Up & Coming Weekly

NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD In mid-April, senior Iranian cleric Ayatollah Kazem Sedighi issued a warning that recent earthquakes in Haiti, Chile and elsewhere were caused by women’s loose sex and immodest dress. Immediately, Jennifer McCreight responded on Facebook by urging women worldwide to dress provocatively on April 26 to create “boobquake” and test the cleric’s theory, and at least 90,000 women promised they would reveal serious cleavage on that date. On April 26, following a several-day drought of earthquakes, a Richter-scale-measuring 6.5 quake hit just south of Taiwan. (Slight advantage to the ayatollah, since a Purdue University seismologist observed that a 6.5 quake was not uncommon for that region.) [Courier-Mail (Brisbane)-AFP, 4-17-10; Indianapolis Star, 4-28-10] Cultural Diversity One of the world’s longest-running TV comedy shows (according to an April Reuters dispatch from South Korea) is the weekly North Korean production It’s So Funny, with its undynamic format of a man and a woman in military uniforms talking to each other (though they sometimes sing and dance). The latest episode “extolled the virtue of beans,” wrote the Reuters stringer, “while avoiding any fl atulence humor.” “If we soldiers see beans, we become happy,” said the man, leading both hosts to laugh. According to Reuters, “The two talk about how bean-fed North Korean soldiers were able to fi ght off U.S. imperialist troops during the Korean war.” [Reuters, 4-12-10] Latest Religious Messages John Ridgeway, 45, fi led a federal false-imprisonment lawsuit in March based on his 2005 trial over a traffi c charge. According to a report in Michigan’s Bay City Times, just before the jury returned with a verdict, Ridgeway opened a vial of oil, rubbed some on his fi ngers and then around the defense table, and he later shook hands with court personnel. Ridgeway was arrested when the prosecutor, a bailiff and the ticketing police offi cer became ill. Ridgeway explained that the virgin olive oil had been blessed by a Colorado pastor, specifi cally to “cast evil” from government facilities. [Bay City Times, 3-16-10] In March, leaders of the St. John’s Lutheran Church in Baraboo, Wis., voted to fi re the principal of its elementary and middle school because of his “question(ing) the church’s teachings.” The church had held a contentious meeting of members on March 21, but few spoke out for the principal, largely because female members were banned from speaking at all. (According to the Baraboo News Republic, women cannot vote on the church’s business but generally are allowed to talk at meetings until now.) [Baraboo News Republic, 3-23-10] COPYRIGHT 2010 CHUCK SHEPHERD WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM WEEKLY HOROSCOPES BY HOLIDAY ARIES (March 21-April 19) The ideas, feelings, impressions and opinions that fl icker across your inner movie screen are just information. They do not defi ne you. Be the impartial observer of your own mind and you are suddenly free. You become powerful as you quiet internal idle chatter. TAURUS (April 20-May 20) Not usually one to sing your own praises, a situation arises this week where you feel you need to draw attention to your good work lest someone else claims it. Your sense of justice is well-developed, and you are right to honor that. Stick up for yourself and others will, too. GEMINI (May 21-June 21) One thing that could stop you from being the best chef in the world is an aversion to measurements. Going by the book will be good for you this week. Follow precise instructions wherever possible. Discipline will only enhance your intuition. CANCER (June 22-July 22) It seems that people are in bad moods around you. It might seem like a signal that you should hole up at home and wait for cheerier times. But that’s too easy for someone with your amount of good will and friendliness. You’ll overturn the atmosphere by being a steadily positive force LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) You may have to do the same work twice. It’s some consolation that this happens to other people, too. Your sign mate Lawrence of Arabia claimed to have lost his auto- biographical writings on a train and had to start over. Whatever you have to redo, you will, and it will be even better than the fi rst time. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). It’s in your nature to be competitive, which is why you feel it’s important for you to do well in a new arena, even though it may have little to do with your life goals and pur- pose. Remember, you don’t have to play every game at the fair. And by not playing some of them, you’ll come out a winner this week. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) Certain people bring out the worst in you. Distance yourself — no hard feelings. Send love from afar. When life sud- denly brightens, you’ll realize how easily you can be brought down by the wrong infl uence. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21) You will try to shield someone from the slings and arrows of life. It seems easy to do so, as you have already learned how to protect yourself from the same offenses your loved one is experiencing. Do your best, but remember that there are some things your loved ones must learn on their own. