Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/114685
2B Daily News – Tuesday, March 12, 2013 Wife resents hubby 'poking' ex reaction. Try calmly explaining why Dear Annie: My husToni bothers you and why it is imporband, "Clark," and I have tant that his behavior reassure, rather been married for 47 years. than alarm, you. He needs to know We both have Facebook this is moving into risky territory. accounts. A year ago, Dear Annie: I'm 19 years old and Clark became friends with work at least 60 hours a week. I "Toni," an ex-girlfriend recently found out that I am pregnant. from his late-teen years. I The father does not have a job and am my husband's third wife. Toni has been mar- Annie's lives far away. I want him involved with our child, but not if he can't help ried at least twice, maybe support the baby. Am I being too three times. I've lost track. The problem is, Clark by Kathy Mitchell harsh? — Hard Worker Dear Hard: Yes. A parent's and Toni were chatting and and Marcy Sugar importance should not be based on "poking" each other regularly until his sister told him it was not his income. "Support" is more than fair to me. Clark claimed that he money. It can include taking care of the stopped chatting. However, the poking child and being emotionally supportive of the mother. Unless the father is a has continued. A few months ago, I sent Toni a drug addict, alcoholic or abuser, your friend request. All of Clark's friends child's relationship with him is necesfrom his hometown have friended me sary and beneficial. But the father right off, but Toni didn't respond. Clark should be actively looking for work so then asked her to do it as a favor to him. he can pay child support, and you She then sent me a friend request, with should hold him responsible for it. In no mention of being sorry for ignoring the meantime, please don't deny either my previous one. I agreed so as not to of them the positive aspects of this relabe rude. When Toni's birthday came, I tionship. Dear Annie: I read the letter from wished her a "happy birthday." Our birthdays are in the same month. She "Walk a Mile in My Shoes," who complained about out-of-state relatives who ignored mine. Last week, I taught Clark how to try to take over caregiving duties. Here's our family wisdom when visdelete a poke, and he did. But this week, they are doing it again. Since he was the iting or offering to help a primary careone who did the delete, he must have giver: Think of yourself as the "assistant been the one to start back up. When I caregiver," and simply ask the primary asked him, his response was that noth- caregiver what, when, where and how. ing is going on and Facebook chatting Do your best to do what they would do. and poking is no big deal. Clark has Don't make suggestions or change roueven commented that he would like to tines. Just give them the peace of mind meet Toni, with me, just to see what she of knowing that they can leave for a while and everything will be done looks like now. Toni is not the only female who reg- exactly as they would have done it. This ularly pokes Clark on Facebook. I have attitude is helpful and comforting to the told him that liking and sharing posts is primary caregiver, who certainly doesless personal than pokes, chatting and n't need any additional stress. — Been messages. Now he is talking about cre- There, Too ating a Twitter account. Am I overreactAnnie's Mailbox is written by Kathy ing, or should Clark be more considerMitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime ate of my feelings? — Torn Dear Torn: This boils down to trust. editors of the Ann Landers column. Something about Toni is ringing a lot of Please email your questions to bells in your head, and Clark should anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write respect this by limiting contact. Howev- to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators er, he doesn't seem to have done any- Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa thing untoward, so he objects to your Beach, CA 90254. Mailbox Antioxidants from food, not pills DEAR DOCTOR K: What is an antioxidant? Should I be taking an antioxidant supplement? DEAR READER: Something terrible often happens to medical scientists: A beauDr. K tiful theory is murdered by Anthony L. by a brutal gang of Komaroff, M.D. facts. The theory that vitamin pills with antioxidant powers — primarily vitamins A, C and E — could slow aging, fend off heart disease, improve flagging vision and curb cancer was beautiful and very plausible. As a result, some doctors urged their patients to take such vitamin pills daily. To understand why the theory was taken very seriously, a few basics are in order. As the cells in our body do their different jobs, they need food, and they produce waste. One kind of waste is a group of chemicals called "free radicals," which occur naturally as byproducts of body processes, such as burning fat. They are also created by environmental factors such as tobacco smoke, ultraviolet rays and air pollution. Free radicals are described as "unstable" because they lack a full set of electrons. This leads them to steal electrons from other molecules. When they steal these electrons, they damage those other molecules. The process of stealing electrons is called oxidation. Antioxidants can chemically combine with free radicals, rendering them harmless. They prevent oxidation — that's why they're called antioxidants. Since we know that oxidation can damage tissues — contributing to the aging and death of cells — it made sense that antioxidants might be good for our health. We also knew that many foods that are rich in natural antioxidants definitely were good for our health. That didn't prove that it was the antioxidants in the foods that led to improved health; it could be something else in the foods. But it gave support to the theory that vitamin pills with antioxidant power would be good for our health. Some scientists find their theories so attractive that they don't need testing. When that happens, they cease being scientists. Much more often, scientists put their theories to the test. Because the antioxidant vitamin pill theory was so compelling, a lot of time and effort has been spent in testing it. Unfortunately, results from welldesigned trials of antioxidant supplements have failed to back up many of the claims of benefits. One study pooled results from 68 trials with more than 230,000 participants. It found that taking antioxidant supplements is unlikely to help you live longer. Sixty-eight rigorous studies, involving hundreds of thousands of people whose health was followed for many years, that fail to show evidence in support of a theory are a brutal gang of facts. On the other hand, foods rich in antioxidants definitely can help lower your risk of many diseases. Good food sources of antioxidants include fruits and vegetables, particularly tomatoes, kale, blueberries, onions and apples. Other good sources include dark chocolate, whole grains, coffee, green tea and vegetable oils. So get your antioxidants in the form that nature has provided them to us: in food, not pills. Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. To send questions, go to AskDoctorK.com, or write: Ask Doctor K, 10 Shattuck St., Second Floor, Boston, MA 02115.