Up & Coming Weekly

NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD Among the promotions offered WEEKLY HOROSCOPES BY HOLIDAY by New York City’s upscale Marmara Manhattan hotel is a “birth tourism” package exploiting the U.S. Constitution’s 14th Amendment. For about $35,000, a foreign expectant mother with a visa can spend her delivery week in luxury accommodations (including medical care) — and assure her baby automatic U.S. citizenship. (That child could then become an “anchor,” subsequently making it easier for the parents to acquire “green cards.”) Also, The Washington Post reported in July that three agencies in China, with U.S. affi liates, offer similar packages to their affl uent citizens, whose primary concern seems to be providing their children access to a U.S. education as an alternative to China’s expensive, competitive system. (Historians agree that the purpose of the “citizenship right” in the 14th Amendment, ratifi ed in 1868, was to recognize former slaves as citizens.) [Breaking Travel News (London), 6-10- 10; Washington Post, 7-18-10] MORE TALES OF THE MIRACLE DRUG A naked, 47-year-old man was taken to an El Paso, Texas, burn center in July after “friends” won a bet and got to set his prosthetic leg on fi re, and it spread to his body. The man admitted to police that he had lost fair-and-square, by downing “only” six beers. He was treated for several days and released. [Fox News-AP, 7-11- 10; KVIA-TV-AP (El Paso), 7-16-10] In June, two 34-year-old men in Horsham, Australia, underwent surgery as a result of a plan hatched during a drinking bout. They had both wondered if it hurt to get shot and thus obliged each other. [Daily Telegraph (London), 6-23-10] CULTURAL DIVERSITY Black magic failed to secure the World Cup for Africa this year, but on the other hand, the weak host team, South Africa, managed an opening round draw with Mexico and an upset victory over France. “Sangomas” (traditional “healers”) spreading “muti” (powders, potions, animal bones, especially from speedsters like horses and ostriches) had been out in force. World Cup stadium security was tight, but in African league soccer games, it is not uncommon for sangomas, pre- game, to bury animal parts on the fi eld, or to have players urinate on it to improve the karma. [Wall Street Journal, 6-10-10, Globe & Mail (Toronto), 6-10-10] British Safety Ninnies: (1) Britain’s head constable told a police chiefs’ meeting in June that they were being “buried” under a “telephone directory”- sized (6,497 pages) compilation of rules and regulations telling street bobbies in massive detail such things as how to apply handcuffs and ride bicycles. [BBC News, 7-1-10] COPYRIGHT 2010 CHUCK SHEPHERD 20 UCW AUGUST 11-17, 2010 ARIES (March 21-April 19) You are a warrior. It doesn’t mean you want to annihilate people who don’t agree with you or who are in the way of your mission. It means your actions are imbued with purpose. And a new purpose comes along this week. TAURUS (April 20-May 20) Occasionally, your mind seems to have a strategy you do not agree with. For instance, your mind deems it important to obsess about a situation you truly can’t control. Fighting this takes a great deal of effort. It might be better to fi gure out the part in this scenario that you actually can do something about. GEMINI (May 21-June 21) You haven’t decided yet whether you should conquer or befriend the enemy. And to make matters more complicated, the enemy is within. For now, coexist with the shadowy parts of you, accepting that you are a multifaceted gem in the universe, capable of a wide range of actions and reactions. CANCER (June 22-July 22) Your ability to at- tract people to your cause will depend on your choice of vocabulary. Examine your feelings, and get your head into what you’re doing. You’ll be confi dent when you know your own mind. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) Once the mother duck gets all her baby ducks in a row, they continue on that way, each following a tail feather until they arrive at their destination. You need team mem- bers like this now, people who, once directed, will do the job and stay on track. There’s a time for wandering and tangents, and this isn’t it. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) You will be suscep- tible to a phenomenon like love at fi rst sight. But it’s more like love at hundredth sight, since this is a person, project or endeavor that you’ve been ex- posed to quite a lot already. No matter — the pull is strong enough to resonate through you again and again. You will know exactly what you want. ADVICE GODDESS LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) Your work projects become a strong focus this week. You’ll have an audience to please. First bring them what they know and can relate to. Then put a different twist on it. