, which states that risks include “exposure to med- ications, dyes and other chemi- cal substances (including gold, antibiotics, arsenic, iodides, chloroquine, quinacrine, quinide, phenothiazines and diuretics).” Furthermore, an Oct. 1, 2010, New York Times article indicated a risk of lichen planus from gold. There have been reports of gold caps causing the breakout, but I cannot find sufficient legitimate documentation to support this. Therefore, I suggest you return to your dentist for his or her opinion. DEAR DR. GOTT: I have fingernails with horizontal ripples and lines, and they are concave. Any ideas? I’ve been to several doctors who couldn’t help me. DEAR READER: There are a number of reasons why fingernails become ridged or concave. They include injury, extensive exposure to moisture or nail polish, fungus and bacterial infection, kidney or liver disease, and various other possibilities. Depressions across the fin- gernail and horizontal ridging are known as Beau’s lines, which can occur follow- ing illness, malnourishment or direct injury to the nail. Horizontal ridges might also be an indication of diabetes. Those that curve inward may be associ- ated with iron-deficiency anemia. Verti- cal ridges that extend from the cuticle to the tip of the nail are common and can occur with advancing age. Speak with your physician. Ask whether laboratory testing is appropriate. If no abnormalities are found and you don’t have other symptoms, you will at least have some peace of mind. If some- thing is discovered, follow through on his or her recommendations. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com. Popular dungeness crab sport fishery to open statewide The much anticipated annual Dungeness crab sport fishery opens statewide on Nov. 6, according to the California Department of Fish and Game. Every November in northern and central California, the season opener triggers recreational crab fishing enthusiasts to set out in pursuit of these tasty crustaceans. Some set hoop nets and crab traps from boats and piers while others fish crab loop traps on the end of a fishing rod. Still others will dive in the cold waters to take the crabs by hand. The daily bag limit is 10 Dun- geness crabs per person, except when fishing from a commercial passenger fishing vessel (or “party boat”) south of Mendocino County, in which case the limit is six. Dungeness crab may not be taken within San Francisco or San Pablo bays, which are important crab nursery areas. A legal-sized crab must be five and three-quar- ter inches measured by the short- est distance through the body from edge of shell to edge of shell directly in front of a excluding the points (lateral spines). Crabs taken from party boats must mea- sure six inches minimum dis- tance. In California, the Dungeness crab range is from the California- Oregon border southward to Santa Barbara, although they are uncommon south of Point Con- ception. Dungeness crabs prefer sandy or sand-mud bottom, but may be found in almost any sea floor habitat. They range from the intertidal zone to a depth of at least 750 ft., but are not abundant beyond 300 ft. For information regarding recreational Dungeness crab fish- ing regulations and other crab species, please visit the DFG Marine Region website at www.dfg.ca.gov/marine/inverte- brate/crabs.asp. Photos of Dungeness crabs and DFG’s Lt. Andy Roberts with a cooler full of crabs seized from poachers can be found online at www.dfg.ca.gov/news/news08/i mages/dungeness. HOME SERVICES DIRECTORY 7900 Runs Every Monday - Wednesday - Friday $ $ with a 3 month commitment Blinds Need Blinds? C A L L P A U L Paul Stubbs Blinds & Draperies www.nsbd.biz Lic.#906022 Landscapes Lassen Landscapes JOHN P. KITCHEL B.S. HORTICULTURE FOR ALL YOUR LANDSCAPE & SPRINKLER NEEDS Design, Installation, Renovations, Repairs • SPRINKLERS • DRIP IRRIGATION • SOD & SEED LAWNS • BEDDING & PLANTS • WALKWAYS • STONEWORK • FENCING • RETAINERS • FOUNTAINS • POOLS (530) 384-1966 Lic.#4879 est. 1984 527-0842 North State Building Construction R. G. 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