Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/123631
DECISION 2013 Who would you like to see as Mayor of Fayetteville? Up & Coming Weekly and WFNC's Good Morning Fayetteville Show are conducting a straw poll to see who you think our next mayor should be. The top 5-10 names will be put on a ballot in Up & Coming Weekly and online for all of Fayetteville to vote on. The results will be announced on the GMF radio show in a couple of weeks. Vote on FaceBook or send us an email with the name of your favorite candidate for mayor in the subject line. bill@upandcomingweekly.com or goodmorningfay@wfnc640am.com No super PACS allowed! AUDITIONS M AY 4, 2013 Kiwanis 62nd Ann tteville ual e F ay Talent Night Showcase $2,000 in Cash, Trophies & Scholarships SINGERS • DANCERS • MUSICIANS 1st, 2nd & 3rd Place Winners in Four Categories: Pre-school - 2nd Grade 910-323-3600 6th - 8th Grade 910-323-3600 n Auditio tion Applica e Deadlin 2013 May 1, 3rd - 5th Grade 910-483-3611 9th - 12th Grade 910-484-0890 Finals to be at Cape Fear Regional Theatre May 10, 2013 Tickets $5.00 (proceeds going to local Kiwanis projects for children) For an application or more information go to www.fayettevillekiwanis.org or contact Bill Bowman at 910-391-3859 Special thanks to to UP & COMING WEEKLY www.upandcomingweekly.com 6 UCW APRIL 24-30, 2013 of Cumberland County www.kidsvillenews.com/cumberland N.C.'s Official Religion by PITT DICKEY "Think of me and try not to laugh," Rod Stewart sang in his immortal song, "You Wear it Well." Stewart was predicting the results when the Republicans took over the reins of North Carolina's General Assembly. A large chunk of America is having trouble thinking of North Carolina and trying not to laugh. The Repubs are large and in charge here. They are making national headlines with their suggestions to improve the Old North State. Recall your eighth-grade N.C. history; the official North Carolina song has the deathless words, "Tho scorners may sneer at/And witlings defame her/Our hearts swell with gladness whenever we name her." Our current general assembly is doing its best to provide fodder for scorners and witlings. Let us count the ways. You know there is trouble when the best news coming out of Raleigh is that the general assembly has decided temporarily not to close any of North Carolina's universities. As Pink Floyd sang in "The Wall", "We don't need no education/We don't need no thought control." Closing universities is a great way to save money. Too many educated citizens leads to excessive thought. This temporary non-closing comes under the heading of Ronald Reagan's story about the little boy confronted with a barn full of horse poop who said: "There's got to be a pony in there somewhere." Let us look for the pony in the barn the Republican general assembly is constructing around N.C. My favorite legislative pony was the bill co-sponsored by 11 Republican House members to establish an official North Carolina religion. What could be cooler than government-supplied religious orthodoxy? It works really great in the Middle East. We need an official religion. North Carolina is a veritable vacation land of official objects and critters. Milk is the official state beverage. The Venus flytrap is the official carnivorous plant. The channel bass is our official fish. Our official reptile is the eastern box turtle. Our official vegetable is the sweet potato. (I had thought our official vegetable was the General Assembly but in researching this column I learned otherwise.) N.C.'s official dog is the Plotthound. Why not have an official religion? What could possibly go wrong? Unfortunately the Speaker of the N.C. House, after a round of national scorn and witling defamation, announced that for now, the bill to establish an official N.C. religion will not get a vote. Perhaps he was afraid it would pass. What will N.C.'s official religion be? Will the general assembly decree the correct religion? Will we have a referendum among voters with a proper ID? Which religions get on the ballot to be the official religion? Do we choose between Catholic, Methodist, Evangelical, Pentecostal, Paganism, Judaism, Islam, Zoroastrianism, Latter Day Saints, Greek Orthodox, Hindu or Buddhism as the official N.C. Religion? If no one religion wins a majority, will we have a run off between the two top vote-getting religions? Imagine the commercials. Ads could say, "Vote for my religion as the official N.C. religion or go to Hell." Once an official state religion is adopted, will all North Carolinians have to convert to that religion? If some sore heads refuse to convert, will we have the official N.C. Inquisition to use enhanced interrogation techniques to convince the apostates to convert to the official N.C. religion? Can we kill them if they refuse? Will N.C. tax dollars build official N.C. Religion churches? Will eastern vinegarbased barbecue or western tomato-based barbecue be chosen as the official holy sacrament of the N.C. Religion? Will State, Duke or UNC be chosen as the official blessed team of the N.C. Religion for which all N.C. citizens must pray for victory? All religions must have someone in charge, so the N.C. Religion will need a Fearless Leader. Will he be infallible outside N.C.'s borders? Does he serve for life or until the General Assembly revokes his commission? The Catholics already have the Pope. The N.C. Tea Party has Art Pope, a multi-millionaire who is the current owner of the general assembly. Will the general assembly appoint Art Pope as the Pope of the Official N.C. Religion? He's already got half the name and all of state government. What if the Fearless Leader decrees that NASCAR races cannot be run on Sunday? Will that lead to a schism among the faithful? We are treading on thin religious ice, but who cares? Let the true N.C. Religion roll on. PITT DICKEY, Contributing Writer, COMMENTS? Editor@ upandcomingweekly.com. WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM