Up & Coming Weekly

THIS WEEK WITH MARGARET THIS WEEK WITH MARGARET by MARGARET DICKSON My fi rst college roommate was a girl named Marilyn from Spring Lake, N.J. Notifi cation of this room assignment arrived by snail mail since e-mail was not even a gleam in anyone’s eye in those days. When I tore open that letter, I was startled to see that my roommate would be from a neighboring community, but my mother, a much less excited, much more careful reader, pointed out “New Jersey,” not “North Carolina,” and I was off on the roommate adventure. I remember at least one phone call where Marilyn and I discussed curtains and bedspreads. Marilyn and I did have to overcome some cultural differences. She did not understand, for example, why I burst into tears in March of our freshman year when Carolina, now the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, lost the NCAA Championship to Lew Alcindor and the UCLA team. On my part, I had trouble grasping how she and her high school friends could scoot to New York City for the day and be back home for dinner. Marilyn and I survived that year, which I now think of as a learning experience. Right now, thousands of young North Carolinians are packing up for their fi rst year of college, as are thousands more from across our country. For many of them, this will be their fi rst experience living away from their homes and families, and for some, it will be their fi rst time living day in and day out in close proximity and all that entails with another person, family member or otherwise. The New York Times says a lot has changed since Marilyn and I muddled through our fi rst year of college. As we say these days, it is complicated. Very complicated. Colleges and universities say part of the problem is that many college freshmen have never had to share space or anything else with another person. They have grown up at home with their families, but in rooms of their own. Those rooms are often equipped with their own computers, television sets, sound systems, phones and plenty of creature comforts of modern life — all just for them! They have not had the experiences common among their Baby Boomer parents of having to negotiate with others over use of space, tidiness, appliances or lights out. The roommate situation is further complicated by our instant communication devices, cell phones and the Internet, which allow feuding roommates to avoid the actual conversations that could address disputes the way human beings have done since time began, face to face. Our devices also allow immediate communications with others, friends and parents, to whom complaints can be relayed, and who school administrators say, too often weigh in on the side of their particular warring freshman. Parents who have lovingly protected their children from confl ict for years have actually created young adults who cannot deal with it at all. Some parents continue playing protector for their college students, according to frustrated college offi cials. Instead of saying, “Marilyn, let’s sit down and talk about this,” roomies type Facebook postings along the lines of “My roommate kept me up late last night studying” or “Her boyfriend stayed over this weekend,” a practice unknown in my day of gender-segregated dorms. Supporters on both sides can, and do, escalate the rhetoric and ill-will both in person and through cyberspace. College administrators say traditional mediation efforts led by dorm resident advisors rarely work these days, because that requires agreement when the combatants prefer avoidance and denial. So administrators are getting creative. The Times reports that Loyola University in Chicago has instituted a “swap night” for students who want a different roommate. This event occurs three weeks into the new school year and comes complete with free pizza. Marist College, a small liberal arts institution in upstate New York, assigns additional staff to freshman dorms in the fi rst few weeks of the school year and at high-stress periods, like exams. Their responsibility is to referee roommate disputes. The University of Florida provides face time with a psychologist for dorm resident advisors to equip them for the inevitable roommate squabbles, and other schools are requiring roommates to sign contracts with each other spelling out agreed-to terms for studying hours, cleanliness, borrowing each others’ possessions and in-room sex. The contracts are supposed to give roommates a starting point for negotiation when confl icts come. Colleges are also giving students more input in the roommate selection process through extensive questionnaires about habits and preferences. Do you smoke and what kind of music do you like? The ubiquitous Facebook even has an application for this called RoomBug, where students can describe their ideal roommate and then shop for one. Most of us survive our freshman roommates, but about three-quarters of us do choose someone else more compatible, and perhaps more like us, for the rest of our college careers. Exhibit One: Although Marilyn and I remained friends for my sophomore year, I roomed with two other girls, one from Virginia and one from Georgia. I do not remember whom Marilyn chose. WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM MARGARET DICKSON, Contributing Writer COMMENTS? 484-6200 ext. 222 or editor@upandcomingweekly.com. AUGUST 11-17, 2010 UCW 5 Many thanks to the sponsors that keep this event FREE to the public. Grab your best friend, a lawn chair or blanket, and get ready to rest your rump on the Festival Park lawn while taking some of the nation’s best entertainers and sipping on a refreshing beverage of choice! hile r or r I Want To Be Alone presents... Get ready for the sounds of the season with the 2010 premier FREE Concert Series Fayetteville After Five! e! • August 19th - Craig Woolard Band • September 16th - Chairmen of the Board www.fayettevillemuseumart.org 910.484.5121

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