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Circumstanc- es may shift to impede your travel, but nothing can slow down your wanderlust. You have been looking forward to a trip, and you’re going to take it. Getting there isn’t as important as getting somewhere — preferably away from your usual scenery and routine. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Everything you’ve done has produced a result. Some results are thrilling; whereas, others are not what you expected. You are result-oriented this week and will be taking stock of past successes and misses. Use this data to hone your next plan. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) You realize it takes clear, clean water to give health and life to the projects and relationships around you. Every negative thought is a drop of poison in your well; every positive thought is the antidote. Replace your contemptuous opinions with something supportive. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) Feeling good is important — maybe the most important thing this week. Do what it takes to put your mind and body in a state of ease. Then go for pleasure and joy — it’s all attainable. Adjustments must be made, but you’re more than capable of doing what it takes to get back to feeling good. By Holiday Mathis Nominate those who are improving the appearance  our community. The Joint Appearance Commission is made up of members from Cumberland County and the nine towns in Cumberland County. The Commission needs your help in identifying properties in Cumberland County that are improving the appearance of our community. Please clip and mail by June 1 to nominate a property. The Commission will recognize the best properties during the summer of 2010. CATEGORIES ARE LISTED BELOW IN THE NOMINATION FORM. JOINT APPEARANCE ANNUAL COMMUNITY AWARDS PROJECT NOMINATION FORM Contact Information Name: ____________________________________________________________________ Mailing Address: __________________________________________________________ Phone Number: ______________ Email address: ______________________________ Information About the Property Being Nominated: Property Location/Address: _________________________________________________ Award Category (Please Circle): (1) Best New Residential Property (2) Best New Non-Residential Property (3) Best Revitalization of a Residential Property (4) Best Revitalization of a Non-Residential Property (5) Best Housing Development or Neighborhood (6) Best Landscaping Project (7) Best Green Project (8) Best Restoration of a Historical Property  Photo Information At least one photo is required. Up to five photos may be submitted. (if digital, please use jpg, tif, or bmp format) Mail Completed Form to: Community Appearance Awards Program, Planning Department, 433 Hay Steet, Fayetteville, NC 28301 For information or forms, call 433-1612, email dnash@ci.fay.nc.us or visit http://www.cityoffayetteville.org/appearanceaward/ ADVICE GODDESS Wussy Galore Ohh! I FINALLY get what you’re saying! For the longest time, I was resenting you for telling women they shouldn’t ask men out. I had this impression of you wanting ladies to just sit in a corner waiting for a strong, burly man to come to our rescue. I reread some of your columns, and it seems you’re saying it’s okay for us to APPROACH guys, strike up a conversation, and show we’re interested, but not to d the actual asking out. Or, am I wrong, and are you saying we should literally wait around for them? If so, I’m just going to go buy 23 cats right now and get it over with. — Don’t Wanna Be The Crazy Cat Lady Too many women tell themselves they’re expressing their equality with men by taking a Raid on Entebbe approach to getting a date. Women who go all “Me Tarzan, you Tarzan” on men confuse equal with the same and what a woman can do with what actually works. (Pssst! Somebody has to be Jane.) You might be as liberated as all get out, but your genes are ready to party like it’s 1.8 million years ago, when women evolved to be the harder-to-get sex and men co-evolved to expect to smooth-talk a woman into the bushes. Anthropologist Heather Trexler Remoff writes in Sexual Choice that an unambiguous advance on a man — asking him out — is fine if your goal is getting him to attend one specific function with you. If you’d like more than a single-serving- size encounter, “you’d do well to take (your) time and not push against the built-in rhythms of human courtship.” The answer for you and the rest of the ladies isn’t taking over the man’s job — doing the asking — but signaling to him that it would go very, very well for him if he did it. You do that by flirting. You’ll have to experiment, but Amy Alkon you can probably flirt far beyond what seems reasonable — especially when a guy seems to have all the sexual aggression of a lost baby duck. Ultimately, flirting is a form of information-gathering: Is there a man cowering in there somewhere? If so, is he man enough and interested enough to squeak out, “Doing anything Friday night?” If he can’t or won’t, he’s telling you something important: “Go flirt with the next guy.” You may do a whole lot of flirting with a whole lot of next guys, but it beats dating somebody who’s not that interested in you or sitting in a corner waiting for some burly man to come to your rescue. (One may — an archeologist in the year 2110, musing, “Hmm, looks like she died waiting for a guy to grow a pair.”) (c)2010, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. MAY 19-25, 2010 UCW 27 2356166ti

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