Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/185358
Thursday, October 3, 2013 – Daily News 3B FEATURES Someone will talk to your teen about sex say no firmly. DEAR DOCCoach your TOR K: I'm the daughter to say parent of a teenage "no" while lookgirl. I know it's ing her partner in time to talk to her the face. Again, about sex, and I'd it's one thing to appreciate any talk to your advice. daughter about DEAR READDr. K how to say "no," ER: Many parents and it's another feel anxious or by Anthony L. u n c o m f o r t a b l e Komaroff, M.D. to tell her when. I wouldn't talking with their children about sex. But describe all of the sexualremember that if you ly transmitted diseases don't, somebody else will. (STDs) in detail. That can Teens get lots of infor- come across as scaremation (and misinforma- mongering and cause tion) about sex from their some kids to tune out. But friends, the Internet, tele- I would list all of the vision, magazines, books STDs: Most kids don't and movies. It's up to you realize how many there to make your child under- are. By the same token, I stand what it really means to have sex, both physical- wouldn't stress that some of them, if unrecognized ly and emotionally. Don't worry that you and untreated, can be will be "putting ideas" fatal. I would emphasize into your teen's head. that some of them can Many parents I've talked make it hard or impossible to are concerned that hav- for a woman to bear chiling the conversation will dren. I would describe the encourage their kids to try it. In fact, teens who talk facts about birth control. openly with their parents The points I'd be sure to usually wait longer to make are that no birth have sex — and they are control is 100 percent more likely to use birth effective, and that many types of birth control will control when they do. Whether to have sex not protect against STDs. outside of marriage is a The only way to be entirepersonal question, and I'm ly safe is not to have sex. Finally, I'd explain that not going to weigh in on that. But it is important sexually active females that you state what your need to have a pelvic own views are regarding exam every year. Offer to at what point in a relation- take her to a gynecologist ship sex is appropriate. At or pediatrician if and the same time, don't insist when she decides to have that your child share your sex. Most important, be views. My colleagues who specialize in adolescent there for your teenager. medicine tell me that Listen to her questions teens often are naturally and try to answer every rebellious and resist one. Let her know that attempts to tell them what whatever choices she makes, she will always to do. It is very important to have your love and supteach your child how to port. Burn ban reminder Red Bluff- The Tehama-Glenn Unit of the California Department of Forestry and Fire Protection and the Tehama County Fire Department want to remind everyone that although temperatures are becoming cooler, the burn ban is still in effect and there will be no burning allowed in Tehama County or the State Responsibility Areas (SRA) within Glenn County. The burn ban will remain in effect until weather conditions significantly change. Residents are still urged to use caution when doing outdoor activities as fires can still start and spread rapidly, especially on windy days. Gusty north winds and low humidity are expected by Thursday and continue through Saturday. Historically, some of the areas worst fires have started this time of year. Simple actions such as tossed cigarettes, parking your vehicle in dry grass, or leaving hot coals in a campfire can ignite a fire. Father-in-law emails dirty pictures Because my adoption wasn't Dear Annie: I have a open, I can't meet my bioproblem that I have never logical family. I know the seen in your column. government means well by My 64-year-old fatherthese laws, but it makes me in-law sends my middlefeel empty inside. aged husband pornographic My adoptive family dripictures. My husband and I ves me insane with the share the same email excuse, ''I can't tell you address, and the last picture Annie's much until you're 18.'' Isn't was extremely explicit. there something they can tell My husband does not me? Can the government check his email regularly. When he does, he ignores by Kathy Mitchell really bar me from seeing most of his father's stuff, and Marcy Sugar my birth family? — Left Lonely in My Heart. thank heavens. I haven't Dear Lonely: First of all, your deleted these emails, but I now think my father-in-law is a total ''real family'' is the one that raised creep. Is there anything I should do? you. There are legitimate reasons I hope he sees himself in this letter. why birth records are not intended to be seen by kids under age 18. — Offended Wife Dear Offended: Is your husband Reunions with birth parents someaware that his father is sending him times work out OK, but they also these photos? If not, tell him. Then can be difficult, unpleasant, ask whether he wants to receive depressing and a huge disappointthese pictures. He may not care, or ment, especially if you are expecthe may prefer not to confront his ing too much. Teenagers, in particufather. Since they're meant for him, lar, often go through emotionally he should have the final word, rough waters, becoming upset with although you can encourage him to their adoptive families and mistaktell Dad to stop. We also recom- enly believing the biological family mend that you open your own email would be easier. Your