Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/11369
Tuesday, June 1, 2010 – Daily News – 3B FEATURES Fed up with hubby’s long-held grudges Dear Annie: I have been married for 35 years to a man who, at any moment, will bring up things from our past that are very hurt- ful to me. And he knows exactly what he is doing. Two weeks ago, he threw something in my face that goes back to before we were married. He had loaned me a small amount of money — less than $100. At the time, I was a single mom working a full-time job without the benefit of child sup- port from my ex-husband. I guess I never paid him back. I had totally forgotten about it and couldn’t believe he remembered — and apparently is still upset about it. We are now the parents of three Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar cially if he isn’t willing. It is not, however, impossible. Get some counseling — on your own if he won’t go with you — and learn how to respond in a more produc- tive way. Dear Annie: Why do people feel the need to offer advice that is unsolicited and unwanted? Isn’t that completely out of line? A friend of mine sends me e-mails telling me that nearly everything I do is wrong. I have not asked this person for their opinion. I am not hurting or offending anyone, and I do not wel- come the criticism or want her input. Ultimately, it is insulting. Why does she know better than I do? grown children. On the outside, we appear to be the perfect couple, but his continual badgering has left me feeling like a knife is being stuck in my heart. He knows how I feel about this. The only time he stops is if I start to cry. Why does he do this? — Hurt in the Midwest Dear Hurt: Has your husband always been like this, or is it a fair- ly recent development? The fact that he hangs on to these grudges and uses them to make you cry is a form of bullying and an effort to exert control. If this reflects a change in his personality within the past few years, he may have a neu- rological problem that requires medical attention. Unfortunately, if it goes back 35 years, it will be dif- ficult to modify his behavior, espe- If someone asks for advice or an opinion, it is OK to give it. Other- wise, please tell people to tread lightly. You never know when a foot will be inserted in the mouth or feelings will be hurt. — Ft. Wayne, Ind. Dear Indiana: Being in the advice business, we know how use- less it is to direct our suggestions to someone who hasn’t asked for our help. Unsolicited advice is often resented. There is no reason you cannot delete this person’s e-mails unread or, at the very least, not respond to the parts that are insult- ing. (On the other hand, when it’s your mother-in-law, sometimes it’s best to simply turn a deaf ear.) Dear Annie: You were way off base in your response to ‘‘Devastat- ed and Frustrated,’’ whose son and daughter-in-law didn’t invite her to her grandchild’s birthday party because the ex-husband and his fifth wife were there. She’s also not allowed to stop by and visit without calling. Now she’s been cut off entirely because she told her daugh- ter-in-law’s aunt on Facebook to MYOB. That woman has a right to see her blood-related offspring. That daughter-in-law needs to learn her place, and that is to respect her son’s grandmother. That fifth wife has no business being at a birthday party. Someone needs to come down on that son and daughter-in- law with a lead balloon. You should have told her how to access her grandparents’ rights. — Angry in Connecticut Dear Angry: Grandparents’ rights are not recognized in every state, and there are often restric- tions. The fact that ‘‘Devastated’’ ought to be able to see her grand- children doesn’t mean she will. We’ll say it again: The best way to resolve the problem is for Mom to find a way to get along with her daughter-in-law. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Free proposal writing basics workshop North Valley Commu- nity Foundation will be presenting a free proposal writing basics workshop for arts organizations on June 10. Organizations will be able to learn valuable proposal writing skills and hear insider tips about applying to the James Irvine Founda- tion's Creative Connec- tions Fund at this three- part program. Thanks to sponsorship from the James Irvine Foundation, this program is offered free of charge, and all attendees will receive a free copy of Grantseeker's Guide to Winning Proposals and The Foundation Center's Guide to Proposal Writ- ing. Part One: Learn about the basics of writ- ing a proposal Topics covered will include: • The key components of a proposal to a founda- tion or corporation • How to package your proposal • Steps to take if a pro- posal is turned down Part Two: How to apply to the Creative Connections Fund A program officer from the James Irvine Foundation will provide an overview of the goals and priorities of the Cre- ative Connections Fund, advice on avoiding com- mon mistakes, and how to make the most com- pelling case for support. Irvine staff will also be able to answer questions applicants might have about applying to the Creative Fund. Connections Arts organizations with annual revenue over $100,000 are eligible to apply to Irvine's Creative Connections Fund. Orga- nizations located in all areas of California may apply, although the Fund gives preference to orga- nizations working outside San Francisco, San Mateo, and Santa Clara counties. Please see the Irvine website for more details and to confirm your organization's eligi- bility. The workshop is scheduled 1-4 p.m. Thursday, June 10, and is co-sponsored with North Valley Community Foun- dation at Butte College Training Place, 2320 For- est Ave, Chico. To register go to: