Up & Coming Weekly

I Love It When A Plan Comes Together The A-Team (Rated R) by HEATHER GRIFFITHS A movie version of the really fun television program, The A-Team (117) delivers the perfect homage to a classic formula. The film delivers the same over the top action and explosions, the same basement level plotting and dialogue, the same adolescent style catchphrases and the same patriarchal masculinity. In other words, fans of the show will walk away satisfied, but people looking for another Mission Impossible should look elsewhere. The film opens with B.A. Baracus (Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, although Ving Rhames was my first and last pick for the role) and transitions to Hannibal Smith (Liam Neeson). Hannibal is sexily tied to a chair, at least until he makes his dramatic escape. He runs into B.A. during his slow jog to save Templeton “Faceman” Peck (Bradley Cooper), and sexily shoots B.A. in order to commandeer THE VAN. Cut to Faceman, sorta topless and restrained while evil doers beat him in between trading quips. I wish movies had a slow motion repeat, because watching people beat Bradley Cooper is super fun. The trio makes one of their famous es- capes, ending up at a nearby hospital, where Hannibal recruits H.M. “Howling Mad” Murdock (Sharlto Copely) to fly them around as part of a complicated master plan. At least lots of things get smashed and/or ex- ploded, so…good work? I guess? Eight years and eighty missions later, the so-called “A-Team” has a repu- tation for the ridiculous, but have somehow managed to avoid court martial. Enter Charisa Sosa (Jessica Biel), whose sole purpose seems to consist of telling the team not to do what they had no plans to do anyway, thus ensur- ing that they will, in fact, do the opposite of what they are told. Confused? Supernatural Storage Warehouse 13 Keeps Magic in Stock TV by DEAN ROBBINS In Warehouse 13 (Tuesday, 9 p.m., SyFy), two Secret Service agents (Eddie McClintock, Joanne Kelly) work with the caretaker (Saul Rubinek) of a top-secret government storage facility that houses mysterious relics. They investigate supernatural ac- tivity and wander through elaborate green-screen sets. Last year, I gave the series premiere a negative review, but the second-season premiere strikes me as a minor masterpiece. What the hey? Warehouse 13 must have hit its stride while I wasn’t watching. This episode’s plot is fantastic (not to mention fantastical), involving novelist H.G. Wells return- ing to life for sinister purposes. The actors’ droll delivery keeps the tone light and lively — a real achievement when you’re dealing with an over-the-top battle between good and evil. Best of all are the gadgets. There’s an Imperceptor Vest, which makes you invisible; an Escher Vault, which has the weird spatial logic of an M.C. Escher print; and the Pearl of Wisdom, which the villains place in your ear to control your thoughts. Is Warehouse 13 really a hundred times better than it was last year, or has a villain just put a Pearl of Wisdom in my ear to make me think it is? Unnatural History Sunday, 8 pm (Cartoon Network) It’s amazing how throwaway children’s TV has improved over the years. This new live-action series is utterly meaningless and utterly fun, with a fast- moving plot and cool special effects. Today’s kids have all the luck. High school dude Henry (Kevin G. Schmidt) has spent his childhood in the Far East, seeking the path to enlightenment, but he moves back to the U.S. to solve mysteries. In a typical episode, he battles masked ninjas, shoots a poi- son blow dart, jumps from rooftop to rooftop, opens secret panels and finds buried treasure. Unnatural History won’t lead you down the path to enlightenment, but if I 20 UCW JUNE 30-JULY 6, 2010 were 11, it would certainly be the path I’d want to follow. The Real L Word Sunday, 10 pm (Showtime) The creators of the lesbian drama The L Word offer a real- life version, following six women as they love ‘em and leave ‘em in glamorous L.A. These lesbians are every bit as unap- pealing as their straight counterparts on mainstream reality series: insipid, exhibitionistic, foul-mouthed, sex-obsessed. Nevertheless, The Real L Word is automatically important just because it exists. It’s politically bold to show real women hooking up on TV — women who are not ashamed of their sexuality in spite of the culture’s rampant homophobia. I may not like these six women any more than I like run-of-the-mill reality show idiots, but I certainly approve of them more. Double Exposure Tuesday, 10 pm (Bravo) Double Exposure follows the fashion photography team of Markus Klinko and Indrani Pal-Chaudhuri, who specialize in shooting celebrities. Markus is one of the most repellent reality show subjects in a long time: a frosted-haired narcis- sist with a foul temper and an irresistible urge to diddle his models. He affects leather jackets and gaudy crosses, and he screams at Indrani for touching his equipment. You can only laugh when he plays Mr. Sexy Euro Photographer Guy at the shoots, goading the models in his high-pitched accent: “That’s hot! You’re such a tiger! Yes yes yes yes yes that’s hot!” Double Exposure would be unbearable but for Indrani. She is beautiful, sweet and patient, enduring Markus’ moods with good humor. Her lilting voice makes your knees go weak, and her spiritual approach to photography contrasts with Markus’ meat-market worldview. “I’m always looking for that divine spark that illuminates my subjects,” she says. May I suggest a spinoff series featuring just Indrani, called Single Exposure? WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM Apparently, so were the writers because this scene is con- fusing and wholly unnecessary. Enter the private security firm Black Forest, who prac- tically have EVIL tattooed all over their faces. Anyway, in between the cigars and the fine brandy, at this point the amount of testosterone on screen threatens to spontane- ously change the sex of all female audience members. The rest of the movie features over the top explosions, male su- periority, guns, helicopters and car chases. The movie ends with the classic television introduction. I am sure you can all hum the theme while reading…“Ten years ago, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the gov- ernment, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire... The A-Team!” One final note. While the credits are long and extremely boring, if manage to sit though them you will be rewarded with an after credits scene featuring A-Team cast members Dirk Benedict and Dwight Schultz. They also appeared in a blink-and-you’ll-miss-them cameos during the movie, and if you look closely when the film within a film flashes on the screen, you can make out the name Dwight Schultz. With such a rich course material to draw from, I am sure repeat view- ings will yield even more in- side jokes. HEATHER GRIFFITHS, Contributing Writer COMMENTS? 484-6200 ext. 222 or editor@upandcomingweekly.com

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