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Tuesday, October 26, 2010 – Daily News – 3B FEATURES Sneaky sibling sparks suspicions Dear Annie: I have several siblings. One, ‘‘Emily,’’ divorced when her chil- dren were young. We tried to be support- ive and helpful. We believed her horror stories about her ex-husband’s affairs and sexual perversions. At various times, Emily would also privately tell us nasty stories about our other siblings. To our shame, we believed a few of them. Ten years ago, our parents sold their home to Emily, making special provisions so she would be able to manage financial- ly. Then, five years ago, our youngest sis- ter died. Emily left abruptly after the view- ing and did not attend the funeral. Shortly after, we each received nasty letters saying we had never been there for her, and that she’d sold the house and was sending us our share, as Dad had stipulated. She handled it disrespectfully, ignoring Dad’s wishes to give some money to the facility where our deceased sister had lived and, instead, gave it to her own children. We now realize that Emily told many lies about each of us. Not only has she alienated herself, but we suspect she has also alienated her children from her ex-husband’s family. Our dad died recently. Emily did not participate in the funer- al plans. She came only to the viewing, bringing a new hus- Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar band we had never met. She spoke a few harsh words and left. The rest of us are closer now as a family. Do we just accept that this whole situation is beyond our control and let it go? — Grieving Sister Dear Grieving: It sounds as if Emily is mentally ill. She appears to be a pathological liar and unwilling to admit it, which means she is not interested in getting help. There is nothing you can do to straighten her out. If you want to stay in touch, make it simple and somewhat impersonal — a birthday card, Christmas card, notice of important family events, etc. So sorry. Dear Annie: My husband and I have been close friends with ‘‘Amanda and Jeremy’’ for many years. When they told us they were expecting, we were excited and happy for them, even though we have been struggling with infertility. For the past month, all they have talked about is the upcoming baby shower. We naturally assumed we would be invited, but just discovered the shower was last weekend. Should we tell them how hurt we are, let it go or consider them less close friends than we thought? Any advice would be great. — Confused in the Midwest Dear Confused: There could be several reasons for your exclusion. Amanda and Jeremy may have thought you would be uncomfortable at a baby shower. It may have been for family only. Your invitation might have been lost. The person in charge of invitations could have accidentally excluded you. If you don’t speak up, you will stew over it forever and the friendship will not survive. Simply say, ‘‘I was surprised and a little hurt that we weren’t invited to the baby shower. I hope everything is OK.’’ Dear Annie: I read the letter from ‘‘Anxiously Await- ing,’’ whose risk of breast cancer worried her enough to have a bilateral mastectomy and her reconstruction has been dif- ficult. She said her husband still could not look at her naked body. I want to address this to her: I, too, had a bilateral mas- tectomy and am not a candidate for reconstruction. But I am beautiful because I am alive. Your husband is the one who needs therapy if he cannot see how beautiful you are. Would he rather be going to a cemetery and leaving flowers? Tell him to grow up and act like a real man. Learn to love your- self. I wake up each day and thank God that I am alive, and so should you. You did what you had to in order to live out the rest of your life. I have nothing but scar tissue and lumps, but I am so beautiful. — Beautiful and Boobless Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Reader’s polymyalgia diagnosis is a real pain DEAR DR. GOTT: My doctor diagnosed me with polymyalgia. I have pain in the back of my head, shoulders and lower back that usually occurs at night and goes away when I get up in the morning. I’m 78 years old, in generally good health with no diabetes, heart or other problems. I go to physical therapy Dr. Peter Gott three times a week for my back problem and have traction treatment as well, which seems to be working. Is there any help for me? DEAR READER: Polymyalgia rheumatica (PMR) is an inflammatory dis- order that results in widespread muscle aches, pains and stiffness of the hips, shoul- ders, thighs, upper arms and neck, fatigue, anemia, malaise and unintentional weight loss. Symptoms experienced are the result of mild inflammation of the joints and sur- rounding tissue. Stiffness can worsen fol- lowing periods of inactivity, such as after a night’s sleep or sitting for too long. The condition is thought to be related to an immune-system arthritic disorder that customarily goes away on its own in a year or two. Initially, over-the-counter nons- teroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) might control the side effects. Long-term use of NSAIDs can include intestinal bleed- ing, hypertension, renal insufficiency, fluid retention and more. Beyond that, medica- tion such as corticosteroids and self-help measures can go a long way toward dealing with the discomfort. The downside to long- term steroid use is possible hypertension, osteoporosis, diabetes, weight gain and cataracts. Self-help includes a nutritious diet rich in fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meats, whole grains, calcium and vitamin D. The latter two recommendations can be satisfied through supplements. The daily recommen- dation for calcium in people over 50 is 1,200 milligrams per day with 600 to 800 interna- tional units (IU) of vitamin D. Exercise, pri- marily low-impact movement such as swimming, riding a stationary bicycle or walking, will go a long way toward reducing the pain. Risk factors include age, race, gender and those diagnosed with giant cell arteritis. Older adults, primarily those 70 and older, are affected, and women are twice as likely as men to develop the disorder. No one is immune; however, Caucasians, Scandina- vians and people from Northern Europe are most at risk. Finally, giant cell arteritis is a condition in which the temporal arteries and other areas of the body become swollen and inflamed. Almost 50 percent of all people diagnosed with giant cell arteritis are found to have polymyalgia, and up to 20 percent of those with polymyalgia develop giant cell arteritis. Diagnosis can be made through laborato- ry testing that may include a rheumatoid factor, sedimentation rate, C-reactive pro- tein, platelet and red-blood-cell counts. The only way to rule out giant cell arteritis is through biopsy from the scalp artery at the temple. To provide related information, I am sending you copies of my Health Reports “Fibromyalgia” (a related topic) and “Man- aging Chronic Pain.” Other readers who would like copies should send a self- addressed stamped No. 10 envelope and a $2 check or money order for each report made payable to Newsletter and mailed to Newsletter, P.O. Box 167, Wickliffe, OH 44092-0167. Be sure to mention the title(s) or print an order form off my website at www.AskDrGottMD.com. DEAR DR. GOTT: You recently wrote about liver spots. Two years ago, I used clear nail polish to get rid of my liver spots. I had two big ones on my face, and the nail polish worked like a charm. DEAR READER: Folk remedies include apple-cider vinegar combined with orange juice; castor oil; lemon juice; grated onion; and green (unripe) black walnuts. Then there are vitamins C and E and zinc. So what more can I say? If clear nail polish worked for you without side effects, it may have to be added to the list of possibilities. Before using home remedies, have a doctor examine the lesions to ensure that they are not cancerous. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com.