http://foundationcenter.or g/sanfrancisco/training/ir vine.html For more information, call 891-1150 Ext. 28. Public hearings on public utility issues The California Public Utilities Commission (CPUC) is holding Public Participation Hearings and public workshops in Red Bluff on June 10. Public hearings will be held at 2 p.m. and 7 p.m. at Hampton Inn & Suites, 520 Adobe Road, Red Bluff. The Public Participation Hear- ings detailed below provide the public an opportunity to comment on pending CPUC proceedings. Comments from the public can help the CPUC reach an informed decision and members of the pub- lic are encouraged to attend the hearings. If special arrangements are needed in order to attend, such as sign and foreign language inter- preters, contact the CPUC Public Advisor's Office at 415-703-2074 or toll free 1-866-849-8390 or TTY 415- 703-5282 or 1-866- 836-7825, or by e-mail at pub- lic.advisor@cpuc.ca.gov at least three days in advance of the hear- ing. For those who are unable to attend a hearing, written com- ments may be submitted to: CPUC Public Advisor's Office, 505 Van Ness Ave., Room 2100, San Francisco, CA 94102. Or, comments may be sent via e-mail to public.advisor@cpuc.ca.gov. Public Participation Hearings on the application of Pacific Gas and Electric Company (PG&E) proposing cost of service rates for gas transmission and storage ser- vices for 2011-2014 and also the application of PG&E for authori- ty to, among other things, increase rates and charges for electric and gas service on Jan. 1, 2011. Perimenopause precedes menopause DEAR DR. GOTT: I am a 43- year-old female with irregular periods. When I finally went to my doctor, he told me that I have perimenopause. Can you tell me what this is? DEAR READ- ER: Simply put, perimenopause is an introduction to menopause. It commonly occurs when a female is in her 40s, but can hap- pen to some women in their mid-30s. It general- ly lasts between two to eight years and is a nat- ural part of the aging process. Estrogen levels rise and fall in an erratic pattern, and women may experience problems sleeping, hot flashes, vaginal dryness, mood changes and more. Repeated menstrual irregularity, however, is one of the most widely recognized initial phases of the condition. As long as the irregularity isn’t accompanied by extremely heavy bleed- ing, breakthrough bleed- ing between cycles, bleeding that lasts longer than eight days and cycles that occur fewer than 21 days apart, you can usually consider things as progressing normally. However, com- plications outside these guidelines should be brought to your primary- care physician’s or gyne- cologist’s attention. There are several cir- cumstances that have a bearing on when peri- menopause or menopause might begin. Smoking, for example, is known to trigger menopause up to two years earlier than in those without a history. Other signs of an earlier- than-normal occurrence are chemotherapy for childhood cancer, never having delivered a baby, hysterectomy and pelvic radiation therapy. Therapy might include the use of oral contraceptives for the purpose of regulating cycles, and reducing vaginal dryness and hot flashes. A progestin-con- taining IUD (intrauterine device) might control heavy bleeding, while progestin therapy might regulate cycles. If you are satisfied with the information you already received, I rec- ommend you continue as you are, eat well, exer- cise, avoid alcohol and caffeine, which can trig- Dr. Peter Gott ger hot flashes, and enjoy each day to the fullest. If you are dissat- isfied, either jot down a list of questions and return to your physician for an explanation, or request a second opinion. In the interim, I am sending you a copy of my Health Report “Menopause.” Other readers who would like a copy should send a self- addressed stamped No. 10 envelope and a $2 check or money order to Newsletter, P.O. Box 167, Wickliffe, OH 44092-0167. Be sure to mention the title or print an order form off my website at www.AskDr- GottMD.com. DEAR DR. GOTT: I am considering taking colloidal silver and want your opinion. Is it safe, or is it toxic? DEAR READER: Colloidal silver is touted as a cure-all that boosts the immune system and treats a plethora of issues from viruses, cancer, HIV/AIDS, shingles and even prostatitis. There is no scientific evidence to substantiate such claims. It is not an essential min- eral. Colloidal silver is made up of tiny silver particles suspended in a liquid. It is available in oral, spray and topical forms. It is known to build up in the tissues of the body over time and most commonly results in a blue-gray discol- oration of the skin, nails, gums, eyes and internal organs. While this isn’t a seri- ous health problem, it is a serious cosmetic prob- lem because the discol- oration doesn’t go away even if the supplement is discontinued. My opinion is proba- bly not one you want to hear, but I can’t recom- mend this product. If you eat a nutritious diet, exercise and get ade- quate sleep, forgo some- thing so questionable until firm scientific stud- ies prove it is beneficial. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com Tehama County’s Personal/Professional Service Directory Bankruptcy Attorney Local Bankruptcy Attorney Jocelyn C. Olander 530-824-0288 Free Consultation Payment Plans Available Web: www.jcoattyatlaw.com email: mail@jcoatty atlaw.com A federally qualified Debt Relief Agency under 11 U.S.C. 101(12(A)) Embroidery AT Clock Repair 530-736-7079 Grandpa’s Clocks Jim Paul 20910 Pebblestone Dr. Red Bluff Shelf & 31 Day Clocks Repaired Call for appt. Member NAWCC Cuckoo Clocks, Anniversary, Wall, Clock Repair $ YOUR SERVICE! James W. 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