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2B – Daily News – Saturday, August 7, 2010 FEATURES Resents 20-year-old freeloading son Dear Annie: Our three sons, ages 14, 17 and 20, live with us. The problem is the 20-year- old. ‘‘Justin’’ couldn’t keep up the pace of home schooling and bailed out with a GED. This despite my wife’s correcting all of his work before sub- mission. He now works two hours a day and feels that’s plenty. He gives us lots of lip and attitude and does nothing to help around the house. loader Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar My wife refuses to charge him rent. She pays for his car, insurance and cell phone and provides all the meals. Justin’s girlfriend moved in for a while until I put an end to that. Plus, I made him stop filching beer from our refrigerator. My wife says I should calm down and go with the flow. I resent supporting this ungrateful freeloader. Worse, his younger brothers are starting to emulate him. How do I change this? — Father of Freddie the Free- Dear Father: There’s not much you can do if Mom insists on undermining your efforts to help your son grow up. The fact that he went for a GED may have been a dis- appointment to you, but give him credit for finishing his education. However, unless Justin has applied to college, he should have a full-time job and be paying a portion of his salary in rent, preferably at his own place, but certainly at yours if that is where he lives. Try to impress upon your wife that bailing him out, paying for everything he needs and requiring nothing of him in return does him a huge disservice. Dear Annie: Eleven years ago, when my daughter was 18, she agreed to have her stepmother adopt her. This removed me as the natural mother from her birth certificate. I cannot get over this unforgivable act. I never gave my child up. Every Mother’s Day and on her birthday, I cry buckets. I write her letters without mailing them as a way of dealing with the pain. What kind of child does this? Last year, I loaned this same daughter $4,000 because she couldn’t pay her mort- gage. Of course, if I hadn’t loaned her the money, she would have blamed me for los- ing her house. But instead of using it for the mortgage, she spent the money on drugs. She recently filed for bankruptcy, and this loan was part of the paperwork. It brought back all the pain from the adoption. Who erases their mother the same way they erase a debt? I called her up and finally told her what I thought and said I was removing her from my will. I am OK with my decision. If she and the stepmother were to undo the adoption, I would forgive her, but not until then. I hope she sees this in print. — Newport, Wash. Dear Newport: If your daughter is a drug addict and has been since she was 18, she is doing what is expedient and what allows her to get the drugs she is desperate for. We know this is terribly painful for you, and we hope someday your daughter will see things differently. Meanwhile, please contact Families Anonymous (fami- liesanonymous.org) at 1-800-736-9805 for additional assistance. Dear Annie: I would like to respond to ‘‘Want My Girls Home,’’ who resented that Grandma wanted the girls to spend a vaca- tion with her. I have been taking my grandchildren and great-grandchildren on trips for years, from as young as 7 to as old as 18. Not only do they keep me young, but we have a wonder- ful time getting to know one another. They all feel that they benefit from my wisdom and consider me very wise. Refreshing, isn’t it? Please tell her not to deprive her children of having wonderful adventures and stories to tell their own children someday from all the trips they looked forward to each sum- mer. We’re leaving soon with two great- granddaughters, ages 10 and 13, to spend two weeks in Colorado river rafting, horse- back riding, hiking and having lots of fun. — Temple, Texas Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Childhood growing pains revisited; readers offer insight DEAR DR. GOTT: I just read with inter- est your column on childhood gro wing pains. When my children were young and com- Dr. Peter Gott plained that their arms and legs hurt, we came up with the idea of wrapping an elastic bandage loosely around their aches. We named it the “growing-pains bandage.” It seemed to bring them comfort, and they always felt better once it was on. As a parent, it can be frustrating because you don’t know how to help. This was our solution, and it worked for our kids. Hopefully, Mon.