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Monday, June 21, 2010 – Daily News – 5A FEATURES No intimacy with wife for 21 years Dear Annie: My wife and I have been married 35 years. Before you applaud, let me explain that it has not been a good marriage. I was crazy about my wife. She was smoking hot and even today, in her 50s, is still quite attractive. But she was raised to believe that sex was dirty and sinful. We were inti- mate about once a year. After she became pregnant, we didn’t touch each other until she wanted to get pregnant again, three years later. I tried everything to get her interest- ed, but was rejected over and over. The last time we had physical contact was 21 years ago. Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar Someone suggested she was never in love with me, and now I realize it is true. I stayed in the mar- riage for our kids and because I already felt like such a failure. I continued to be the best husband and father I could. Now I find myself in my mid- 50s and more alone than ever. I make a healthy six-figure income, but am mis- erable. I have had many opportunities to get some- thing on the side, and I don’t want to be that guy. But, Annie, I want someone in my life who can be a friend, a lover and a companion. Filing for a stan- dard divorce will drag on forever, making only the attorneys rich, and we will become even more embittered. I promised my wife she could have everything and, with her agreement, filed for our state’s no-fault divorce. The problem? My wife has had the paperwork for three years and refuses to sign it. I am so depressed, it’s hard to go on. There is a woman for whom I have developed feelings, although we have not been intimate. I fear I may have already lost her. How can I get my wife to divorce me? — Lonely and Spiritually Dead Dear Lonely: Your marriage sounds sad. Your wife is hanging on to the papers because she is frightened to be on her own after so many years. If she is willing, counseling could help her. In the meantime, it may be necessary to ‘‘make the lawyers rich’’ in order to get out. Tell your wife you believe she has the strength to move on with- out you, but if she won’t sign the papers within the month, you will file for a standard divorce and the money she might have gotten through a settlement will now pay for the attorney’s fees. Then follow through. Dear Annie: My boyfriend has two rather large sisters who apparently have difficulty cleaning themselves, as they have terrible odors about them. When we invite them to our home, they leave their stench everywhere they sit. We then have to clean the chairs and sofa to rid these areas of the smell, and we can’t use the furniture for hours because it has to dry. Is there any way to tell them of our dilemma or protect our furniture? — Washington Dear Washington: For some overweight peo- Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Offering insight into Insight, a genetic health test kit DEAR DR. GOTT: Thank heavens for your website, since I can get a very impor- tant question out to you immediately without using snail mail. While watching the news last evening, I heard about a test kit I can purchase over the counter that will Dr. Peter Gott indicate a possible genetic predispo- sition to such medical problems as Parkinson’s disease and heart trouble. I was informed the kit will cost up to $30, and once a saliva specimen is sent in to the laboratory, the testing will begin at an additional expense of up to $437. I am not sure I can handle knowing if my world will fall apart around me, or if I should just plug along as I am — blissfully ignorant of what might lie ahead. Or perhaps it is worth dou- ble the money just to know. What can you tell me about the idea? DEAR READER: Pathway Genomics in San Diego, Calif., is attempting to market a test kit known as Insight, which will offer genetic health reporting. They have a few online retailers who have been mar- keting the product on a small-scale basis, but Walgreens and CVS have been targeted for mass distribution to the public. Now take a step back, because the Food and Drug Adminis- tration enters the picture. According to a recent Los Angeles Times article, Pathway officials assert that the kit meets federal regulations and doesn’t require FDA approval. The FDA has given Pathway 15 days to respond to its requests for more information jus- tifying that statement. This has caused a Walgreens spokesman to issue a statement postponing offering the product to their customers with- out clarification from the FDA. Because of the lag time of my col- umn, a decision may have already been made by the time this column goes to print. The National Society of Genetic Counselors has issued a warning that while selling home kits through drug- stores would give more people access to genetic testing, such information without input from a doctor could increase the chances of misunder- standing and misinterpretation. Because there may be a genetic pre- disposition to a disease and a person may be at increased risk doesn’t make that disorder a certainty. Fur- thermore, the kit is not forwarded to your local hospital but is mailed to a Pathway Genomics laboratory. Results are provided back via the Internet. I don’t know about you, but I’ve watched too many TV police shows to be willing to share my DNA with a perfect stranger. Given an option, I would prefer the saliva be sent to my local hospital, but that’s apparently where the $437 comes in. Scientists and bioethicists have expressed concern that consumers will misuse or misunderstand the results. It’s my guess that if you poll two of your closest friends, 20 people at work or 500 in your community, you will get a split decision between peo- ple who definitely want to know what might be in store and people who pre- fer to accept conditions as they occur. Make an appointment for a com- plete examination with your primary- care physician. Include blood work, a baseline EKG, chest X-ray and any other testing that might be appropri- ate based on your family history. If you are without insurance and money is an issue, speak with your physician about affordable selective testing. Then speak with your hospital to set up a payment plan that meets your budget restrictions. Eat well, exercise to the fullest extent of your capabili- ties, and get adequate sleep. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physi- cian and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His web- site is www.AskDrGottMD.com. PAID ADVERTISEMENT ple, excessive sweating causes an odor problem. It’s also possible those sisters have an underlying medical condition that is a contributing factor. It would be a kindness if your boyfriend could work up the courage to tell his sisters about their body odor so they could do something about it. If he won’t, however, the best you can do is cover your furniture with fabric or plastic, and give them a fancy bath kit as a gift and hope they get the hint. Dear Annie: I read the letter from ‘‘Just Curi- ous in the Midwest,’’ who received a mass text message as a thank-you note. Here is how I make sure to send personalized thank-you notes. I do not allow myself to deposit checks, spend cash or use any gift until I have handwritten and mailed a thank-you note. My hus- band and I did this for our wedding, and when we have children, they will write thank-you notes before they are allowed to play with their gifts. It will give them an incentive to do the right thing. — C. I For information on participation in Kids & Families call (530) 527-2151 P.A.W.S. (Partners for Animal Welfare & Safety) A Volunteer Program Dedicated to the Prevention of Litters, Not the Destruction of Unwanted animals. HOW CAN YOU HELP? CALL US! 528-8018 Please leave your number we WILL call you back P.O. 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