Retail Observer

RETAILOBSERVER.COM JUNE 2023 44 S ometimes, in our working lives, we see people who are supposed to be working together, collaborating, creating, and developing interdependence, and they just clash. These relationships, instead of fostering an inclusive, sum-is-greater-than- the-parts factor, create stress, tension, and inefficiency. Hours and hours are lost to this interpersonal strife and can show up as low performance, inconsistent performance, gossip, people organizing themselves into opposing camps, turnover, burnout, and even hostile work environments. It's estimated that American businesses lose $223 billion per year to toxic workplace cultures. Some of these costs are hidden, such as time lost on projects because people aren't getting along, to actual loss of sales and recidivism costs (on average, 1.5 times someone's salary). The truth is, people "not getting along" isn't something we just have to deal with or that it's part of the cost of doing business. The truth is we need to create an environment that supports all the ways we are human, while keeping our goals in mind. But what about those messy, unpredictable people who just don't like each other? Can they really change? You might have heard that people don't change, or they are who they are. Personality/style indicators like Meyers-Briggs, DiSC, Instinctive Drives, the Enneagram, or Human Design might suggest that at our core, we don't change. I'm not sure I believe that entirely, because I've experienced my own transformation over the years, and I've witnessed it in others. Perhaps we can call it evolving, or deepening. I think about this all the time, specifically in the scope of organizational relationships and individual development. We can grow. We can transform. We can change. If we want to. People can change their behavior and repair relationships. If they want to. If you're a leader who wants to influence the reparation of relationships that just aren't working, is that even possible? Sometimes, we have many conversations with the conflicting parties (again, a hidden cost!), trying to get to the root cause of the problem in the hopes we might be able to mediate and resolve issues. Here are some things to consider: 1. Awareness: Sometimes, people get entrenched in their own ways of seeing and thinking. Perception becomes someone's reality which becomes the story of what's happening for them. We first need to make sure that individuals are aware of the impact of the current situation. It's important to be able to have the courageous conversation about those observable behaviors and as much factual information that you can identify. The reason for this is that someone's attitudes and intentions get tangled up in what actually happens. If I have a story about how you are difficult to work with, and I see everything you do through that filter, I'm making assumptions about your intentions. I become less and less aware of how I am impacting the situation. Having an initial conversation so that someone can increase their awareness of the situation, and their part in it, is the very first step. 2. Willingness. In my experience, there is no reconciliation or repair of relationships without willingness. Often, when I mediate a conversation, this is the first question I ask: "Are you willing to work on creating a more positive, productive working relationship with your colleague?" Mostly, someone will say "yes" to this. Often, what they mean is that they are willing for the other person to change their ways to make it better! It's important to confirm this initial willingness because it takes both people's willingness not only to examine their own behavior, but to give the other person a chance to come together for a common understanding or cause. This tacit understanding also suggests that there will be a process by which we can check-in, keep track, and note our progress by communicating what's working and what's not working. This willingness assessment is two-fold: are you willing to believe it could be different? And, are you willing to put in the work to make it different? 3. Commitment. Once the initial conversations happen, and everyone says, "Okay, we will give it a try," the work has just begun. We build trust over time by demonstrating behaviors that make deposits in another person's trust bank account. Often, it's helpful to set a timeframe for a check-in or pilot of what we've agreed to: a week, a month, three months. We assess what's going well and what could be better. Most important, we stay the course. Leaders can normalize the challenges of rebuilding trust and fostering change by acknowledging that this can be hard work, but it's possible, and it's worth it! CULTURE COACH TRUTH SERIES 1: PEOPLE CAN CHANGE Libby Wagner Culture Coach Libby Wagner, author of The Influencing Option: The Art of Building a Profit Culture in Business, works with clients to help them create and sustain Profit Cultures www.libbywagner.com RO

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