parents are account so you are not subjected to simply trying to protect you. But we understand that this is this assault on your senses. Although why you would voluntari- hard and unsatisfying for you. ly open any email from this man is There are counselors who specialize in this field. Ask your parents to beyond us. Dear Annie: I'm 14 years old make an appointment for all of you and adopted. As I've gotten older, to talk with someone who will assist the feeling of wanting to know my in figuring out the best way to deal real family has grown stronger. with your frustrations and how Mailbox much information your parents can give you. They can get a referral from your pediatrician. Dear Annie: ''In Turmoil in Kansas,'' the 45-year-old gay man, could have been me 16 years ago. I lived alone in Michigan, but I had no job, no social life, no partner and only one friend — and he lived far away. I was in the closet and didn't know anything about PFLAG. I found that smoky, noisy and crowded bars were not for me. I was so scared to tell anyone I'm gay. I am now 46, have a great partner, live in Florida, joined the local PFLAG chapter, have two great jobs and am out to everyone, including my very accepting parents — something I never expected. I never go to gay bars, although I have many gay pen pals. In two years, I'll be moving to Boston to live with my partner, who is transferring jobs. Isn't it great how life can be so wonderful after being depressed and lonely for so long? Please tell him not to give up hope. — Sarasota, Fla. Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. Live above your circumstances Her letter was long. Page after page she went on about every aspect of her miserable life. In between the accounts of her husband's unemployment and her high blood pressure, this woman managed to weave each and every detail of their broken down cars, leaking roof, busted faucets, ungrateful children, delinquent taxes, nosy neighbors, empty retirement account, and unpaid bills. I'm telling you, by the time I reached the word that for me spelled relief (sincerely), I was nearly worn out. My immediate reaction was a sympathetic, "Oh, you poor thing!" I mean, really, the way she carried on, I was nearly convinced she was enduring troubles and pressures way beyond the legal limit. Her situation, as she described it, did appear to be without solution. I couldn't help but wonder how things would be if she won the lottery, which according to her hastily written postscript was her only source of hope. That would certainly let me off the hook because the point of her letter was for me to fix her, her family --her life. She was looking for a fairy godmother, complete with wand, who would magically return everything to normal, whatever that is. I've read about fairy godmothers, and I can assure you, I'm no fairy godmother. Some people allow their problems and pressures to control their lives. Whether they live under their circumstances or above them has this a wonderful day?" DON'T DWELL ON PROBnothing to do with the troubles themselves but how they LEMS. Refuse to worry unless you have a pencil and paper in front of view them. Those who live under you. With those tools in hand your worrying automatically their circumbecomes a planning sesstances see every sion. Write down creative calamity as a cataand positive ideas. strophe. They choose DON'T BE FOOLED to be victims; they whine, BY DISGUISES. Your complain and carry on. troubles are brilliant opporThose who live above tunities disguised as their circumstances are impossible situations. not in denial. They simThose who recognize this ply choose to see these truth are experts at turning times as hairpin curves lemons into lemonade. on the road of life that Mary What you can do matters will straighten out soon. much more than what you While you live and can't. Focus on getting breathe on planet Earth, through the mess or if it's you will experience trounot going away, find a way bles and pressures from to joyfully persevere. Your time to time and in varygreatness will never be ing degrees. It doesn't measured by wealth or matter how wealthy, educated, noble or good you are. Life position but by what it takes to make cannot be separated from periods of you quit. That's why you must never adversity. Here are some basic steps ever give up -- no matter what. to help you gain control of your cirMary invites questions at cumstances: mary@everydaycheapskate.com, CHOOSE YOUR ATTITUDE. One thing that distinguishes you or c/o Everyday Cheapskate, P.O. from the animal kingdom is your Box 2099, Cypress, CA 90630. ability to control your attitude. You This column will answer questions choose your thoughts, so for today of general interest, but letters cannot be answered individually. choose joy. SMILE ON PURPOSE. Regard- Mary Hunt is the founder of a less of how you are feeling, greet www.DebtProofLiving.com, the next person you see (even if it is personal finance member website a family member) with a smile and and the author of "7 Money Rules sincere pleasantry such as, "Isn't for Life," released in 2012. Hunt Everyday Cheapskate Change is in the air at Red Bluff High School We have officially said good- five years ago. Did you know that 90% of all bye to summer and have weldata stored today was comed in the fall with created within the last cooler temperatures two years? There is an and colorful leaves. enormous amount of Some people love the new information and change in the seasons the development of and