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4B Daily News – Thursday, March 28, 2013 FEATURES Mother won't get over it Try couples therapy before problems become severe bobulate you. Ignore her, or laugh it off. Her opinions are unimportant. But tell your wife that you expect her to stick up for you when her friends insult you, because she would certainly want you to do the same. Dear Annie: This is in response to ''Questioning in California,'' who is converting to Judaism and whose friends are not supportive of her new kosher eating habits. I'm not Jewish, but my husband is. For the past seven years, we have kept a strictly kosher kitchen. I recommend she learn how to make some tasty, unconventional kosher dishes and invite her friends over. I make an amazing Southwestern quesadilla and Kung Pao chicken. My husband makes gourmet pizza. We host every Thanksgiving and serve a traditional (kosher) turkey with all the trimmings. With all this good food around, our friends and family adjusted quickly, and some of them even use our recipes. The lactose intolerant are always glad to know that many dishes served in our house are completely dairy free. In fact, I recommend kosher cookbooks to anyone who is lactose intolerant. — Kosher in California tant, it says that DEAR DOCTOR the problem K: My husband and I you jointly have have been happily marcan be solved ried, more or less, for 25 by the two of years. But lately we're you working fighting more. A friend together. suggested couples therA couples apy. Can you tell me therapist can more about it? DEAR READER: I Dr. K help you examine a current or don't feel as comfortby Anthony L. able answering ques- Komaroff, M.D. ongoing issue and decide tions about relationships as more traditionally "med- what changes you might ical" problems. I'm not Dr. need to make. She or he will Phil or Dr. Ruth. That said, help you eliminate misunderstandings, unreasonable here are my thoughts. With age, things often expectations and mistaken become ripe, but they can assumptions. A good couples therapist also turn stale. That's true of any long-standing relation- will take an active role. Let's ship, starting with marriage. say you and your partner are Challenges to one person's getting sidetracked or your life — such as a job crisis — exchanges are turning into can bring out that person's angry outbursts. The theraworst, causing pain to the pist will interrupt, comment, person's partner. When and help you find a more either partner is facing chal- positive tone or focus. Howlenges, that person needs ever, the therapist shouldn't more support and attention dictate what you should do, than usual and may become or act as a judge in disputes. If you decide to try couirritable if the support is not there. Also, when the need- ples therapy, it's important ed support is not there from to see someone with expera spouse, sometimes other tise. Therapists who treat companions fill the void. couples require specific Preserving a marriage can skills and training. Whether be hard work, and I think a therapist is a psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker that's true for most people. When most people think or licensed marriage and about psychotherapy, they family therapist matters less think about one-on-one ther- than couple-specific training apy — one person with a and experience. To find psychotherapist. Such thera- someone in your area, check py can be very helpful; it can the website of the American help you think about issues Association for Marriage Family Therapy in new ways and suggest and productive remedies. But (aamft.org). Before you commit to a couples therapy has the advantage of focusing therapist, request a trial sesdirectly on the relationship. sion. This will give you a With both partners present, a sense of whether the theraneutral therapist asks ques- pist's working style is comtions, teaches new skills, and fortable for both you and provides reassurance, guid- your partner. Finally, don't wait until ance and support. When both you and your your problems become spouse work together with a severe to consider couples therapist, it avoids the impli- therapy. The sooner you cation that only one person take action, the easier it may in the relationship has a be to work through your "problem." Equally impor- issues. Dear Annie: I have a wonderful husband and a problem that started when we married last year. We had a destination wedding. My husband's stepfather paid for the Annie's immediate family to stay at a beautiful rental house. My by Kathy Mitchell brother's ex, and Marcy Sugar ''Martha,'' surprised us by coming, and she brought her daughter, along with a friend and her 3-year-old. The next day, Martha and her friend had to check out of their hotel hours before the wedding and simply assumed they would hang around the rental house until then. This was not OK. Martha never asks permission. She and her friend left the toddler at the house while they went to get food and then came back with nothing for the child, so she went into the kitchen and made him a sandwich from our supplies. I can understand my mother-inlaw being upset, but she overreacted and blew up at Martha. They argued, and Martha left and didn't attend the wedding. Although my mom understands how Martha can annoy people, she shut herself off from then on. She didn't help me into my dress, paid no attention during the wedding and spoke to no one. After the wedding, we had a small reception at the house, Mailbox and she locked herself in our room. I was devastated. My husband's mother apologized profusely to my mother after the incident, but Mom refuses to get over it. She won't come to family gatherings when my in-laws are present. She missed our son's first birthday party. I have tried to broker a truce, and I've told my mother I will no longer listen when she says negative things about my mother-in-law. The end result is that she avoids the subject and nothing is resolved. Please help. — Stressed Newlywed Dear Stressed: Your mother is being childish and purposely hanging onto this grudge. We think she is jealous of your in-laws and hopes her petulance will make you more attentive. It's working. You are expending a great deal of energy on this situation. Stop. Tell Mom the subject is closed and if she chooses to lose out on family time, that is her decision, and you will no longer try to convince her otherwise. Dear Annie: I need some advice on how to handle put-downs from my wife's friends. It started when our nosy neighbor saw my wife beat me in a wrestling match. Now the neighbor makes remarks about my getting beat up by a woman. My wife refuses to come to my defense and says I have to deal with this woman myself. How do I deal with these gossipy bullies? — Vince Dear Vince: It might help if you make yourself less of an easy target. You allow this neighbor to discom- Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. New book shares insights from Steve Jobs' 1st boss SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — When Steve Jobs adopted ''think different'' as Apple's mantra in the late 1990s, the company's ads featured Albert Einstein, Bob Dylan, Amelia Earhart and a constellation of other starry-eyed oddballs who reshaped society. Nolan Bushnell never appeared in those tributes, even though Apple was riffing on an iconoclastic philosophy he embraced while running video game pioneer Atari in the early 1970s. Atari's refusal to be cor- ralled by the status quo was one of the reasons Jobs went to work there in 1974 as an unkempt, contemptuous 19year-old. Bushnell says Jobs offended some Atari employees so much that Bushnell eventually told Jobs to work nights when one else was around. Bushnell, though, says he always saw something special in Jobs, who evidently came to appreciate his eccentric boss, too. The two remained in touch until shortly before Jobs died in October 2011 after a long battle with pancreatic cancer. That bond inspired Bushnell to write a book about the unorthodox thinking that fosters the kinds of breakthroughs that became Jobs' hallmark as the co-founder and CEO of Apple Inc. Apple built its first personal computers with some of the parts from Atari's early video game machines. After Jobs and Steve Wozniak started Apple in 1976, Apple also adopted parts of an Atari culture that strived to make work seem like play. That included pizzaand-beer parties and company retreats to the beach. ''I have always been pretty proud about that connection,'' Bushnell said in an interview. ''I know Steve was always trying to take ideas and turn them upside down, just like I did.'' Bushnell, now 70, could have reaped even more from his relationship with Jobs if he hadn't turned down an offer from his former employee to invest $50,000 in Apple during its formative stages. HOME SERVICES DIRECTORY Online: Publishes 24/7 $ 109 Print and Online Per Month No early cancellation, non-refundable www.redbluffdailynews.com Three additional online locations at no extra cost! In Print Every Tues. - Thurs.- Sat. Clock Repair Concrete Construction Grandpa's Clocks CHAPMAN CONCRETE CONSTRUCTION Burrows Construction Your Clock Repair Shop Jim Paul 20910 Pebblestone Dr. Red Bluff 530-736-7079 Mechanical, Battery and Electrical clocks Call for appt. 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