-Fri. 10:30 to 5:30 Sat. 11-3 40 Crafters in 1 Shop! Or Rent a Space to Sell Your Crafts Gifts for family & friends Plenty of parking on Pine Street 650 Main St., Red Bluff 530 528-2723 Come & Shop Crafter’s Boutique Jack the Ribber Come by for the Best Lunch in town • Ribs •Tri-Tip • Pulled Pork • Specials Tues.-Sat. 6am-8pm Sun. 10am-3pm Closed Monday 1150 Monroe St. 527-6108 FREE KIDS HAIR CUTS Sun. Aug. 15 2-6 pm Red Bluff River Park FREE FOOD ★ KIDS GAMES LIVE MUSIC 529-4074 Beauticians needed it will help some of your readers as well. DEAR DR. GOTT: I read your column about growing pains. I also suf- fered from these as a young boy. My mother took me to many doctors and was always told that it was growing pains. During my teen years, I had many joints that clicked and made noise. I have been suffering from arthritis for many years now. The boy in the letter needs to be tested for juvenile arthritis, as I now believe that is what I had. DEAR DR. GOTT: I am writing in response to your column on child- hood growing pains. I was told for years that my daughter had grow- ing pains when in fact she had a genetic condi- tion known as Ehlers- BOOK BARN Used Books Tues-Fri 10-5 Sat 10-2 THANK YOU RED BLUFF We are now celebrating our 16th Anniversary 619 Oak St., Red Bluff (530) 528-2665 Danlos syndrome. Her pediatrician recognized her combination of symptoms and sent her to a geneticist. It is a condi- tion that should be con- sidered. DEAR READERS: I have chosen to print all your letters together as they offer insight into the many causes and “treat- ments” of growing pains and childhood joint pain. Most childhood grow- ing pains are benign and are no cause for concern. However, if the pain is severe, persistent or lasts or returns over several weeks, further investiga- tion is necessary. Juvenile arthritis is a BOOK BARN Used Books Tues-Fri 10-5 Sat 10-2 THANK YOU RED BLUFF We are now celebrating our 16th Anniversary 619 Oak St., Red Bluff (530) 528-2665 definite cause of joint pain in children. Accord- ing to the Arthritis Foun- dation (www.arthritis.org), it is one of the most common childhood disorders, affecting nearly 300,000 children under the age of 18. There are also sever- al types, the most com- mon of which are the juvenile-rheumatoid- arthritis groups. Symp- toms may include joint pain, fever, joint swelling and/or redness, rash and others depend- ing on the specific vari- ety. Ehlers-Danlos syn- drome is an uncommon group of disorders that affects the connective tissues (joints, skin and blood-vessel walls). It is inherited, meaning it is passed from parent to child. Those affected have a 50/50 chance of passing the condition on to their offspring. I urge all parents first to try home remedies such as heating pads, ice and over-the-counter children’s pain medica- tions, such as aceta- minophen or ibuprofen. I have even had parents write in to tell me that the soap-under-the- sheets has worked to alleviate leg and calf pain in children, some without their knowing the soap is even in their beds. If these conserva- tive steps do not help, make an appointment with a pediatrician for examination, testing and treatment if necessary. If symptoms continue to be troublesome, perhaps a referral to an orthopedist or other specialist might be in order. Anyone who would like further information about arthritis and pain in general can order one or both of my Health Reports “Managing Chronic Pain” and “Understanding Osteoarthritis.” Requests must include a self- addressed stamped No. 10 envelope and a $2 check or money order for each report and should be mailed to Newsletter, P.O. Box 167, Wickliffe, OH 44092. Be sure to mention the title(s). Readers may also wish to print an order form off my website at www.AskDrGottMD.co m. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com Tehama County’s Personal/Professional Service Directory Bankruptcy Attorney Local Bankruptcy Attorney Jocelyn C. Olander 530-824-0288 Free Consultation Payment Plans Available Web: www.jcoattyatlaw.com email: mail@jcoatty atlaw.com A federally qualified Debt Relief Agency under 11 U.S.C. 101(12(A)) Embroidery AT YOUR SERVICE! $ 9900 3 month Clock Repair 530-736-7079 Grandpa’s Clocks Jim Paul 20910 Pebblestone Dr. Red Bluff Shelf & 31 Day Clocks Repaired Call for appt. Member NAWCC Cuckoo Clocks, Anniversary, Wall, Clock Repair James W. 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