are ready to see the new knowledge is not scorching temperaslowing down. This tures fade into memory huge information bank while others resist the is easily accessible shorter days, the through technology. inevitable darkness Most students these and cold weather. days have a variety of Each season brings its technological devices own beauty and chalLisa that allows them to lenges and somehow find facts and figures we adapt year after instantaneously. Our year. Change affects us students know that all in some capacity whether it is in our environment, there are tools on the computer that will help them figure out our families or our work place. Talk to any educator these and solve the mechanics of a days and you will no doubt hear math problem. There are tools about the changes in education. that check their spelling and We have a new funding formula grammar. There is even a prothat allows for increased local gram that will write for you if control in how we budget. Tech- you give it the topic and style of nology is significantly impacting writing you would like to use. the way we teach and learn. We The real life application of learnare in the midst of transitioning ing is most important now. to the common core standards, When and where would a stuthe new Smarter Balanced dent use an algebraic expresassessments and new ways of sion? Does a student know how delivering instruction. Why? to defend an idea citing evidence Because our world is constantly from more than one source? Can changing. Our job is to make they justify their position so that sure our students are ready to be it is more than just their opinion? productive citizens when they Can our students be innovative leave us. The skills and knowl- enough to create novel solutions edge needed in today's world are to important problems we will vastly different than it was even face in our community, nation Escobar and world? Our teachers are facing a learning curve similar to what our students will face over the next few years. The common core standards are more rigorous and will require increased reading and writing in every content area. Every teacher will become a literacy teacher. In order to support our staff in the transition, our school district is beginning a three year process to implement highly functioning professional learning communities (PLC's). Highly functioning PLC's have shown for the past 15 years to provide a way of thinking and behaving that creates structure and focus for the uncertainty of change with outcomes that positively impacts learning for all students. PLC's establish improved communication, enhance teacher learning and create a collective ownership and intelligence within the school. We are using the early release on Monday's to develop our PLC's and feel very fortunate that we have this built in time to develop teacher capacity. PLC's revolve around four questions that teachers ask as they analyze student work: 1. What do we want our students to learn? 2. How will we know they are learning? 3. How will we respond when they don't learn? 4. How will we respond when they do learn? How powerful for teachers to be able to effectively collaborate on a regular basis around data that reflects student learning. It is not easy to create a culture that is new in very traditional institution like schools but it is well worth the effort. The bottom line for me is we will do whatever it takes to ensure that each student at Red Bluff High School experiences academic and personal success and is ready for the next step after high school. It was noted that if Abraham Lincoln came back today he would feel most comfortable in a school because it is the institution that has changed the least since his time. Education has been historically very slow to respond to our changing world. With the onset of technology and the globalization of our economy, we must respond now. Our district is filled with excited talented teachers that are working very hard to implement needed changes to support the direction of our district as we prepare learners for the 21st century. The Board has developed a mission that gives us a very definite direction - The mission of RBJUSHD is to inspire and support each student to achieve academic excellence in a safe, healthy, and respectful environment every day. The Board's three strategic goals give us focus for our daily work: • Ensure all students learn. • Build professional collaboration and supportive relationships. • Build an effective data management system. We at Red Bluff Joint Union High School District invite you to support our work. We have held an open house on common core state standards in conjunction with the Tehama County Office of Education and Red Bluff Elementary School District. It was wonderful to see Board members, parents and members of our community there. On Oct. 23 at 6:30pm here at RBHS, Red Bluff Elementary District Superintendent William McCoy will join me and DeAnn Grames, my Chief Business Officer, to share information about the new funding model for education in California. Later this year, I will hold an informational evening on Smarter Balance, the new assessment model. If there are educational issues you would like to know more about, please feel free to contact me here at the district office. I continue to value the partnerships between our community, families, staff and students as we strive to always improve by being continual learners. Lisa Escobar is superintendent of the Red Bluff Joint Union High School District.