Up & Coming Weekly

NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD It’s clear, based on a May Time magazine dispatch, that Norway’s felons and miscreants are of a superior class than America’s. When Norway’s brand- new Halden prison opened in April, the country’s King Harald V headlined a glitzy gala that celebrated what has been called the world’s “most humane” lockup. Among the facilities: a sound studio, jogging trails, a guest house for inmates’ visitors, and a scrumptious- smelling “kitchen laboratory” where murderers and bandits can learn to cook. Guards are unarmed (half are women) and intermingle with the rapists, drug dealers and others, dining with them and joining them in intramural sports. The recidivist rate for Norwegian prisoners in general is only 20 percent (versus 50 percent to 60 percent in the United States), but it is still early to tell whether Halden’s prisoners will fi nd life behind bars so pleasant that they don’t mind risking another stretch there by returning to crime. [Time, 5-10-10] Cutting-Edge Products A Portland, Ore., inventor recently began offering a colorful patch designed to cover the area just below a dog’s tail. The “Rear Gear” is featured on the handmade-crafts’ site, Etsy.com. [Portland Mercury, 3-29-10] Tyrone Henry and Fermin Esson, of Opa Locka, Fla., near Miami, told reporters they were recently granted a patent for “saggy pants” that they say will satisfy young men’s street-fashion sense yet not run afoul of municipal laws around the country banning exposed underwear. [WCBS- TV-WFOR-TV (Miami), 2-1-10] Federal Reserve, Securities and Exchange Commission, On Edge: Last November, the government of North Korea made an ultimately disastrous decision to radically devalue its currency, overnight making 100 North Korean won worth 1 North Korean won, and the country’s citizens (as well as, reportedly, the Dear Leader himself) were not pleased. Three months later, without much fanfare, came the offi cial announcement that the government’s (i.e., the Workers’ Party’s) chief fi nance minister, Pak Nam-gi, had been executed by fi ring squad. [The Guardian (London), 3-18-10] In May, the German manufacturer Ex Oriente Lux AG set up its “Gold To Go” vending machine in the lobby of Abu Dhabi’s Emirates Palace Hotel, offering gold coins and one-, fi ve- and 10-gram bars of gold, based on the current world price at the time of the transaction. [Agence France-Presse, 5-13-10] COPYRIGHT 2010 CHUCK SHEPHERD WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM WEEKLY HOROSCOPES BY HOLIDAY ARIES (March 21-April 19) You’ll be making a decision about whom to add to your life for busi- ness or pleasure. Though it’s wise to ask for facts and references, basing your decisions on these things alone is not advised. Pay more attention to your feelings. You could later learn that the facts aren’t true, but your feelings will not lie to you. TAURUS (April 20-May 20) You were taught by the authoritative infl uences that shaped your young mind that in order to survive, you often have to leave behind your wacky dreams and desires. It’s not the truth. And you’ll get a sign this week that you will survive best by pursuing your desire with every resource you have. GEMINI (May 21-June 21 Whatever your age may be, your mind is young and fi lled with ques- tions. However, your travel budget is, for now, too limited to include the kind of adventure your mind is set on. Here’s one solution: the library. In the world of books, everything is possible. CANCER (June 22-July 22) You do not even realize how much you’ve grown. The way you present yourself, how you look and what you say, the words you use and the way you listen and relate to others — it all took work. You’ve made some good choices, and that’s why your way will be made easier. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) You are a vessel for ideas, some of which do not even originate from you. You can do the same with your heart — let the feelings move through without identifying with them. You’ll experience the infi nite nature of your soul. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) You communicate so well that it’s easy to become impatient with those who are vague and imprecise. Try to understand. Talking things out can be diffi cult for some people, and it takes time. Avoid interrupting. If you can listen without interjecting, you’ll fi nd compassion and will earn a special place in a friend’s heart. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) It’s not news to you that throwing the perfect party could change world history. In fact, that’s what you’re subconsciously trying to do every time you make the effort. Such efforts will go exceptionally well this week. In fact, as you get your plans together, you will have the strong sense that you are divinely guided. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21) When you like people, you are inclined to like what they like, go where they go and say what they say. Allow- ing yourself to be infl uenced in this way can be benefi cial, as long as you genuinely admire and believe in the edicts of the group. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Things won’t go according to plan, which makes this one of the most exciting and interesting weeks of the year. Also, there is a great deal of humor to be minded in the interactions between you and your loved ones. Show your love and affection wherever possible. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) In some respect, you’ll be a repeat offender to yourself, making the kind of mistake you said you didn’t want to make again. However, maybe it wasn’t a mistake, after all. Give this some consideration as you decide how to proceed. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Playing it cool is appropriate in some of the situations you are involved in this week. However, there will also be instances where being too restrained is a bad idea. People want to know that you are excited about working with or being in a relationship with them. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) The person who is on your side doesn’t always agree with you. This week there is someone who is absolutely on your team, but it doesn’t feel that way. Having to defi ne and clarify your methods will make you more powerful By Holiday Mathis A House Not So Divided ADVICE GODDESS Serial Monotony My husband of 18 years woke me up one morning to inform me that he told this woman in the class he’s taking that he’s happily married and isn’t looking to cross any lines. Feeling uneasy, I peeked at his text messaging and call history. They’d been texting for hours before his declaration to me, and text all day, every day. (He texts her upon reaching his office, and before he goes to bed at night.) Meanwhile, he had me stop calling him during work because it didn’t leave us enough to talk about at dinner. He claims they’re just friends but refused to cut back on their texting, despite how it’s upsetting me. He keeps saying he can’t have friends because of me, and thinks there’s nothing wrong with texting her all day. —Distressed. When you aren’t guilty, you don’t wake your wife to confess your guiltlessness — complete with the details of what you aren’t guilty of: “I just want to let you know, Honey, I didn’t murder five people, three of them women, and bury their bodies five yards from the chestnut tree.” Marriage used to play out on the Wal-Mart model: the idea that one person would meet your every need from altar to gravestone. Couples these days seem to understand that this is ridiculous, and have friendships outside the relationship. Marital tenure has been in the news thanks to the Gores rounding out their 40th anniversary by announcing their divorce. People are calling this sad/ tragic/horrible. But, is it? Okay, they promised to be together forever, but the reality is, things end. People use each other up and grow apart. It takes guts to admit it’s over, especially in light of all the “stay together no matter what” propaganda, like calling an ended marriage a “failed relationship.” (Why is it a failure if you had a bunch of good years together?) Amy Alkon              3006 Bragg Blvd. Fayetteville, NC 910.323.1791 ALL TEAM SPORTS          Mention this ad and receive 20% OFF* your next team purchase. *Restrictions apply. “TWO are better than ONE”  5613 Rockfish Road Hope Mills, NC 910.609.1791 Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, not a partnership with an option on a harem. Still, you don’t get to tell another adult what to do, just what you refuse to stick around for. But, unless you make it clear that you’re willing to walk, you may as well tack a rider on your marriage contract allowing unlimited extramarital texts. If you believe you two have more to share than collective boredom, try firing up his empathy. Ask how he’d feel if some guy called you on your home phone every five minutes during dinner, and one last time at bedtime: “Hey, man, mind putting your wife on the line so I can sing her to sleep?” At the very least, it’ll make for some compelling dinner conversation to break up all the chewing, and it’s probably your best shot at getting him to consider changing his calling plan to one that leads to fewer dropped wives. (c)2010, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. JUNE 23-29, 2010 UCW 23

• Cover