CityView Magazine

Who to Remember : Q I never know how far to go on holidays like Mother's Day and Father's Day. Of course, I know I should acknowledge my own mother and father on these days, and my grandparents, too. But what about my husband's family? Ideally, he would call and send cards to them, but am I expected to do so when he's deployed? Also, my family includes step and ex-step parents, all of whom I'm on good terms with. Should I also acknowledge them for the role they've played in my life, or is this disrespectful to my own parents? Finally, I have friends who send out emails and text messages to me on Mother's Day because I am a mother. I like the gesture, but am I expected to also acknowledge everyone I know who is a mother or father on these days? Help!  A: Good news, there's actually a simple answer to your great — and very common — dilemma. That answer is (drumroll): It depends. Sorry, I know that's a let down, but the answer differs depending on the people involved and the nature of their relationships. For example, if your husband is a thoughtful guy who always remembers his mother and father on those special days, then you're safe in assuming that he'll manage an email or a call to them while he's deployed. On the other hand, if he's not-so-great at remembering holidays and you want to send cards to honor his folks, or you want to honor them for their role in your life, then by all means do it! You're actually in great shape with that situation because probably no one expects you to do anything for his parents, so any kind gesture will be especially meaningful. Likewise, someone might be estranged from his own mother but be very close to his step-mother. In that case, it would make sense to send a card or gift to the step-mother, and not reach out to his own mother. Someone else might have a great relationship with her mom but also feel extremely close to an aunt who helped raise her — in that case, she's free to acknowledge both on Mother's Day. (She might, however, want to do something a bit nicer for her mother or risk hurt feelings. Moms can be sensitive, you know.) According to www.emilypost.com, these holidays are meant to honor our parents, "but for many of us there are other people in our lives who fulfill that caring role." The Emily Post etiquette experts say you should consider who these other people are in your life and acknowledge the supportive and nurturing role they play. That doesn't, however, mean buying presents for everyone, for most saying a simple 'thank you' will suffice. The Emily Post experts also touch on fayetteville proper the very peers-who-are-parents situation you mentioned. They recommend considering a host of people who by no stretch of the imagination birthed or reared you, such as: a friend who recently suffered a miscarriage; a parent whose child is deployed; your mother-in-law and fatherin-law for defying stereotypes and being wonderful; and the parents in your peer group who might need a little encouragement to get through another grueling day. In other words, how far you want take it is up to you — but it is never wrong to let someone know that you notice them and that you care. You've got questions. We've got answers. Send us your queries and we'll set you straight. Email: etiquette@cityviewnc.com. CV Dancing the 5th annual Fayetteville Stars with the C ityView Editor Kelly Twedell is constantly giving of herself to our community and we are always proud of her efforts, but recently she 'stepped' up her game by performing in the 5th Annual Dancing with the Fayetteville Stars fundraiser, which was held at the Crown Agri Expo Center on April 13. Kelly strutted her stuff with dance partner Josh Collins of Huske Hardware and, together with the other dancers, raised $92,530 to benefit the NC Center for Economic Empowerment & Development's latest housing rehabilitation project, the Lease to Home program. Kelly, we salute you! ® CityViewNC.com | 71

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