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Friday, September 10, 2010 – Daily News – 5A FEATURES Religious racism ruffles relatives Dear Annie: Three years ago, our daughter, ‘‘Lucy,’’ married a wonder- ful biracial man, and they now have a beautiful little girl. Our son-in-law has a great job and is a positive influence in Lucy’s life. She is going back to school to obtain a career in a relat- ed field, and we are helping her with the tuition. We also have a son, who is married and has a lovely wife, a 5-year-old daughter and a baby boy on the way. Lucy loves her niece and used to spend a lot of time with her. However, her brother decided that since she mar- ried outside her race, she no longer exists and he refuses all contact. While he doesn’t directly antago- nize her, this major slight drives Lucy crazy, and if they are ever near each other, she turns it into a con- frontation. We have no idea where our son’s bigoted reaction comes from. No one else in the family is like this. Needless to say, his attitude doesn’t facilitate a family get-together. We love both of our kids and grandkids and try to divide our time equally between them. Our son doesn’t lec- ture us about visiting his sister and her family — he doesn’t say any- thing about them at all. But when our daughter hears that we have talked to her brother, she calls us bigots by association and cuts off all communication. We don’t endorse his bigotry and have been unable to change his viewpoint, which he feels is sanctified by his church. Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar Is there any hope to reunite this family? — Frus- trated Father in Sarasota Dear Sarasota: Not unless your son changes his racist attitude. But your daughter should learn to dif- ferentiate between her brother’s abhorrent views and those of the people who love him. Now that she has a child of her own, point out how that bond doesn’t end because the child grows up to have wrongheaded opinions. Sympathize with her position, but explain that her demands are unfair to you. You also can mention that the only pos- sibility of helping her brother become more enlightened is if you continue to talk to him. We hope he’ll come around. Dear Annie: My best friend of 10 years is getting married next June. She casually mentioned that being in the wedding might be too much of a financial burden for me. But instead of informing me per- sonally that she had asked another friend, I found the bridal party list on Facebook. It’s her wedding, and she has a right to choose her bridesmaids. And I don’t want to be the miffed drama queen, but I am deeply hurt. Am I wrong for feeling upset that my socio-economic status was the reason I wasn’t chosen? — Con- necticut Dear Connecticut: Your friend did not handle this very graciously. Q: Is there any hope to refinance my high-rate mortgage if my home has fallen in value? I keep making the payments on time, but it seems ridiculous that banks won't help you unless you fall months behind in pay- ments. I don't want to lose my good credit, and I don't want to default. I just want to take advantage of lower interest rates -- even though I have very little equity left in my home, although I originally put 20 percent down when I bought it five years ago! A. Yours is a common lament. As I wrote in a recent column, banks are reluctant to refi a home with less than 20 percent equity. But Christine DePaepe, senior mortgage consultant at Wintrust Mortgage, brought to my attention two special programs offered by most lenders. She explains that if your loan is owned or secured by Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac, you might qual- ify for a program to refinance and lower your rate, and thus your month- ly payment. These programs also allow people to refinance from an adjustable-rate mortgage or interest- only mortgage to a fixed-rate loan. DePaepe said the Refi Plus and Open Access options are intended for borrowers who: • Did not initially have Private Mortgage Insurance (PMI) on their loan. • Have a loan that was bought by Fannie Mae by March 1, 2009, or Freddie Mac by May 31, 2009. • Are not having difficulty making their monthly payments. • Are current on their payments at the time of refinance. • And have not been delinquent by more than 30 days during the last 12 months (or during the life of the loan if it has existed for less than 12 months). Explains DePaepe: "Eligible properties for both programs are 1- to 4- unit primary residences (Single Family, Condo- miniums and Town- homes), 1-unit sec- ond homes and 1- to 4-unit investment prop- erties. "One tip for condo- minium owners is that by doing the Fannie Mae DU Refi Plus or Freddie Mac Open Access often makes your refinance easier. Both programs are avail- able through June 30, 2011, and the minimum credit score requirement is 620 to be eligible for either product. "The DU Refi Plus or Open Access loan will not require any PMI cost (typically required on loans with less than an 80 percent loan-to-value ratio), which is the major benefit to these programs. Closing costs vary Brides should allow their attendants to decide whether or not they can afford to participate. But we will give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she wanted to save you the embarrassment of bowing out or having to