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21) The Toltecs, an ancient holy community, would practice bypass- ing the perceptive abilities of the fi ve senses in order to get a spiritual view of the world. You’ll easily slip into an extra-sensory mode when necessary. Something in you knows that the truth is beyond what you can see, touch, taste, smell or hear. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Humor is revealing. Be gentle with the humorless individu- als you’ll cross this week. Everyone has a defense of some kind or another. Endeavor to be with laughing friends. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) You will be ruthless, refusing to take pity on a single soul — especially not on yourself. Instead, you’ll believe in each person’s ability to do what is necessary, and there’s nothing cruel about that. You’ll rule with a no-nonsense mood, and others will rise to the occasion. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Act like you are sure of yourself. Socrates said, “True knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing. And in knowing that you know nothing, that makes you the smartest of all.” This is a game. Make the commitment to the game. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) How easy is it for you to detach from your rational mind? There is much good that can come of it now, as the esoteric insights you gain in a detached state of mind will, when you return to the so-called “real world,” have powerful applications. Of course, some will think you’re crazy, and maybe you should just let them. By Holiday Mathis A House Not So Divided Want Salt and Pepper Spray With That? The girl of my dreams works at a restaurant I eat at almost every day. When she started six months ago, I began sitting in her section. I’ve never had feelings this strong. I can’t even look at her without freezing up. Two months ago, I asked her out, and she turned me down, saying it was a bad idea because I’m a customer and she’s too busy to date. She couldn’t even look me in the eye. I was bummed, but I kept sitting in her section. My feelings got stronger every day, and last week, I couldn’t resist bringing her a couple of roses in a vase and a love letter expressing my feelings. She wouldn’t accept the fl owers and reluctantly took the letter. The next day, she said I make her uncomfortable, and I should sit in someone else’s section. I was crushed. My world ended. I’ll give her space for a few months and eat elsewhere, but I don’t want to move on. I’m a businessman, and whatever I want, I always work hard to achieve. Life’s too short to not go after what you want. —Beside Myself In business, not taking no for an answer can be an effective strategy. Of course, the wid- get account doesn’t have to wait tables to pay the rent, and it isn’t picturing you following it home and standing in the rose bushes trying to peer into its bedroom. Amy Alkon Okay, your feelings for her are growing stronger every day — including the feeling that what she wants is beyond irrelevant. Think about how unhappy you’re making this waitress. You’re rob- bing her of her peace of mind, and if you start going back, maybe even her ability to pay her bills. I get that you have the hots for her, but you don’t even know this woman. What could you possibly have said in that letter you wrote, “I love the way you look when you bring me extra salad dressing”?              3006 Bragg Blvd. Fayetteville, NC 910.323.1791 ALL TEAM SPORTS          Mention this ad and receive 20% OFF* your next team purchase. *Restrictions apply. “TWO are better than ONE”  5613 Rockfish Road Hope Mills, NC 910.609.1791 Now, maybe you’re afraid of the risks involved in having a real relation- ship; maybe you lack the experience and social intelligence to understand what one is. Instead of dealing with what’s missing in you, you avoid it by turning this poor waitress into an obsessive hobby. This isn’t love; it’s stalking with a bottomless cup of coffee. You are overdue for a relationship — with a cognitive behavioral therapist, the kind that helps you understand and correct deep irrationalities in thinking and behavior. You’re also way overdue for a breakup with your imaginary girlfriend. No need to say any goodbyes! Just give her the wordless gift of no more you. Permanently. Because, as you note, life’s too short … to spend a chunk of it in jail, after you not only ignore her feelings but those of the judge that you need to stay 500 yards away from her at all times. (c)2010, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM

• Cover