Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/13192
8A – Daily News – Saturday, July 10, 2010 FEATURES Lusting over former cheating ex Dear Annie: I met my current boyfriend while separated from my ex-husband, and we now have a beautiful son together. The problem is, I cannot let go of my ex-husband and his family. I’m sure they feel the same, because we secretly see each other all the time. My ex-husband was unfaithful. When I found out, I left him. But there is a lot of unfinished business between us. You’d think I would never cheat since I was the victim of such a betrayal, but I’ve discovered that I have no power over being faith- ful to my child’s father. Is there any hope for me to be faith- Are you pining for your Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar ful to any man in this lifetime? I am always asking myself whether there is someone better out there. Do you think my ex and I have a chance at love again? — Lost Unfaithful Love Dear Lost: Honey, you need to grow up a little and understand your- self better. Of course you can be faith- ful, but not if you are still ‘‘looking.’’ You have a child now and a responsi- bility to provide a stable environment for him. This means putting his best interests above your desires. ex because he represents excitement? (Cheating, because it is clandestine and forbidden, can do this.) Have you resolved the issues that ended your marriage? Have you worked on improving your current relationship? Before you upend your son’s life, please get into counseling. Ask your boyfriend to come with you, explaining that you have some issues and want to strength- en your relationship. If he won’t go, go alone and figure this out. Dear Annie: I’m in high school, and one of my best friends always performs better than I do. We both participate in the same extracurricular activity, and she wins every time. I am a fairly successful athlete, but nothing compared to her. Even when I win, I lose. At a recent tournament, I was undefeated the entire time and advanced to the championship round, and so did she. We didn’t compete against each other, but she still won due to a technicality. I’m so jealous of her abilities that everything she does is starting to irri- tate me. I’ve started secretly to root against her when she competes. She hasn’t seemed to notice, but I worry it’s hurting our friendship. — Green Eyes Dear Green Eyes: Of course it’s hurting your friendship. In order to sal- vage it, you will have to make a con- scious effort to put your jealousy aside, and that is not an easy thing to do. Your friend is very talented, and you suffer in comparison. So stop comparing. She’s Michael Jordan. Put her in a class by herself, and consider your competi- tion to be everyone else. When you can admire her skills without feeling diminished, you will be able to root for her with genuine enthusiasm. Please try. Dear Annie: My thanks to ‘‘Screen- er’’ for helping job seekers with our online personas. It offers a chance for counterpoint: 1. Please instruct your IT depart- ment to set up an auto-response for your e-mail applications. We appreci- ate knowing ours has been received. 2. Please list a contact person so we can personalize our applications. 3. Please indicate a reasonable time- line for a response. We’re looking for work, and it puts us in a difficult posi- tion if we have to hold out waiting on one job. 4. Please tell us which website for- warded our application to you. Most of us belong to several, and it helps us (and you) to make sure the resume is a current one. 5. Most importantly, if you have hired someone, please send out a mass e-mail to those who didn’t make the cut. This common courtesy goes a long way to instill good will, as we will tell others your company treated us with respect. — P.R. Dear P.R.: We’ve heard from many hopeful job-seekers whose main com- plaint is that companies never get back to them. We hope they are reading this. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Surgeon failed to properly inform patient DEAR DR. GOTT: In mid-September 2009, I had a lung lobectomy and was in the hospital for about 2-1/2 weeks. There were complications, including atrial fib- rillation and a delay in the lung sealing, which caused the drain tubes to remain in for most of my stay. Dr. Peter Gott I was told that I would be in the hospital between five and seven days and back at work within three months. As yet, I have not been able to return to work. Prior to the surgery, the only thing that was brought to my attention was that sometimes things “go wrong,” and when I was discharged from the hospital, I was given minimal instruc- tions. For some naive reason, I thought that if I woke up from the anesthesia that things had “gone right.” While the doctor did mention separation of my ribs, he did not tell me that I would have severe pain for months following the surgery. I was also never told that some nerv es would be severed and that both pain and nausea could result. It is now May 2010, and I am still having problems. I tremble most of the time and have started to feel like one of those dolls with my head bob- bing. My bra is very uncomfortable, as the right breast is numb, and I often feel as if barbed wire is being rolled over my skin. This sensation is getting less frequent, and I am starting to notice a slight improvement from a few months ago. My family physician helped relieve the nau- sea and pain with two medications. I took both for only six to eight weeks and then weaned off in order to avoid side effects. To make matters worse, it is questionable that I even needed the surgery. Few options were discussed with me. Because I have had few medical problems in my 64 years, I was not versed in the correct questions to ask. After the surgery, it turned out that I had a mostly self-contained infection and not cancer, which was indicated before the surgery. I am having difficulty exercising. I seem to strain the muscles on my right side whenever I do even light stretch- band exercises. I walk on a treadmill but am only able to do about 10 minutes at a time before I get winded. Since leaving the hospital, I have had no more atrial fibrillation, which is a blessing, and I have been able to wean down my Coreg to 6.25 milligrams, which has helped restore some of my energy. When I was on a higher dose, all I wanted to do was sleep for the first sever- al months. I also take extra vitamins A, B and D to help repair the nerve damage and boost my immunity. How long can I expect these problems to last? Why don’t sur- geons tell you what to expect prior to surgery and then later in the hospital-discharge instructions? I was totally blindsided by these complications, many of which hap- pened after my dis- charge. Please advise patients to get a second opinion and ask sur- geons to be up front about what to expect following any surgical procedure. I encourage everyone to get a sec- ond opinion, even if they feel that the sur- geon knows his stuff. I realize that removal of a lung is an intense operation, but I feel that I would have been bet- ter prepared to handle the complications if I had known that they could happen. DEAR READER: Whether or not you were medically naive, it is no excuse for your surgeon to have neglect- ed to inform you what the surgery entailed, both during and after. I am also shocked that you were urged to have removal of a lung with- out even undergoing further diagnostic test- ing to determine whether your “lung tumor” was truly a lung tumor. Surgical removal of any organ should be done only when and if there is medical neces- sity, and there are numerous tests avail- able to determine what type of tumor or other abnormality is present. You have endured months of complica- tions and pain for a lung infection that could probably have been treated with oral med- ications. As to your question about why surgeons don’t inform patients, I would certainly hope that this is not the norm. When I was in active practice, patients were always informed about possible complications of surgery and provided with alternative options, as well as the surgeon’s opinion of which would be best. This also held true for diagnostic test- ing, such as imaging studies that involved dyes, tissue biopsies and more. I urge you to get a referral to another sur- geon or a pulmonolo- gist, who can review your operative report, examine you, and offer suggestions regarding treatment of your com- plications. You will also benefit from pulmonary rehabilitation, which aids your body in adjusting to having only one lung in a controlled, safe manner. Speak to your family doctor about these steps. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.co m. It’s a little hot to jog outside! We’ve got a solution! Enjoy your cardio at Tehama Family Fitness Center Over fifty pieces of cardio equipment 8 new 42” flat screens in our cardio area 5[[X [RR after your workout! 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