risk going into debt. Please try to forgive her. Dear Annie: I read with interest the letter from ‘‘The Girlfriend,’’ who complained about the behavior of her live-in’s 14-year-old daugh- ter. As a marriage and family coun- selor, I regularly witness the deteri- oration of family relationships, especially those between divorced fathers and their children. Girlfriends come and go, but a commitment to a child is made when that child is born and should, but often doesn’t, take precedence over ensuing romantic relationships that come along after the child’s parents separate or divorce. Our society’s cavalier attitude toward divorce and cohabitation in no way negates our children’s need for both parents. — Iowa Advocate for Kids Dear Iowa: We completely agree. To all our Muslim readers: Happy Eid. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Good news for homeowners hanging in there Terry Savage The Savage Truth on Money from no cost to a maximum of $1,500 for a full cost refinance, and can be rolled into the existing loan amount or can be paid at the closing." DePaepe notes that "based on a 740 credit score on a single-family home for instance, the borrower would qualify for the DU Refi Plus or Open Access program on a 30-year fixed rate at 4.375 percent in the past week." For more information, contact your current lender, or you can reach Christine DePaepe at chrisd@win- trustmortgage.com. But keep in mind that these programs, if you qualify, require a reason- able credit score (at least 620) and a good payment history on your current mortgage. Still, it's good to know that there is help available for people who have kept paying on time, even as home values have dropped. Terry Savage is a registered investment adviser and is on the board of the Chicago Mercantile Exchange. She can be reached at www.terrysavage.com. She is the author of the new book, "The New Savage Number: How Much Money Do You Really Need to Retire?" Saving energy is as Easy as 1-2-3 1. 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I immediately went to see an allergist who told me that I was allergic to something that had caused the hives to develop, but he also said it was wreak- ing havoc inside my body and making my arm and joints ache. I started tak- ing an antihistamine every day for two years and was absolutely fine. For some dumb rea- son, I stopped taking it, and last year I had anoth- er strange episode: This time, it was strong pains in my breasts. It felt as though I was lactating, but I knew I could not be. Again, I had many doctor visits and also underwent a sophisticated mammo- gram. I was told I had fibromyalgia, because I also had aches and mus- cle pains. I disagreed with the diagnosis and began researching on my own. DEAR READ- Dr. Peter Gott ER: I have printed your letter because I find it interesting that you say you have joint, muscle and breast pain due to allergies. Most allergies cause itchy, watery, red eyes; a runny nose and/or congestion; coughing, wheezing or other asthma- like symptoms; skin rash- es, hives or swelling. The type of symptoms experi- enced depends on the allergen and how you came into contact with it. Pet dander, for example, is typically inhaled, so skin manifestations, while pos- sible, are not generally seen. I am unable to find any reliable scientific evi- dence that shows that any allergen, let alone pet dan- der, can cause joint, mus- cle or breast pain. I was able to find personal testi- monies that claimed these symptoms due to aller- gies, but there is nothing to substantiate the claims. Perhaps this is something that should be further investigated by the med- ical and scientific commu- nities. We had gotten a new dog four months earlier, and, after talking to friends, I decided to stay away from the dog. Sure enough, I began feeling better. Then I told my boss at work, a female, about the strange breast pain, and she immediately told me that I must be allergic to the dog because her lit- tle boy had similar reac- tions to his new dog. His underarms swelled up painfully. I was elated to solve this! We returned the dog to the shelter, and I was immediately tested for allergies. I was allergic to cats and dogs, not to men- tion many grasses, molds, trees and house dust. I will never stop taking my daily antihistamine, and I have been feeling great ever since restarting it. I am not in any way dismissing your claims. I am simply stating that at this point there is no hard evidence to back up the claims. The fact that you have experienced relief by taking a daily antihista- mine is compelling nonetheless. To provide related information, I am sending you a copy of my Health Report “Allergies.” Other readers who would like a copy should send a self- addressed stamped enve- lope and a $2 check or money order to Newslet- ter, P.O. Box 167, Wick- liffe, OH 44092-0167. Be sure to mention the title or print an order form off my website at www.AskDr- GottMD.com. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com Oh Snap! The Daily News wants your photos: Cute kids, Adorable pets, Inspirational sights, Any shot you think readers would enjoy You might just see it in the Daily News Send pictures to editor@redbluffdailynews.com or drop off at 545 Diamond Ave. in Red Bluff. 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